itsbigbraintime
SN Wizard
- Feb 14, 2020
- 75
Hey, all. So I get a lot of questions about my recent attempt, so I figured I'd just make a post explaining how it all went down, and try to provide any information I can that I think would be helpful to others that plan on doing something similar. So we'll start from the beginning on Sept 19th. I woke up feeling pretty shitty, and considered calling out of work but I didn't. So once I got to work, as you'd expect, things got worse and worse, and I ended up leaving about 45 minutes into my shift.
I went home and almost immediately walked up to my room, grabbed a water bottle, and the SN. Poured out most of the water into the sink, and eyeballed about three tablespoons of SN, and then mixed them up. I took about four Tums tablets, and two Advils. I waited about twenty minutes, and in the meantime I was talking to my friend on snapchat. She knew what the deal was, and what I was thinking about doing. We continued our conversation for a while longer, and I told her I needed some time to think. I went out to my car, with the bottle of SN, and sat there for a while, just listening to music. After about ten minutes, I ended up taking a sip of it. And then I thought to myself "Well, I already took a sip, I may as well just do it.", and then drank most of the rest.
It took a few minutes to kick in but when it did, it hit fast. My heart was pounding through my chest, I was breathing kinda fast, and I remember seeing little flickers in my vision. I was basically half conscious at that point. Not to be morbid or anything but at this point, I remember thinking "This is it, I'm finally done." and it was the most relieved and at peace I'd been in a very long time. My friend had gotten kinda worried and decided to drive over, so when she got there twenty minutes later, she ended up driving me to the hospital.
Once I got to the hospital, I was admitted to the ER. By this point, I was totally out of it, drifting in and out of consciousness, my skin was gray and blue, insane heart rate. They put in an IV, put me on oxygen, and I think started giving me saline. They asked me what I took and I told them about the SN. So they took me off the oxygen, because it was doing nothing, and then a little while later, they came back with the methylene blue. (Sidenote: when they inject that stuff in your arm, it fucking hurts.) After about fifteen to twenty minutes, the methemoglobin levels dropped significantly, and my color was beginning to come back a tiny bit. It didn't turn me blue, to my disappointment, I was looking forward to that. It did however make my piss blue for about four days.
Past that point, it gets kind of boring, I guess I was stable enough to leave the ER, but they took me to the ICU to monitor me until the next day. While I was there however, I had people question me on where I got the idea to use SN, and I told them I just googled ways to commit suicide and SN seemed like a nice way to do it. They wanted me to give them specific site names but I told them I didn't really remember them. They moved me to yet another room out of the ICU, and had me talk with a psychiatrist who told me that I needed to go to the psych ward. I told him I didn't want to but he told me if I didn't go voluntarily, they'd just contact the courts and make me go anyway. So yeah. I waited an additional two days to be transferred to the psych ward. They moved me over there in a weewoo wagon.(ambulance). I stayed for a week or so, doing group therapy every day, eating shitty food, and destroying people at blackjack.
Now I'm back home, my family knows about my attempt, and my roommate is keeping a close watch on me. They also took my bullets for my guns, and the SN. However, I still have more, they just didn't find it. I am also on medication now, but I still think about attempting again so....
yeah. if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
I went home and almost immediately walked up to my room, grabbed a water bottle, and the SN. Poured out most of the water into the sink, and eyeballed about three tablespoons of SN, and then mixed them up. I took about four Tums tablets, and two Advils. I waited about twenty minutes, and in the meantime I was talking to my friend on snapchat. She knew what the deal was, and what I was thinking about doing. We continued our conversation for a while longer, and I told her I needed some time to think. I went out to my car, with the bottle of SN, and sat there for a while, just listening to music. After about ten minutes, I ended up taking a sip of it. And then I thought to myself "Well, I already took a sip, I may as well just do it.", and then drank most of the rest.
It took a few minutes to kick in but when it did, it hit fast. My heart was pounding through my chest, I was breathing kinda fast, and I remember seeing little flickers in my vision. I was basically half conscious at that point. Not to be morbid or anything but at this point, I remember thinking "This is it, I'm finally done." and it was the most relieved and at peace I'd been in a very long time. My friend had gotten kinda worried and decided to drive over, so when she got there twenty minutes later, she ended up driving me to the hospital.
Once I got to the hospital, I was admitted to the ER. By this point, I was totally out of it, drifting in and out of consciousness, my skin was gray and blue, insane heart rate. They put in an IV, put me on oxygen, and I think started giving me saline. They asked me what I took and I told them about the SN. So they took me off the oxygen, because it was doing nothing, and then a little while later, they came back with the methylene blue. (Sidenote: when they inject that stuff in your arm, it fucking hurts.) After about fifteen to twenty minutes, the methemoglobin levels dropped significantly, and my color was beginning to come back a tiny bit. It didn't turn me blue, to my disappointment, I was looking forward to that. It did however make my piss blue for about four days.
Past that point, it gets kind of boring, I guess I was stable enough to leave the ER, but they took me to the ICU to monitor me until the next day. While I was there however, I had people question me on where I got the idea to use SN, and I told them I just googled ways to commit suicide and SN seemed like a nice way to do it. They wanted me to give them specific site names but I told them I didn't really remember them. They moved me to yet another room out of the ICU, and had me talk with a psychiatrist who told me that I needed to go to the psych ward. I told him I didn't want to but he told me if I didn't go voluntarily, they'd just contact the courts and make me go anyway. So yeah. I waited an additional two days to be transferred to the psych ward. They moved me over there in a weewoo wagon.(ambulance). I stayed for a week or so, doing group therapy every day, eating shitty food, and destroying people at blackjack.
Now I'm back home, my family knows about my attempt, and my roommate is keeping a close watch on me. They also took my bullets for my guns, and the SN. However, I still have more, they just didn't find it. I am also on medication now, but I still think about attempting again so....
yeah. if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
