My first thread in the recovery forum…

[emgrl]

I recently suffered a major trauma… and it's caused permanent changes and damage to my physical appearance and body. It's changed me mentally, I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and agoraphobia…

I've been seeing my psychiatrist since the end of July, and she put me on a lot of meds. I will admit, I don't take them… I was taking the lexapro and hydroxyzine everyday for a bit, but I don't even take them anymore. My doctor also said I should see a therapist, so I got one, and I do like her even though she might say things I don't wanna hear.

She had also changed a medication, from abilify to latuda. Mind you, I never took either.

She says she can see the change and improvement in me… that the change in meds was what I needed. Of course I can't tell her that I haven't taken them, so does this mean I'm getting better all on my own? Is it possible?

I really thought that CTB was my only option, now I'm wondering if I can be the strongest I've ever been in my life and seriously kick this trauma's ass?!

All I can do is my best, and as the title says, this is my first post in this section… anxiously awaiting anyone and everyone's feedback. Sending you all peace and love

♡-Em

 

[freight_train]

think about cbt as a last resort, that you can always choose that option. now you are free to go do whatever you want, including kicking the trauma's ass. because yes, you can do it, I have no doubt.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I think it's totally possible to get better without medications like you seem to be. I would question the usefulness of going to a psychiatrist if you don't ever planning on taking the medications. I'm also hesitant and squeamish about trying new meds, but I'm honest with providers and don't see them more than I need to. In my opinion, if you aren't being honest with providers, it seems pointless to go (unless you are getting SOMETHING else out of it, feel free to disregard this advice).

I'm happy that you have some hope again. I'd say it's worth trying to manage your trauma, as this is the only chance we get at life. My motto that keeps me going is that I can always CTB later. Hugs

 

[Anxieyote]

Personal motivation can go a long way! It sounds like you are open-minded to the possibility of change, which is a great start.

One of the most powerful tools for change is being around highly-motivated people as well. When I was in a fraternity in college, the men there were always organizing different events, working on projects, and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. If left to my own devices, I tend to lounge around and be very unproductive, not open to change, etc., but when I was around them I felt compelled to be involved and proactive in nearly every aspect of my life.

Hard to find a group like that, and I didn't recognize at the time that I should have been incredibly thankful for that environment. Just wanted to pass that info onto you in case you are in a position where you can be a part of a group that actively encourages each other like that. For me, it is one of my only ways to kickstart and maintain my motivation levels.

 

[emgrl]

think about cbt as a last resort, that you can always choose that option. now you are free to go do whatever you want, including kicking the trauma's ass. because yes, you can do it, I have no doubt.

Thank you… doing my best!

I think it's totally possible to get better without medications like you seem to be. I would question the usefulness of going to a psychiatrist if you don't ever planning on taking the medications. I'm also hesitant and squeamish about trying new meds, but I'm honest with providers and don't see them more than I need to. In my opinion, if you aren't being honest with providers, it seems pointless to go (unless you are getting SOMETHING else out of it, feel free to disregard this advice).

I'm happy that you have some hope again. I'd say it's worth trying to manage your trauma, as this is the only chance we get at life. My motto that keeps me going is that I can always CTB later. Hugs

I do get something else from her… she was the first person I felt safe with post-trauma. She says I only need to see her every other week now instead of every week.

I know it's not good to lie, but I don't think I ever needed medication to begin with. That all has to do with my actual trauma, which is really hard to talk about. But there wasn't a chemical imbalance, more of a hormonal one, which I was Always open and honest about with my docs. I mean, that's what caused the trauma. Now that things are balanced out again, I feel better. I've told her that, that all I needed was to be balanced out. But, for some reason they all really believe in medication.

Personal motivation can go a long way! It sounds like you are open-minded to the possibility of change, which is a great start.

One of the most powerful tools for change is being around highly-motivated people as well. When I was in a fraternity in college, the men there were always organizing different events, working on projects, and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. If left to my own devices, I tend to lounge around and be very unproductive, not open to change, etc., but when I was around them I felt compelled to be involved and proactive in nearly every aspect of my life.

Hard to find a group like that, and I didn't recognize at the time that I should have been incredibly thankful for that environment. Just wanted to pass that info onto you in case you are in a position where you can be a part of a group that actively encourages each other like that. For me, it is one of my only ways to kickstart and maintain my motivation levels.

Thanks for the tip… I know this to be true, before my trauma this past June, I had no idea what depression nor anxiety really felt like. I used to be so productive. I hope to get her back again.

 

[makethepainstop]

I recently suffered a major trauma… and it's caused permanent changes and damage to my physical appearance and body. It's changed me mentally, I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and agoraphobia…

I've been seeing my psychiatrist since the end of July, and she put me on a lot of meds. I will admit, I don't take them… I was taking the lexapro and hydroxyzine everyday for a bit, but I don't even take them anymore. My doctor also said I should see a therapist, so I got one, and I do like her even though she might say things I don't wanna hear.

She had also changed a medication, from abilify to latuda. Mind you, I never took either.

She says she can see the change and improvement in me… that the change in meds was what I needed. Of course I can't tell her that I haven't taken them, so does this mean I'm getting better all on my own? Is it possible?

I really thought that CTB was my only option, now I'm wondering if I can be the strongest I've ever been in my life and seriously kick this trauma's ass?!

All I can do is my best, and as the title says, this is my first post in this section… anxiously awaiting anyone and everyone's feedback. Sending you all peace and love

♡-Em

That's all some of us have is hope. Although at 60+ I personally am tired of hoping. For me it's time for action.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Yes it means you are doing this on your own without meds. This means you have an incredible amount of strength in you. Keep doing what you are doing.
20 years ago in college, I did something similar. I was put on anti depressives and went to therapy. I kept lying saying I was taking the meds even though I wasn't. The therapist said there was an improvement. My grades were in the toilet and I was on academic probation on the verge of being kicked out. I wound up deciding to do better in school, dumped my crappy significant other, and all of a sudden I stopped having thoughts of jumping off tall buildings or throwing myself into traffic. They thought it was the meds. It wasn't. Somehow my soul had a burst of strength.

 

[freedompass]

Yes it means you are doing this on your own without meds. This means you have an incredible amount of strength in you. Keep doing what you are doing.
20 years ago in college, I did something similar. I was put on anti depressives and went to therapy. I kept lying saying I was taking the meds even though I wasn't. The therapist said there was an improvement. My grades were in the toilet and I was on academic probation on the verge of being kicked out. I wound up deciding to do better in school, dumped my crappy significant other, and all of a sudden I stopped having thoughts of jumping off tall buildings or throwing myself into traffic. They thought it was the meds. It wasn't. Somehow my soul had a burst of strength.

Meds should be a last resort IMO. I think you and @emgrl both did the right thing not to take em.

I love your username! (as a 60 year old) because they are so much closer to death right?

really thought that CTB was my only option, now I'm wondering if I can be the strongest I've ever been in my life and seriously kick this trauma's ass?!

Sounds very positive! Why not give it a go

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Yes it means you are doing this on your own without meds. This means you have an incredible amount of strength in you. Keep doing what you are doing.
20 years ago in college, I did something similar. I was put on anti depressives and went to therapy. I kept lying saying I was taking the meds even though I wasn't. The therapist said there was an improvement. My grades were in the toilet and I was on academic probation on the verge of being kicked out. I wound up deciding to do better in school, dumped my crappy significant other, and all of a sudden I stopped having thoughts of jumping off tall buildings or throwing myself into traffic. They thought it was the meds. It wasn't. Somehow my soul had a burst of strength.

That sounds wonderful, what do you think gave you that burst of strength, if you had to take a guess? You seem unsure since you said 'somehow' but I don't know, maybe I misread

 

[emgrl]

Yes it means you are doing this on your own without meds. This means you have an incredible amount of strength in you. Keep doing what you are doing.
20 years ago in college, I did something similar. I was put on anti depressives and went to therapy. I kept lying saying I was taking the meds even though I wasn't. The therapist said there was an improvement. My grades were in the toilet and I was on academic probation on the verge of being kicked out. I wound up deciding to do better in school, dumped my crappy significant other, and all of a sudden I stopped having thoughts of jumping off tall buildings or throwing myself into traffic. They thought it was the meds. It wasn't. Somehow my soul had a burst of strength.

Thank you… just you saying I have strength, makes me feel even stronger.
I just refuse to give up. Even if my trauma leaves me damaged, I can't give up on my life.

 

[outatime_85]

Thank you… just you saying I have strength, makes me feel even stronger.
I just refuse to give up. Even if my trauma leaves me damaged, I can't give up on my life.

@emgrl You seem to have chosen Si vis pacem, para bellum as your option.

@emgrl Let no one dissuade you from your newfound strength and your determination to not give in to what you have been through. You will have your moments, but try not to listen to that negative voice (sometimes you just have to put on those Bose noise-canceling headphones).

Now go forth and kick every day in the nuts.

 

[emgrl]

@emgrl You seem to have chosen Si vis pacem, para bellum as your option.

@emgrl Let no one dissuade you from your newfound strength and your determination to not give in to what you have been through. You will have your moments, but try not to listen to that negative voice (sometimes you just have to put on those Bose noise-canceling headphones).

Now go forth and kick every day in the nuts.

I feel like I have been at war, but was looking for the wrong kind of peace.

I want to live, even if that means it won't be the same life I had.

I'm prepared for this war now, for the kind of peace that's right for me. I choose Life.

Also, feeling a bit under the weather, so I will kick ass soon! I can't wait to go out, and reintroduce myself to society. I know I can do this, just when I'm not so

Thank you for your kind words… they fuel the strength even more. ♡

 

[outatime_85]

I feel like I have been at war, but was looking for the wrong kind of peace.

I want to live, even if that means it won't be the same life I had.

I think I understand. You were searching for what you needed, but the map you had was not working, and now you are using a new map with your own rules, terms, and boundaries.

I'm prepared for this war now, for the kind of peace that's right for me. I choose Life.

That is good.

Also, feeling a bit under the weather, so I will kick ass soon!

I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.

Here is some.

I can't wait to go out, and reintroduce myself to society.

This one's for you Jay-Z - Public Service Announcement (Interlude)

Thank you for your kind words… they fuel the strength even more. ♡

No problem, and I think everyone on this platform will be rooting for you.

 

[emgrl]

I think I understand. You were searching for what you needed, but the map you had was not working, and now you are using a new map with your own rules, terms, and boundaries.


That is good.


I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.

Here is some.


This one's for you Jay-Z - Public Service Announcement (Interlude)


No problem, and I think everyone on this platform will be rooting for you.

Bahahaha! Nice Jay-Z reference, didn't even put it together at first. Now it'll be stuck in my head all day

 

[outatime_85]

Bahahaha! Nice Jay-Z reference, didn't even put it together at first. Now it'll be stuck in my head all day

You are most welcome.

 

[noaccount]

Only you know whether a drug is helpful to you or not, but doctors not only have god complexes about fixing us with drugs, they ALSO have wildly different ideas about what "better" or "healthy" means than we do. For instance your average doctor may often "imagine" that I would be "healthier" if I was heterosexual, subscribed to a Work Ethic and wanting to be a Professional in the Job Market, and other things that would be sickening(!) and miserable to me - I am much, much better off living, thinking, and feeling in ways that they consider "crazy."

 

[Ceterum]

think about cbt as a last resort, that you can always choose that option. now you are free to go do whatever you want, including kicking the trauma's ass. because yes, you can do it, I have no doubt.

that. having death as a way out can open doors in life, since you don't need to prove anyone anything. because if you fail or feel like you don't want to take it anymore, you still can take the stairwell to neverland ... go for it, girl

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Hey, way to go. We joined the site around the same time and I've seen your posts around. Glad to hear you're on the upswing and hope it persists, and that you can remember it happened and this strength should you have any setbacks.

Funny how you say the med people believe in the pills "for some reason"; pharmaceutical corps have way too much sway in the health science field to the point where they are literally influencing medical school curricula (sadly this isn't tinfoil hat stuff; it's widely reported), so of course they're going to believe in the drugs - they've been taught to. The worst/smartest thing the "upper" echelon of society ever did was subdivide learning and remove philosophy and critical thinking from school curricula. No one questions anything...