Venting My family won't ever get me properly diagnosed.

[imonadeadline]

My family will never pay for the medical bills that it will take to get me clinically diagnosed with depression. I don't want to self diagnose, but it's no question that I have it. I have active suicidal ideation, I've practiced hanging myself multiple times since the age of 11, I've been reckless with my own safety, and I simply cannot find a glimmer of hope that I will even make it to my target deadline.

I think that it's worth noting that that they ignored my first cries of help when I was beginning to go deaf on my right ear. They ignored it and scolded me for my "excessive" use of earphones, even when I explained that it was mainly caused by my rhinitis. I slowly, agonizingly, went deaf and they were all dumbfounded when the doctors properly diagnosed me with a rare type of ear infection. They didn't care until it was too late, and it'll be the same this time around.

I don't think that I'll ever get properly treated by a doctor, so CTB is my only way out. I still find joy in life, maybe that's just my SI talking. But for the most part, I really don't see myself happy when I reach my target age.

 

[sunny]

honestly, i relate to you. my mother is notorious for ignoring me and my cries for help. it's like she thinks that ignoring something will make it go away.
she ignored me when I was younger and in a really bad spot when i was actively asking for help, causing me to suffer in silence till this day.

i have a similar experience with physical health problems where my mom was surprised i was diagnosed with asthma after 3 months straight of coughing- when she finally brought me to the doctor they were shocked that it took so long for me to come in.

sorry about your family. you are worthy of a proper diagnosis and attention regarding your mental health.

best wishes <3

 

[AnonGermany]

I wish i could just grab you and take you to germany. Reading things like this makes me sick. Having to pay for diagnosis and getting help. I can't believe that's one of the first things people have to worry about in some countries out there.

 

[imonadeadline]

honestly, i relate to you. my mother is notorious for ignoring me and my cries for help. it's like she thinks that ignoring something will make it go away.

sorry about your family. you are worthy of a proper diagnosis and attention regarding your mental health.

best wishes <3

I don't know why I teared up over this, perhaps I just feel validated. I don't think that I'll be asking them for help about this matter, I'll just save up and go to the university that offers consultation for a pretty low price. It's gonna take a while, but its better than asking for help from them.

I wish i could just grab you and take you to germany. Reading things like this makes me sick. Having to pay for diagnosis and getting help. I can't believe that's one of the first things people have to worry about in some countries out there.

It's really bad out here. Things are progressing, but not fast enough. I don't think I'll be alive when my country finally crawls its way out of debt. Thank you for your concern, it means a lot. ♥

 

[TheShyOne]

I wish i could just grab you and take you to germany. Reading things like this makes me sick. Having to pay for diagnosis and getting help. I can't believe that's one of the first things people have to worry about in some countries out there.

God bless Europe

 

[sunny]

I don't know why I teared up over this, perhaps I just feel validated. I don't think that I'll be asking them for help about this matter, I'll just save up and go to the university that offers consultation for a pretty low price. It's gonna take a while, but its better than asking for help from them.

I'm with you on that. if i ever do decide to get consultation I'm not getting my family involved by any means, since they never wanted to help in the first place. Just because the people around you don't care doesn't mean you are underserving of caring for yourself. I'm glad you have a plan for yourself and I hope it works out, and that you will be treated with patience and understanding. perhaps things will start looking up for you after you enroll, and that you will live in the life you deserve with a better understanding of yourself. :-)