Venting My grandmother has terminal cancer and she may die soon, i feel like this is just delaying my CTB.

[Fragile]

some of you may know that the only reason why i'm still prolonging my life and delaying my CTB is because i don't want to damage my family, at least not until they find some level of stability and things get better for them. and things were getting better, my brother is starting a social media company, my mother is getting into a relationship with a good man and my little brother is starting to get good friends that support and care about him.

i was planning to catch the bus around february or march, or even later if i got a favorable diagnosis.

but then, my grandmother was diagnosed with a pretty bad form of cancer and she is now hospitalized, i know that she won't last much longer but that also means that i can't do it so soon after her passing, my mother would die from grieff, she already suffered enough and this will quite literally kill her.

so now i'm stuck here for longer and there is nothing that i want more than peace, my health is getting shittier by the day and my mental anguish is no better, i can't do this anymore, and to be honest, i don't care about my grandmother, she was a terrible human being during most of her life but she is still my mother's mother.

i really wish that i could just die and be done with it, but knowing that this will have such an impact in the lives of my family is just crushing me with guilt and anger, i feel completely hopeless. specially now that my grandmother is dying from the same illnesses that has taken the lives of other 7 family members.

thanks for reading.

 

[Jean4]

It's a difficult situation. I understand you don't want to hurt your family, but ultimately you have to do what is best for you.

 

[Fragile]

yeah, but what's good for me will ultimately end up hurting others very badly, i really don't know what to do in this situation, i'm in such pain right now.

 

[Ritter]

I think there's something to be said about living for others. There's a great sacrifice in holding out, in being in a lot of pain.

The way I look at it is...they are going to hurt so much with your passing, anything you can do to make it easier (even if it makes it much harder for you) is a noble thing.

It's just me, but to relate, we are all here because we want to die (for our own reasons) I'm holding on a little longer for my family, and the pain I think is worth it. They're going to hurt so much, I'm ok with the pain a little bit longer for them ya know?

 

[Fragile]

I think there's something to be said about living for others. There's a great sacrifice in holding out, in being in a lot of pain.

The way I look at it is...they are going to hurt so much with your passing, anything you can do to make it easier (even if it makes it much harder for you) is a noble thing.

It's just me, but to relate, we are all here because we want to die (for our own reasons) I'm holding on a little longer for my family, and the pain I think is worth it. They're going to hurt so much, I'm ok with the pain a little bit longer for them ya know?

i came to the realization that they will inevitably hurt long ago, but accepting that fact is very hard, the guilt is crushing me and it grows stronger every day.

i will hold on a little longer, but damn is it hard.

 

[LonelyLight]

Very sorry to hear this sad news of your grandmother and I'm sorry to read of the pain your feeling by sticking around