Help My family is throwing a birthday party for me after my psychiatric ward visit, and I have mixed feelings.

[Anxieyote]

A couple of weeks ago, my Dad told me that he was planning a birthday party for me, along with my grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt, and sister. I said, "sure that sounds fine" but I also know what this is really about.

I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward towards the end of August after drinking too much and threatening to kill myself. Alarm bells were raised again (I went to the psychiatric ward for the first time last year), and my extended family has been having hushed conversations about me since then. I have noticed my aunt and grandma texting me more frequently leading up to the event too, with texts sprinkled with copius and emojis.

It all sounds great on paper. I get admitted to the psych ward, and they shower me with love to show that they are here for me—an ideal response by any metric. So why do I feel so ambivalent about it?

The party is tomorrow, and Dad is planning to pick me up in his vehicle and drive an hour to Grandma's house, where I will spend the day and spend the night; neither of which I want to do. It all feels like a thinly-veiled facade. Why have none of them had an actual conversation with me about how I am feeling? I know the birthday celebration is supposed to function as a "rug sweep"; to shower me with their version of love (cakes, pies, birthday cards, etc.) send me on my way, and cross their fingers that it will be enough to restore my will to live.

It is all a song and dance to me, and I feel patronized by it more than anything. They don't normally make a big deal out of my birthday, so the contrast here is stark. They may not have been trying to make me feel bad, but the event is going to have the opposite effect of what they are intending. I will be forcing a smile and easygoing attitude to make them feel like what they are doing is helping me, and that I am so touched by their love and support. But on the inside, I will be struggling to hold back the tears, being reminded once again that my family aren't helping me in the way that I need to be helped.

Beggars can't be choosers, and I have been told to accept their support in any form that it comes. But to put it simply; if this party is going to make me feel uncomfortable, anxious, and sad—why should I go? Do I owe my family members a chance to clear their conscious and feel like they have done something to help; even if it hasn't?

What should I do? Should I force myself to go like I usually do when it comes to family events, or should I listen to my feelings?

 

[makethepainstop]

A couple of weeks ago, my Dad told me that he was planning a birthday party for me, along with my grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt, and sister. I said, "sure that sounds fine" but I also know what this is really about.

I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward towards the end of August after drinking too much and threatening to kill myself. Alarm bells were raised again (I went to the psychiatric ward for the first time last year), and my extended family has been having hushed conversations about me since then. I have noticed my aunt and grandma texting me more frequently leading up to the event too, with texts sprinkled with copius and emojis.

It all sounds great on paper. I get admitted to the psych ward, and they shower me with love to show that they are here for me—an ideal response by any metric. So why do I feel so ambivalent about it?

The party is tomorrow, and Dad is planning to pick me up in his vehicle and drive an hour to Grandma's house, where I will spend the day and spend the night; neither of which I want to do. It all feels like a thinly-veiled facade. Why have none of them had an actual conversation with me about how I am feeling? I know the birthday celebration is supposed to function as a "rug sweep"; to shower me with their version of love (cakes, pies, birthday cards, etc.) send me on my way, and cross their fingers that it will be enough to restore my will to live.

It is all a song and dance to me, and I feel patronized by it more than anything. They don't normally make a big deal out of my birthday, so the contrast here is stark. They may not have been trying to make me feel bad, but the event is going to have the opposite effect of what they are intending. I will be forcing a smile and easygoing attitude to make them feel like what they are doing is helping me, and that I am so touched by their love and support. But on the inside, I will be struggling to hold back the tears, being reminded once again that my family aren't helping me in the way that I need to be helped.

Beggars can't be choosers, and I have been told to accept their support in any form that it comes. But to put it simply; if this party is going to make me feel uncomfortable, anxious, and sad—why should I go? Do I owe my family members a chance to clear their conscious and feel like they have done something to help; even if it hasn't?

What should I do? Should I force myself to go like I usually do when it comes to family events, or should I listen to my feelings? They are trying to let you know that they love you so much. They are expressing joy that your still alive. What harm can it do you, to let them have their birthday party for you? Id love to have people like this in my life. Love to you.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

What should I do? Should I force myself to go like I usually do when it comes to family events, or should I listen to my feelings?

If I was in your situation, I would just go. It is a little late to cancel now, and alarm bells will go off if you do. Canceling on such short notice could also make family members irritated with you.
I know you're dreading it, but perhaps it will be better once you are actually there.

Why have none of them had an actual conversation with me about how I am feeling?

Probably because they are worried the conversation would turn out poorly. Also, there may not be much to say (at least that is how it is with my family).
They probably hope that improving your social bonds (through this party but also more regular contact) will have a downstream effect of greater life satisfaction for you.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Sometimes we have to give in order to get. And even though they're giving you a party, it probably feels like you're the one giving because you're not into it.

Maybe it's just their way of showing love, even if it's a bit clueless. But how could we expect others to really "get" how we're feeling? I wouldn't see it as sweeping anything under the rug. They are likely a bit scared for you and want to remind you they care for you, even if it's misguided. Having support is a good thing. And by accepting their party, you're keeping the door open to maintaining relationships with them all. And these relationships could be crucial for future survival if nothing else.

I know this is probably super normie advice, but my gut feeling is to suck it up and make like you're okay. It's only a few hours really. I would just grin and bear it. And happy birthday! Here are your favorite emojis:

 

[Venus13]

I would imagine the facade is going to be challenging to face.

Here's what I would do, and I'm not sure if it'll go well or not but this is what I would do at this point. Out of the group of loved ones I would pick the one you trust the most. Give them a call or send a text and tell the truth. Tell them you're apprehensive about the party and why. Open up the line of communication with someone.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

It is understandable that you are not exactly excited for this party. You have serious issues, that doesn't exactly put one into a partying mood. You're probably depressed, and this attempt to cheer you up might not work for you.
I'm not sure how close you are with your family - especially the extended family. I don't know if you're relationship has the level of trust required to speak about difficult feelings openly. Looks like this might not be the case, and that's why nobody felt able to have an honest conversation with you about this party.
But the thing is, if you want to keep a decent relationship with your family, you kind of have to at least show up. This might not be what you want to hear, but that's how it is if we're being honest. Your family might be clueless and confused when it comes to finding the right ways to show you they care, but looks like they are trying their best. You don't owe them anything, but just not showing up will send a clear message that you don't want to keep the connection with them. I don't think that's what you want. If you want to have a relationship with someone an have them in your life, you've got to give them a chance. You don't have to pretend that this party magically made everything better, but you kind of have to at least show up.
This event is organized specifically to make you feel better. If you come and feel really bad, you can just reach out to whoever you feel most comfortable talking to and tell them "hey, I appreciate the effort but I am really not feeling it. Can we wrap it up?" - or ask for anything else that, in your opinion, can make it better.
Sorry things are tough on you. Hope in practice it's not all bad. I've been to social events that I absolutely dreaded that turned out not that bad, maybe it can work out this way for you too.

 

[CTB Dream]

Not know detail family how , think if good people little harm can go try , simetime need tactic advantage, know how feel hard see struggle pain mental problem all other no see, think more advantage go make feel ok not suspic ctb then option open