Venting My friend makes me want to die

[i.dne]

So I've always had problems with managing my depression and thoughts of CBT but last year I feel I have been able to somewhat improve my mental health. My best friend since six grade has also had trouble with her depression but has actually gotten worse as she lives with her mom who is emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. She decided to take a gap year after Highschool which I believe has made her much more miserable since she is stuck being around her mom all the time. This has definitely changed her personality as she seems to always be very angry and negative (which is understandable). I suggested she tried therapy but she refused as she had a bad experience with family therapy. This is fine since therapy isn't for everyone but I've noticed that it has felt she has been using me as a therapist. And I have no problem with listening to her problems and being their for her but, all she talks about the whole time we hangout is the drama going on in her life which has become very overwhelming for me. I have tried to offer advice and offer my support but she doesn't seem to listen. The most frustrating part about all of it is that she doesn't have to be in this situation. Her dad has a good paying job so he has been giving her a $500 allowance per week. I recommend her to save up the money she gets so she can afford to leave and get an apartment or even just ask her dad to pay for the rent (since she told me that he would agree to pay it if she just asked). But instead she spends all her money shopping. Not only has she become more of a negative person but she has become kinda bossy and even a little selfish. She often tells me what to do and gets angry when I refuse to do it. She has also been doing kinda selfish things (like purposely parking in two parking spots so no one parks right next to her car). Her bad attitude and negative mindset on everything has been destroying any progress I've made and has been making me miserable too. I now dread whenever we make plans to hangout. But I have stayed there for her and let myself keep feeling miserable because I care about her. I am the only friend she has left so I feel an extra amount of pressure to make her not feel alone. Last month however I kinda had a breaking point. I have recently found out my dog had a aggressive form of cancer. I couldn't afford chemotherapy so I was going to need to put her down soon. My dog was my world so I was exceedingly depressed. I thought maybe I could vent to my friend about it so she suggested we go to the store and talk there. As she was shopping I was telling her about what was going on but after only about 5 minutes she tells me "This is making me so sad, let's change the subject." She then goes on talking about the drama between her and her mom. I was hurt that she didn't seem to care enough to listen to me about what I was dealing with but I listened to what was going on with her anyways. It then came time to checkout. She spent over $200 on clothes, dog clothes and toys for her dog, plushies, etc… I only grabbed some conditioner since I didn't have much money and was saving up for a coffin for my dog. My friend knew this information but still decided to shove me to the side when I went to put my phone number in for the reward points just so she can add her number instead to get the points herself. At first I though she was just kidding but she just said "I spent more money than you, I need this." As if she didn't get $500 a week. I was beyond angry and hurt by the lack of empathy she had for me. It has been a month since then and I haven't talked to her since. My dog died only about a week after but I haven't even told her since I no longer have the emotional capacity to hear her go on about the drama in her life. She has reached out about a day ago but the idea of being around her makes me want to cry. I don't know what to do since I don't want to abandon her and I know it's not all her fault as her mom has been really harmful to her mental health. We been friends for such a long time. But I don't know how much more I can take before I have a breakdown and do something I regret. I worry if I were to leave her that would be her final straw and cause her to CTB which I couldn't judge her for (since I'm here obviously) but would hate to be the reason for her doing so. I am now in such a bad place and feel any progress I made is completely gone. Sorry if this vent sounds silly, I just haven't had anyone willing to listen to me for more than a couple minutes and have been feeling really alone. It's almost as if no one see me as an actual person anymore.

 

[Disaster]

sorry that you're going through it, and sorry for the dog :( Has your friend ever told or suggested that she will CTB if you will try to enforce some boundaries? That would be manipulative. My advice would be talking about your feelings: "I feel this and that when you're allowed to vent but I'm not", "I feel less important in this relationship when you do this and this" etc. Even "I won't want to continue to hang out together if I won't be treated as equally important as you". She has to deal with that. This website I think quite strongly advocates that suicidal people can be reasonable adults who can make their own decisions. If you'd assume that they are manipulative and self-absorbed and everyone should be walking on eggshells or they will attempt to CTB, then they would have more rights than a non-suicidal person, who has to behave to make other people to want to be around.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really awful and tiring having to put up with someone so incredibly self centred and it's very much understandable wishing to avoid that person. Your post certainly doesn't sound silly at all.

 

[Ruma]

cut her loose,she sounds very self centered and its affecting you badly. No one needs friends like that,it's all one sided. Very sorry to hear about your dog,must be heartbreaking.

 

[WaitingToGo]

So sorry to read this and the loss of your dear dog, your friend sounds very selfish and only interested in herself. For your own sake I would steer clear of her for a while.

 

[VioletNight]

Sometimes your own mental health has to take priority over other's.
I recommend you distance yourself from her, there's not always something you can do to help and she might drag you down with her.