Help My father's abuse has gotten too much

[Moonshinee]

Me and my siblings, I fear for them. What a terrible man has become our father. What to do? I may leave but I cannot leave them here. Even my mother. I resent her for how she never takes action whenever my father unleashes his anger on us, yet she is still nonetheless a victim too. What do I do? I have felt the only choice is to kill him.., but I do not have the resolve. And I worry too much for my future, I cannot do well in university if I kill a man. I want to punch him with every word that comes out of his mouth. I cannot stand this anymore. Please, what do I do? I'm only 18, not much of an adult except on papers. My heart aches at this and it worries me so much. I can kill me, I can kill him, but for my mother and siblings? I despise him and this.

 

[ChronicallyCynical]

Sometimes I think people should be legally obligated to undertake psychiatric evaluation and parenting courses before having children. Surely there has to be some way of preventing shitty circumstances like this from happening.

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As for you, I wouldn't recommend ruining what remains of your life by killing him. I don't think anyone should have the right to resent you if you leave the house, maybe report your father for abuse, and possibly adopt your siblings out once you're able to if they're not already independent by then. Screw your father, I hope you get into university and I hope that the rest of your family will get taken from him as soon as possible.

It sucks that your mother couldn't be more proactive against him, but it can be difficult for victims of abuse to escape or fight back. Though it is incredibly unfair that you and your siblings were also dragged into such a horrible environment.

 

[OrphicEnd]

I also experienced a similar situation with two in my family. Everything worked out when everyone went to their own corners, the two angry had to be careful to be nice if they didn't want to end up completely alone. Like you, I really wanted to teach them a lesson, even worse than death, I grew up, and life took care of calming them down. I don't care about them anymore, although I still have a lot of resentment that I learned to hide.
However, even when we get rid of one person, we often come across another.
If you have the chance, don't stay in the same room, usually everything is an excuse to get angry, but if there's no one to be around, he's not going to do much.
If he hits your mom, you can call the police saying you're a neighbor who hears domestic violence.
If your whole family agrees to get rid of him, you can also try to inflict bruises on yourself or make him go wild on you and report him. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.
However, if your family is partly dependent on his salary, there is nothing you can do. Many find themselves in this situation, and unfortunately, unless you obtain subsidies to become independent, it's very complicated.
I know what a painful situation this is and how nice the idea of getting revenge is. But doing so will condemn you. Life is long enough that one day he will end up asking for help, and you will have the pleasure of making him suffer at that moment. In the meantime, you can use your hatred to move forward and become stronger, that's how I grew up.

 

[pinemarten]

If you're not already then you might consider speaking to your university's counselling services. Universities have a surprising amount of resources at their disposal (besides counselling) for their students and you shouldn't feel bad or hesitant about using them. Even if it only amounts to you getting certain leeway given your circumstances, it could still make the difference if you're having a hard time making it through your degree with all this weighing on top of you.

If you can make it through university and get a place of your own, that could be one way to help your siblings. I've known a few people who have moved out and then later had their younger sibling(s) move in with them. Then the younger ones have a stable environment to start building their own futures. But sometimes you've got to apply your own oxygen mask first before you can help others, y'know?

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

get evidence then call the authorities