Looong time lurker, first time poster here. Can't believe I'm even posting, as I pretty much never post in any forum ever. But this is the only place I can be totally honest and maybe even understood. I am 90% sure life is not for me. Some of us just do not belong here. Sure, depression plays a large role but those "irrational" thoughts seem to have a whole lot of evidence. I struggle to connect with people. I'm in my 30s, single, barely any friends, not close with family, not much money, nothing to show for my life. I do not see any kind of future in which happiness would be a possibility. Every day is the same, every day is horrible. The loneliness, isolation, boredom, lack of motivation, demoralising and negative thoughts and feelings is too much to bear at times. My sleeping and eating habits are very messed up, which just adds to the exhaustion. I have been in therapy for 6 years, I have tried CBT, meditation and mindfulness, Buddhism, changing my lifestyle, with varying results, but I always find myself right back here, nothing works in the long term and it has gotten to be unbearable. I do not want to try meds. I am stuck and do not feel that things will ever change. There is only a faint flicker of hope left in me (maybe my name should be hopeisALMOSTgone lol). Even though I am not yet at 100% sure, it is enough that I would like to have the option available to me with my chosen method.
So my method of choice is N. I have done much reading on this method. A main reason for signing up here and starting to post is to see if I can get some advice about acquiring N from A without getting caught. My location has notoriously strict border controls. I did see a couple of members managed to acquire N this way, and I want to know how to do order it in the best way. Do you just order it via email with A with your real details and hope for the best?? Of course I don't want to lose a bunch of $$ but also I am pretty scared of LE knocking on my door, let alone the prospect of harsher penalties (though I know that is very rare). I suppose one just has to take a chance with something like this?
Another option I'd consider is going overseas to a country where it is much easier to acquire in person and then actually ctb in that country. It is difficult to do this given the current global situation but I am not in an immediate hurry. I suppose the difficulty there would be explaining your mystery vacation to people. I sometimes fantasise about using my life savings to book a week-long trip to Mexico or Peru, first class flight (always wanted to experience that!), 5 star hotel, living in luxury with the best food, massages, beaches, whatever for a week and then ... checking out permanently. It might be a nice way to go, having a little "celebration" beforehand. I dunno.
I don't think I'd consider any other method, as I want the most peaceful, painless, effective, and fast method. No other method seems to come close except for maybe Carbon Monoxide, which I did consider, but that seems way too difficult to execute properly.
Anyway, I guess what I was really hoping for was tips on acquiring N from A into a very strict country. But I suppose people are understandably not going to just offer up information publicly. So maybe if I post more, I can ask some members directly that I know have done it in my country and hope they will be kind enough to help. Thanks for reading, and thank you for all your discussion and valuable info I've read during all my lurking :)
Someone wrote on my profile but I don't know how to reply to that, so I'll hope they see it here. No, I am not from Singapore. I guess I've seen lots of people mention their countries so I guess it's ok.. I'm from Australia.
So my method of choice is N. I have done much reading on this method. A main reason for signing up here and starting to post is to see if I can get some advice about acquiring N from A without getting caught. My location has notoriously strict border controls. I did see a couple of members managed to acquire N this way, and I want to know how to do order it in the best way. Do you just order it via email with A with your real details and hope for the best?? Of course I don't want to lose a bunch of $$ but also I am pretty scared of LE knocking on my door, let alone the prospect of harsher penalties (though I know that is very rare). I suppose one just has to take a chance with something like this?
Another option I'd consider is going overseas to a country where it is much easier to acquire in person and then actually ctb in that country. It is difficult to do this given the current global situation but I am not in an immediate hurry. I suppose the difficulty there would be explaining your mystery vacation to people. I sometimes fantasise about using my life savings to book a week-long trip to Mexico or Peru, first class flight (always wanted to experience that!), 5 star hotel, living in luxury with the best food, massages, beaches, whatever for a week and then ... checking out permanently. It might be a nice way to go, having a little "celebration" beforehand. I dunno.
I don't think I'd consider any other method, as I want the most peaceful, painless, effective, and fast method. No other method seems to come close except for maybe Carbon Monoxide, which I did consider, but that seems way too difficult to execute properly.
Anyway, I guess what I was really hoping for was tips on acquiring N from A into a very strict country. But I suppose people are understandably not going to just offer up information publicly. So maybe if I post more, I can ask some members directly that I know have done it in my country and hope they will be kind enough to help. Thanks for reading, and thank you for all your discussion and valuable info I've read during all my lurking :)
Someone wrote on my profile but I don't know how to reply to that, so I'll hope they see it here. No, I am not from Singapore. I guess I've seen lots of people mention their countries so I guess it's ok.. I'm from Australia.
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