foreverotting
Member
- Oct 1, 2020
- 49
My friend committed suicide last Friday and ever since I have been miserable. I miss her so much and the fact I rarely talked to her kills me. I met her at a mental health hospital in 2018 and she would always walk in with radiating energy that made everyone around her happy. She always complimented me and seemed like a genuinely great person who I got close to. After I was discharged I stopped talking to everyone because I was so depressed abd in my own world. I was already doing awful before I heard she passed, but now I just want to die. I almost feel jealous because she left this world and I cannot. I miss her so much and I wish it just could've been me. She didn't deserve to feel so bad that she took her own life. I wish I had the strength in me to end my life but seeing how sad everyone that knew her is and how badly it's affecting me makes me resist. I also cannot imagine the pain my mom would go through and never being able to see my beautiful niece grow up. I hate and absolutely despise this world and myself, but I have too many things I care about in this world. I just want to be able to die without feeling regret or guilt. I wish I was just never born because I can whole heartedly say I will never love my life.