Pisceslilith
Student
- Aug 19, 2019
- 159
I wish I were never born, I dread being alive. I hate that I am forced to be here because someone made that decision for me. I wish babies had a preview of their lives and could have consent on wether they want to be born or not. I hate that we are forced to be here and are told to be "grateful" because not a lot of people have this opportunity, honestly who cares? Life isn't a gift, it's all meaningless, when you really think about it but no because humans are so fucking entitled and think they're so special and are better than anything in this world and are so obsessed with power, they're too fucking stupid to realize it. We're born into a group of people who are supposed to be your "family" and you have this belief instilled into you from a young age that no matter how shitty they treat you you must put up with it because they're "blood" and that you're supposed to hold them on pedestal from everyone else just because. Then you're forced to be a slave to society, listening to your parents orders, listening to elders orders, listening to this persons orders, basically there's always somebody giving you orders to follow and you just follow them, it's always about somebody else, everybody wants you to do everything for them, cater to their needs, they want you here for their personal gains. It's always about fucking somebody else. You must do this because they're your "parents", you must do this because they're your "siblings" , you must do this because they're your "elders" and so on and so on. But all of sudden when it's time to tend for yourself all of sudden you're wrong and "selfish". When you really think about it, is life really your own, because when you ask your parents why are you even here it's about their own gain, "I just felt like having kids", like that makes any fucking sense. Then everybody wants to control you, they want you to be their version of you, when you really think about it we're all just slaves, our lives are always about others even when It makes you uncomfortable and affects your mental health. To be honest life is so fucking stupid to me because you're forced to be here against your own will, stuck in uncomfortable and traumatic situations for no fucking reason then you have to clean it up all the bullshit by yourself which sometimes you didn't even cause , you have to follow non existent rules or there's consequences, then society, your family, friends, even strangers want you to be a certain way, they wanna control you. Like none of this matters, so why the fuck are we even here? These problems don't matter, people don't matter not even your own "family" matters cause none of this is going to matter when we die anyways, so what really is the point. And no I don't want to hear about "the highest good" or a certain type of God's plan or whatever fake positivity answer out there. I just don't really care anymore, I honestly don't want to be around others anymore, I definitely don't wanna be me anymore, I'm trying my best but I don't really care for life like that anymore, I don't wanna be there for others anymore, I don't wanna make others feel better, I don't wanna cater to anyone's needs, I just don't care about any of this. I dread being here, I don't wanna do it anymore, to me there's no point. All my life I felt like I lived my life for others, others could treat me like whatever but it was always up to me to just push my feelings aside and just shut up,comply and put up with it, do as I'm told, even if it makes me suicidal and flares up my mental health problems, do what others want me to do, act like how others want me to act, it's always everyone's feelings and opinions over mine and whenever I fought back I was always wrong, I don't wanna please others anymore. I always feel like I'm wrong, sometimes I wonder if this is all caused by me, No matter what I do I always feel like I'm in the wrong, when I do what others want me to do I feel wrong and feel like I'm just people pleasing because I always have to put others feelings over mine even if it makes me uncomfortable and suicidal, and if I don't comply I feel like I'm still doing the wrong thing then I feel bad, I can never win, I'm not happy here, I'm not happy living, but if I were to kill myself, once again I would be in the "wrong" cause I must live for others and then once again it's always about somebody else. If you look like things in a "negative light" you're always told that there's something in you that has to change, that everybody else is always in the right and you're always in the wrong, that you're the problem, that you have to "change". I don't feel like I'm living for myself, I feel like I'm living for others and I hate that, it's always about someone else, no one gets it even if you try to explain a million times, people only understand when they really wanna understand, there's always a justification for someone's behavior but you just have to put up with it and get over it just because and if you don't you're bad person, there's always forced forgiveness, forced compassion, everything is forced. I wish I could wake up one day and all of my problems resolved all on their own. But hey suicide is always plan B.
