Story My first post

[LostInSociety]

I,m a 27 year old male with not much to complain about.
I have most off the good things in life a house a good job many friends and an loving and understanding wife.

I just don't understand why I'm here on this planet why am so fucked?

I hate myself for everything it feels like I just fuck up anyone's life I enter. I work so hard to get what I want but I'm never happy when I get it. I have had 3 attempts to CTB failed all of them (worst feeling in the world).

But still I find myself here trying to find a way to make my CTB look like an accident. I'm trying to find a good reason to justify CTB but I can't find one but I really want one.

*NB* sorry for any spelling or grammar errors english is not my native language

( there are so much I want to say just don't know how)

 

[Life_and_Death]

I work so hard to get what I want but I'm never happy when I get it.

Have you ever worked at being happy? I'm talking about internally. Just being at peace with things. I find what helps me is acceptence. Not "ok this is how it is" but something more like the serenity prayer. (and before you think I'm a religious person hear me out) in my "religion" I am god. But not in an Almighty way but more I believe in myself way. I don't need an external being to tell me what morals are. I don't need an external being to pray to. All of that is in my heart. Ever since I've started believing in myself I look at religious quotes differently.

 

[LostInSociety]

Have you ever worked at being happy? I'm talking about internally. Just being at peace with things. I find what helps me is acceptence. Not "ok this is how it is" but something more like the serenity prayer. (and before you think I'm a religious person hear me out) in my "religion" I am god. But not in an Almighty way but more I believe in myself way. I don't need an external being to tell me what morals are. I don't need an external being to pray to. All of that is in my heart. Ever since I've started believing in myself I look at religious quotes differently.

I see religion as being a way to control society

I don't even know how to work on being happy. I don't know what to be happy about, it does not feel like I deserve to be happy. I know thats my mind telling me all this but I don't know how to change it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I see religion as being a way to control society

Yeah, I've never been able to get behind religion. That's why I'm doing my own thing but "religion" is the only way I can think to explain it.

I don't even know how to work on being happy. I don't know what to be happy about, it does not feel like I deserve to be happy. I know thats my mind telling me all this but I don't know how to change it.

Have you ever read the serenity prayer? Just change the God out for you. I never understood why someone had to "grant" me something. Why can't I just discover it within myself?

 

[tidalwxves]

I,m a 27 year old male with not much to complain about.
I have most off the good things in life a house a good job many friends and an loving and understanding wife.

I just don't understand why I'm here on this planet why am so fucked?

I hate myself for everything it feels like I just fuck up anyone's life I enter. I work so hard to get what I want but I'm never happy when I get it. I have had 3 attempts to CTB failed all of them (worst feeling in the world).

But still I find myself here trying to find a way to make my CTB look like an accident. I'm trying to find a good reason to justify CTB but I can't find one but I really want one.

*NB* sorry for any spelling or grammar errors english is not my native language

( there are so much I want to say just don't know how)

Welcome! this community for people exactly like you. Here we will do our best to listen and support. Don't feel embarassed by your english, its quite good. Being bilingual is impressive! What I will say though is your shouldn't be looking for a justification to CTB. It will only make you more depressed. It's a perspective that will only increase your pyschological pain. Feel free to private message me for a more personal conversaton, there are lots of other people on this site willing to talk you through your issues whatever they may be. Hope things improve and you can enjoy some peace soon

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome. I'm sorry you are going through a bad time.

 

[SipSop]

Welcome.