Story My friend begged me not to ctb

[baller]

Im not really keen to explain everything before so idk, you can read my last few posts if u want context.

Anyway, I saw my best friend today. We were crying and everyone was hugging her and everything. When we were alone she asked me to promise not to ctb. I couldn't. I kept staying silent as she begged and I felt like a horrible person. At one point I finally told her I couldn't promise her that. I apologised over and over again and later on, she said she understood that I couldn't promise her that.

Im a horrible person. She's been through so much and has never deserved any of it. I don't want to keep living and I don't want to cause her pain. I don't want to cause anyone pain, I wish i could just wipe myself from existence so I never hurt anyone.

Im going to her prayer group tonight to support her. I've got gifts for her and her little brother. (and if anyone can recommend anything I could give to her dad, that would be so incredible.) If anything happens I might make a new post but idk.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think you're a horrible person. You didn't want to make a promise you couldn't keep. That's an honourable thing. It means you care about keeping a promise and you respect your friend enough not to lie to them.

I understand why she did it. She obviously doesn't want you to go. I don't exactly think she's horrible but it does put an enormous amount of pressure on someone to ask them to promise that. Realistically, no one can promise it either. Even your friend. None of us know what's ahead of us. We could come down with a very painful incurable illness. Anything could happen.

I think you're handling it better than I would. That sort of thing would definitely make me feel guilty and awful but to be honest, a part of me would feel annoyed at them for trying to make me feel like that. It's different to say- I hope things change for you. I hope you end up wanting to stay. Even to ask someone to say goodbye before the end but, a promise to stay? That's presumably under any circumstances. No matter how bad things are for you, you need to promise to stay for me. I just don't think that's fair. (Sorry.)

I'm sure your friend is amazing and I remember you saying they have an awful lot to deal with themselves. I suppose they're just being honest about how they feel too. It's just a lot to ask of someone I think. If your situations were swapped, would you ask them to promise that to you?

I think it's something therapists sometimes use. I had to talk to a helpline following the IC SN welfare checks and they asked me to promise I would call them before I used it. I just said I knew their number and I would reach out to them if I wanted their help. Really though, I was thinking- of course I won't ring you! If I'm certain I want to CTB, why on earth would I ring somewhere who do all in their power to prevent it? Including sending police! How stupid do you think I am? But obviously- I didn't say that. There's no way I'd make that promise to anyone though. In my view, it's not fair for anyone to ask that of another.

 

[baller]

I don't think you're a horrible person. You didn't want to make a promise you couldn't keep. That's an honourable thing. It means you care about keeping a promise and you respect your friend enough not to lie to them.

I understand why she did it. She obviously doesn't want you to go. I don't exactly think she's horrible but it does put an enormous amount of pressure on someone to ask them to promise that. Realistically, no one can promise it either. Even your friend. None of us know what's ahead of us. We could come down with a very painful incurable illness. Anything could happen.

I think you're handling it better than I would. That sort of thing would definitely make me feel guilty and awful but to be honest, a part of me would feel annoyed at them for trying to make me feel like that. It's different to say- I hope things change for you. I hope you end up wanting to stay. Even to ask someone to say goodbye before the end but, a promise to stay? That's presumably under any circumstances. No matter how bad things are for you, you need to promise to stay for me. I just don't think that's fair. (Sorry.)

I'm sure your friend is amazing and I remember you saying they have an awful lot to deal with themselves. I suppose they're just being honest about how they feel too. It's just a lot to ask of someone I think. If your situations were swapped, would you ask them to promise that to you?

I think it's something therapists sometimes use. I had to talk to a helpline following the IC SN welfare checks and they asked me to promise I would call them before I used it. I just said I knew their number and I would reach out to them if I wanted their help. Really though, I was thinking- of course I won't ring you! If I'm certain I want to CTB, why on earth would I ring somewhere who do all in their power to prevent it? Including sending police! How stupid do you think I am? But obviously- I didn't say that. There's no way I'd make that promise to anyone though. In my view, it's not fair for anyone to ask that of another.

Thank you man, it means alot to me, just listening to what i have to say is crazy meaningful to me