Help My friend had a friend die recently...

[Black Rose Bunny]

I feel extremely shitty, because my friend had one of her close friends die, very likely suicide, and she's very sad, obviously. And she talked about how he had a lot of dark thoughts he knew weren't normal and didn't talk about. And how sad it is that he was young. She also explicitly said he was similar to me and that she's concerned about me too.

But I feel shitty because I really want to kms soon, and I had plans to do it by now, but due to quarantine, i can't find enough time alone

And like obviously at some point I'm going to kms, like it just needs to happen. That's just how it is. But when I do, my friend will be so devastated

But like everything in my life has been piling onto each other and I need to ctb ASAP, but I feel like I can't do it

But I feel like I don't have any options here because like it's not like I can just stay alive forever, I'm definitely going to end up kms

 

[faust]

It will be hard for her to live with those thoughts for a while, however she will have to face that.
Death is an inevitable part of our lives and only lonely people never experience death of their friends and family members.
This is a bitter truth and nobody will be able to run away from that.
You cannot live for your friend and you cannot die for your friend. You are two different people. Maybe now you are feeling worse than she will feel if you die. We will never know that. But we are not designed to meet anybody's expectations, we have our own life paths. If you decide to CTB, the best thing you can do is to write a good note describing how bad you felt and that your friendship was always worth of these moments which you spent with that person.

 

[oneofthoseyoudontwan]

Well if you kill yourself, your friend definitely will be afected and traumatized, maybe gets depressed too. Sorry to hear that you want to ctb, you know we are here if you want to talk always!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for the position you are in. It sucks that we have to stay and be miserable so others won't be. I think my friends will eventually get over it since they have other friends and family. I'm more concerned about my parents.
I'm also stuck because of the quarantine... so wish I had been able to do it sooner. I lack the courage other than an attempt 2 years ago.

 

[luna666]

I know how hard it is, specially when someone will actually feel sad about you and your situation.

My sister lost a friend to suicide today and if she's feeling sad for just knowing that, I'm not sure how she'll react when I go inside our own house.

It's a difficult topic to talk, because we know how much we can handle and what feel right for us, but for those that don't see this the same way as us, we can only hope that we can leave a message to help them grieve.

I don't know your situation or what drove you to this decision, but caring for others during grief it's not a bad thing and will always be there when you care about someone.

Some people think that suicidal people are egotistical and this is wrong, you're still human and that's why we try to find a way to make the situation easier to deal with, by researching methods that leave a peaceful scene, and you can leave words in letters that can help to close their wounds.

Whatever situation you decide for you, I hope you find a way to get the peace that you're searching for.