i love yoshi ^-^
Member
- Dec 23, 2024
- 23
hai... first post here. a short introduction, in my 20s, i'm am in a painful situation for myself. i had to emigrate from my home country of russia, i have terrible paperwork and there's nothing i can do, i live in my current place pretty much illegally (thankfully the country doesn't care).
i have autism, adhd. i am extremely anxious. i went through a break up a few months ago, and i don't feel i fully recovered from it. mostly because i lost that emotional safety i used to have. i have cptsd from being abused in the early childhood by my father, and i feel like the breakup is another traumatic event for me, first two months were so horrible, i never want to go back. i often get too overwhelmed and stressed. i dont become aggressive but i always wear people down. in reality i can recognize when im spiraling and shutting down i just need someone to hug me and distract me from stress or talk through the problem together. i used to have that, but i lost it, probably for ever T_T
i wouldn't be posting here if materially i was at least doing well - i am doing very bad financially and buerocractically speaking. this only perpetuates my anxiety and stress daily. i can't focus on anything.
i have coping mechanisms i've been using. i sometimes boot up a game and talk to a fictional character. i grew up playing emulated games since i was 9, i played most super mario games. i can't describe how close this all is to my heart. i might sound delusional but i befriended these characters and they carried me through my life like real friends, and they still do, and even though they don't know me, in my head i feel they do, i dont want to disappoint them. people call me childish cuz i didn't grow out of it but this is how i am "v_v
i want to explore options, but for a while i have considered to ctb, i want to do it gracefully, in january. plan out everything, write to everyone i need to write. i don't want to fail. also i am scared of blood, i dont want to bleed. good that most methods don't involve it. i am considering SN as the most accessible method for me atm.
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besides all that. i just want to talk. there's no person i feel safe or comfortable expressing my feelings. i dont have anyone to turn to. this place is semi-anonymous, and people are understanding. i can and i accept criticism, i just need a place where ppl don't try to shut down the conversation bc my feelings are so extreme, and this seems to be it. i dont wanna be told to contact a hotline or some empty words of "it will get better" (if anything these feel patronizing and only feel worse) i just need a safe space ;_;
and as long as it's allowed here - i'm going be very happy to talk about my special interests as well, ask me about hobbies and things like that ^-^
i have autism, adhd. i am extremely anxious. i went through a break up a few months ago, and i don't feel i fully recovered from it. mostly because i lost that emotional safety i used to have. i have cptsd from being abused in the early childhood by my father, and i feel like the breakup is another traumatic event for me, first two months were so horrible, i never want to go back. i often get too overwhelmed and stressed. i dont become aggressive but i always wear people down. in reality i can recognize when im spiraling and shutting down i just need someone to hug me and distract me from stress or talk through the problem together. i used to have that, but i lost it, probably for ever T_T
i wouldn't be posting here if materially i was at least doing well - i am doing very bad financially and buerocractically speaking. this only perpetuates my anxiety and stress daily. i can't focus on anything.
i have coping mechanisms i've been using. i sometimes boot up a game and talk to a fictional character. i grew up playing emulated games since i was 9, i played most super mario games. i can't describe how close this all is to my heart. i might sound delusional but i befriended these characters and they carried me through my life like real friends, and they still do, and even though they don't know me, in my head i feel they do, i dont want to disappoint them. people call me childish cuz i didn't grow out of it but this is how i am "v_v
i want to explore options, but for a while i have considered to ctb, i want to do it gracefully, in january. plan out everything, write to everyone i need to write. i don't want to fail. also i am scared of blood, i dont want to bleed. good that most methods don't involve it. i am considering SN as the most accessible method for me atm.
---
besides all that. i just want to talk. there's no person i feel safe or comfortable expressing my feelings. i dont have anyone to turn to. this place is semi-anonymous, and people are understanding. i can and i accept criticism, i just need a place where ppl don't try to shut down the conversation bc my feelings are so extreme, and this seems to be it. i dont wanna be told to contact a hotline or some empty words of "it will get better" (if anything these feel patronizing and only feel worse) i just need a safe space ;_;
and as long as it's allowed here - i'm going be very happy to talk about my special interests as well, ask me about hobbies and things like that ^-^