Discussion My friend paid for my SN

[falloutcarter13]

By now, most of you know my situation. I'm flat broke, literally I have about $2 I could spend. I have a friend who's 100% in the loop about my decision, he understands on a deeper level why this is something I have to do, and even though it makes him sad, he's committed to being supportive. When I told him about my planned method and was fretting about how to get it (by selling something I want to leave to people after I'm gone or something like that), he offered to send me the gift card to be able to buy it. Which he actually did without me accepting the offer. He said he didn't want to agonize over it or make me have to feel like I was asking, he was just like "here's the money, do with it what you will." He knows I'm committed to leaving, and he understands my decision and all he cares about is my exit being as painless and peaceful as possible. It's just pure love, and even though its not enough to make me want to stick around (since I'd be going to prison for an amalgamation of misdemeanor charges - I always feel like a shitty person when I talk about the upcoming prison sentence, I want everybody to know it was for minor crimes that were not against any person, business, or entity. I just drove drunk a lot because I was self medicating, and thank god I never hurt anybody.) Even though its not enough to make me stick around, it makes me feel a little guilty. Well a lot guilty. But he insists that I don't feel that way, that he was glad to be able to do something physical to show me he's behind me. I don't know what brought my friend into my life, how he's able to be so compassionate and understanding and selfless, or what I ever did to deserve him. He's also offered to skype with me at the end, so I don't have to be alone. And its a serious offer, he says it would actually be easier to watch me go than to know I'm doing it and lie there and wonder. What do those in the community think about that? If it were you, would you allow a friend like this to be there, even virtually, at your end?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

By now, most of you know my situation. I'm flat broke, literally I have about $2 I could spend. I have a friend who's 100% in the loop about my decision, he understands on a deeper level why this is something I have to do, and even though it makes him sad, he's committed to being supportive. When I told him about my planned method and was fretting about how to get it (by selling something I want to leave to people after I'm gone or something like that), he offered to send me the gift card to be able to buy it. Which he actually did without me accepting the offer. He said he didn't want to agonize over it or make me have to feel like I was asking, he was just like "here's the money, do with it what you will." He knows I'm committed to leaving, and he understands my decision and all he cares about is my exit being as painless and peaceful as possible. It's just pure love, and even though its not enough to make me want to stick around (since I'd be going to prison for an amalgamation of misdemeanor charges - I always feel like a shitty person when I talk about the upcoming prison sentence, I want everybody to know it was for minor crimes that were not against any person, business, or entity. I just drove drunk a lot because I was self medicating, and thank god I never hurt anybody.) Even though its not enough to make me stick around, it makes me feel a little guilty. Well a lot guilty. But he insists that I don't feel that way, that he was glad to be able to do something physical to show me he's behind me. I don't know what brought my friend into my life, how he's able to be so compassionate and understanding and selfless, or what I ever did to deserve him. He's also offered to skype with me at the end, so I don't have to be alone. And its a serious offer, he says it would actually be easier to watch me go than to know I'm doing it and lie there and wonder. What do those in the community think about that? If it were you, would you allow a friend like this to be there, even virtually, at your end?

Holy shit you have a good friend there

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah totally. my husband and friend knows everything. i wouldnt include my friend in it so much but thats because hes been there before

 

[falloutcarter13]

Holy shit you have a good friend there

I don't understand how he can be so selfless, but I'm so grateful for him. What do you think about his offer?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I don't understand how he can be so selfless, but I'm so grateful for him

I'm glad you won't be alone at the end and I hope it is as pain free and peaceful as possible.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I'm glad you won't be alone at the end and I hope it is as pain free and peaceful as possible.

I'm okay with some pain and discomfort, I just don't want to punish myself with unnecessary amounts at the end. I feel peace now, but I don't know how I'll feel when I'm actually mixing it up and drinking it down...hopefully it'll be like my past attempts, where a strange emotionless calm came over me. Thank you so much for your sweet words, they mean so much to me. So you think I should give him that, let him actually be there in a way for it? (He says its what *he* really wants, insists, actually.)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's really nice that your friend did that, but if I were in your position I would reconsider posting about it or telling anyone about in PMs. If law enforcement or anyone else goes through your electronic devices and discovers you were on this site, or if anyone you know recognizes you from all the photos of yourself you've used for your avatar (assuming that really is you), then your friend could potentially go to jail for encouraging and assisting in your suicide. Even in PMs, someone who seems cool could turn out to be a prolifer or psychopath and report your suicide and SS interactions to the police, or could even be the police.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I'm okay with some pain and discomfort, I just don't want to punish myself with unnecessary amounts at the end. I feel peace now, but I don't know how I'll feel when I'm actually mixing it up and drinking it down...hopefully it'll be like my past attempts, where a strange emotionless calm came over me. Thank you so much for your sweet words, they mean so much to me. So you think I should give him that, let him actually be there in a way for it? (He says its what *he* really wants, insists, actually.)

I would want to be there if I was him.

 

[falloutcarter13]

It's really nice that your friend did that, but if I were in your position I would reconsider posting about it or telling anyone about in PMs. If law enforcement or anyone else goes through your electronic devices and discovers you were on this site, or if anyone you know recognizes you from all the photos of yourself you've used for your avatar (assuming that really is you), then your friend could potentially go to jail for encouraging and assisting in your suicide. Even in PMs, someone who seems cool could turn out to be a prolifer or psychopath and report your suicide and SS interactions to the police, or could even be the police.

Its a concern I shared as well. We looked up the laws in our respective states (we're online friends and we've only met/hung out in person three times in five years) and he has no liability. The law enforcement in my area does not investigate what it deems to be clear cases of suicide, but he's extremely careful about his online privacy either way. Thank you for your concern because the last thing I'd want to do to repay his kindness is get him into any sort of trouble.

 

[inactive]

Sounds sweet to me. You don't meet people like that every day. You're lucky to have him.