My family is so clueless, it's pathetic

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

After I got home on Christmas Day, my father sent me a text message saying that he and my stepmother had noticed I looked like I had lost weight and that I was "looking good." I rolled my eyes and ignored it, but then when he called me yesterday about something else, he mentioned it again. I told him that I wasn't intentionally losing weight and that if I had, it was due to stress. So he recommended that I step on a scale to confirm lol. Not once did it occur to him to ask, "What can I do to help?" Or even "What's wrong/Are you okay?"

2023 has been the worst year of my life and I told my family earlier this year that I had been planning to kill myself on my birthday. Despite this, no one since has asked me directly whether I still have an active plan to kill myself. Weight loss/gain, sleep changes, and isolation are all obvious signs of suicidal intent and they just...don't connect the dots. It's kind of funny? Like sure, I could go out of my way to warn you again, but why is the onus on me? If you're that oblivious, maybe you deserve to be shocked, idk.

It just makes me angry to think of people at my funeral wailing about, "There were no signs! Why didn't she ask for help?!" They don't deserve hand holding but I also don't want them to have any plausible deniability when the inevitable happens.

 

[dinosavr]

I'm sorry they ignore you like that. I hope one day people finally realize that suicide shouldn't be taboo.
I guess no one is asking us any questions because they don't really want to know the answer, and take any responsibility.
A part of me understands it, the other part, like you, just waits for them to say "ohh why did it happen, we had no idea"

 

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

I guess no one is asking us any questions because they don't really want to know the answer, and take any responsibility.

I really think this is it: If they ignore it, maybe I'll figure it out on my own and they won't have to deal with inconvenient emotions.

That's so counterproductive though. I mean sure, up till now it has generally been the case that I can power through it, but when the stakes are this high and you know for a fact that you'll feel guilty afterward, why wouldn't you want to have the peace of knowing you did everything you could? They're the ones who will have to live with themselves, not me.

 

[dinosavr]

I really think this is it: If they ignore it, maybe I'll figure it out on my own and they won't have to deal with inconvenient emotions.

That's so counterproductive though. I mean sure, up till now it has generally been the case that I can power through it, but when the stakes are this high and you know for a fact that you'll feel guilty afterward, why wouldn't you want to have the peace of knowing you did everything you could? They're the ones who will have to live with themselves, not me.

Maybe the thing is they don't think we're actually capable of doing it.
I don't know about you but I was a straight A student, always on time, always nice to others yada yada yada, who would suspect me to have such dark thoughts for real?

 

[deadbysarcasm]

This has been one of the biggest headspins of the downwards spiral for me. I've learned things about connection I wish I hadn't.

People saying you seem better when you've essentially accepted death, and thinking you were worse at a time when you were fine.

 

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

Maybe the thing is they don't think we're actually capable of doing it.
I don't know about you but I was a straight A student, always on time, always nice to others yada yada yada, who would suspect me to have such dark thoughts for real?

Hmm, that's a thought. Like I make a lot of suicide jokes and always have. I guess it makes sense for them to feel like it's a "boy cries wolf" situation since I've never attempted before, but I have SN in my go bag and I'm actively trying to manipulate my doctors into prescribing Metoclopramide. It's very unfortunate that I can't be more specific about how I feel because I'll either get accused of manipulating my family too or they'll call the cops.

This has been one of the biggest headspins of the downwards spiral for me. I've learned things about connection I wish I hadn't.

People saying you seem better when you've essentially accepted death, and thinking you were worse at a time when you were fine.

Absolutely. When my depression is really bad I tend to go mute and stop eating, but that usually only lasts a few days because I get bored lol. So I'll start eating and talking like normal and they'll think, "Oh, she's better" when really I've just decided it's not worth the effort of performing depression in a way that makes sense to them. When I'm "better," that means I'm much more committed to not getting caught.

I really wish I could attend my own funeral because cognitive dissonance is fascinating to me and I would love to see what nonsense comes out of these people's mouths.

 

[UKscotty]

Sadly there is just not much anyone can do. Cries for help don't go unanswered as people assume, it's just no one can do anything really.

Medical will try to pump us with pills but they rarely work.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

After I got home on Christmas Day, my father sent me a text message saying that he and my stepmother had noticed I looked like I had lost weight and that I was "looking good." I rolled my eyes and ignored it, but then when he called me yesterday about something else, he mentioned it again. I told him that I wasn't intentionally losing weight and that if I had, it was due to stress. So he recommended that I step on a scale to confirm lol. Not once did it occur to him to ask, "What can I do to help?" Or even "What's wrong/Are you okay?"

2023 has been the worst year of my life and I told my family earlier this year that I had been planning to kill myself on my birthday. Despite this, no one since has asked me directly whether I still have an active plan to kill myself. Weight loss/gain, sleep changes, and isolation are all obvious signs of suicidal intent and they just...don't connect the dots. It's kind of funny? Like sure, I could go out of my way to warn you again, but why is the onus on me? If you're that oblivious, maybe you deserve to be shocked, idk.

It just makes me angry to think of people at my funeral wailing about, "There were no signs! Why didn't she ask for help?!" They don't deserve hand holding but I also don't want them to have any plausible deniability when the inevitable happens.

Yeah I feel this so much, I've actively said to both my parents at some point or other I'm going to kill myself and they just brush it off like it's no big deal. When I die they're definitely not going to blame themselves and blame me for not telling them but what can I do when I gave so many signs and they don't even see the signs? It wasn't even signs half the time, I had "attempts" (that weren't super serious but still the motive was still there which should have been worrying enough), actively said I would end it, plus a shit tonne of self harm. All of it ignored or just brushed off. I've come to the conclusion nobody will take it seriously until it's too late and even then they'll probably find a way to have deniability like you said. I'm sorry you're suffering and that your family is so shitty about it.

 

[losing hope]

Totally relate to OP & this whole subject. Have even seen my mother cry her eyes out over my dead sisters body at the hospital saying "I'm sorry...why didn't you tell us..." 10 odd years ago. But today, she never takes my suicidal thoughts seriously, even though that aforementioned sister killed herself.

I believe they do it for the attention & sympathy vote. Basically it's an easy way to win love from outsiders of the family at the funeral. As well as deflect blame from themselves. I think they also brainwash themselves into believing their own BS. If there is a god & judgement day, hope he would bring justice to these (evil) people.