underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
hhi, writing this kind of frantic, my gf left me and I made a thread last night about how my family hates me and now im alone and utterly have no one and my gf is gone and I need to ctb I dont care how I just need to get the fuck out of this fucking life :(((
why is my own god so cruel
 
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Octavia

Octavia

“I’d… rather kill myself.”
Mar 4, 2023
363
I'm really sorry this is happening to you… I just wanted to write that it might be unadvisable to make important decisions (i.e. dying) in the heat of the moment. The method that is the most accessible/peaceful method on this sub is SN, you can look around in the search bar and do some reading on it to see if it is what you want.
 
underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
I'm really sorry this is happening to you… I just wanted to write that it might be unadvisable to make important decisions (i.e. dying) in the heat of the moment. The method that is the most accessible/peaceful method on this sub is SN, you can look around in the search bar and do some reading on it to see if it is what you want.
im too stupid to find SN and im on vacation so I definietly dont have it, I just want to die I can't believe shes really gone
 
Octavia

Octavia

“I’d… rather kill myself.”
Mar 4, 2023
363
im too stupid to find SN and im on vacation so I definietly dont have it, I just want to die I can't believe shes really gone
I understand that it must be agonising, however impulsive attempts are not only unwise, they have a high chance of failure too. SN is a type of salt that would restrict your access to oxygen in a mostly peaceful manner, perhaps that reading on it might be worth a try? Planning one's own death can be soothing from immediate stressors, and you can really think about your decision while you do it too.
 
underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
I understand that it must be agonising, however impulsive attempts are not only unwise, they have a high chance of failure too. SN is a type of salt that would restrict your access to oxygen in a mostly peaceful manner, perhaps that reading on it might be worth a try? Planning one's own death can be soothing from immediate stressors, and you can really think about your decision while you do it too.
yyeah, i, had an attempt a few weeks ago :(
 
Octavia

Octavia

“I’d… rather kill myself.”
Mar 4, 2023
363
Oh dear, I am sorry it did not work out. I just took a look at your post history, SN (alongside OTC AE alternatives) can be obtained in Canada, although that there might be some paperwork for getting the SN from customs. I'm not sure if the AE substitutes work though, although I am close to finding that out. Do you plan on going by SN if it was an available method to you?
 
underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
Oh dear, I am sorry it did not work out. I just took a look at your post history, SN (alongside OTC AE alternatives) can be obtained in Canada, although that there might be some paperwork for getting the SN from customs. I'm not sure if the AE substitutes work though, although I am close to finding that out. Do you plan on going by SN if it was an available method to you?
yyes, i do, i want to get it irl
 
Octavia

Octavia

“I’d… rather kill myself.”
Mar 4, 2023
363
Alrighty, I can walk you through the steps if needed. But first a couple of questions, and please forgive me if they are too direct. Are you trying to end yourself because of gender dysphoria? If so, I just want to let you know that HRT can have surprising results. I started transitioning at 19 too (am 21), and I pass quite well to the point where I can go to the proper bathrooms without anyone batting an eyelid. And this is only after 2 years, HRT will work wonders once you give it more time such as 5 years. I would be ending myself due to very complicated reasons that are mostly not related to my own transition.

Anyways, I digress. Since we are both adults I will be providing you with a source (and advice on how to get it from customs) regardless of your answer, but if gender dysphoria is your main reason for dying, then it might be worth your while to stick around a little.

I do have to request a picture of your E bottle with your IGN scribbled on it or a piece of paper nearby, please blur/hide any identifying details (name, address, phone, pharmacy address, etc…) I just need to see the part saying Estradiol-lupin or whichever version of e you are taking, and your IGN in the same picture. My apologies if this measure seems intrusive, we are typically not supposed to be sharing sources with new members.
Do feel free to DM it to me if you feel more comfortable that way.
 
Last edited:
L

lonelyAusM51

Member
Aug 15, 2023
7
hey I can relate I have just had my marriage end after 23 years and my wife was the love of my life / best friend and I feel so sad, lovely and depressed that all i can think about it ending the pain i'm in! I hope you can try and find something to keep you in this world but I understand the pain you are going through...
 
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underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
Alrighty, I can walk you through the steps if needed. But first a couple of questions, and please forgive me if they are too direct. Are you trying to end yourself because of gender dysphoria? If so, I just want to let you know that HRT can have surprising results. I started transitioning at 19 too (am 21), and I pass quite well to the point where I can go to the proper bathrooms without anyone batting an eyelid. And this is only after 2 years, HRT will work wonders once you give it more time such as 5 years. I would be ending myself due to very complicated reasons that are mostly not related to my own transition.

Anyways, I digress. Since we are both adults I will be providing you with a source (and advice on how to get it from customs) regardless of your answer, but if gender dysphoria is your main reason for dying, then it might be worth your while to stick around a little.

I do have to request a picture of your E bottle with your IGN scribbled on it or a piece of paper nearby, please blur/hide any identifying details (name, address, phone, pharmacy address, etc…) I just need to see the part saying Estradiol-lupin or whichever version of e you are taking, and your IGN in the same picture. My apologies if this measure seems intrusive, we are typically not supposed to be sharing sources with new members.
Do feel free to DM it to me if you feel more comfortable that way.
i cant do it, i cant kms really, but if you still want my E patch with my ign i can send it in your dms..
hey I can relate I have just had my marriage end after 23 years and my wife was the love of my life / best friend and I feel so sad, lovely and depressed that all i can think about it ending the pain i'm in! I hope you can try and find something to keep you in this world but I understand the pain you are going through...
i want her back but, it will be alright, i did a lot of drugs so i can't really feel much right now
 
Octavia

Octavia

“I’d… rather kill myself.”
Mar 4, 2023
363
i cant do it, i cant kms really, but if you still want my E patch with my ign i can send it in your dms..
Oh, I would be providing you with the relevant information regardless of what your answer is. I just wanted to let you know that HRT takes time to do its work, that is all. Whether you decide to live or die is none of my business, only you have the authority to make decisions about your life. Most people here would suggest using death as a last resort, but that is only advice, not a requirement.

If you're using patches you can send me a picture of the box + IGN, as long as I know you have an E product, we're good. Cops rarely have transition meds with them haha


Oh wait, I just read what you wrote again. So you do not wish to end yourself? That is great news! Your dad sounds cool enough, I'm sure that things might be okay if he decides to stand by you. The future can be unpredictable, and sometimes in the best way. Wish you luck on your recovery, the Recovery section has a lot of great resources and advice! :D
 
Last edited:
underscore_nine

underscore_nine

the sweet release
Feb 17, 2023
148
Oh, I would be providing you with the relevant information regardless of what your answer is. I just wanted to let you know that HRT takes time to do its work, that is all. Whether you decide to live or die is none of my business, only you have the authority to make decisions about your life. Most people here would suggest using death as a last resort, but that is only advice, not a requirement.

If you're using patches you can send me a picture of the box + IGN, as long as I know you have an E product, we're good. Cops rarely have transition meds with them haha
hhi, i took the picture here you go :) (i used my apple watch because i had no paper) IMG 2375
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,281
That must be painful what you are going through, it really is so cruel how people suffer so much, I don't believe that other people can be relied on. But anyway best wishes.
 

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