OICU812
Member
- Aug 31, 2023
- 34
This happened a couple of years ago. I researched and planned for 2-3 months. I read the Peaceful Pill Handbook for some CTB ideas. I didn't want to have a messy CTB, so firearms were out. I couldn't see myself eating 9-12 tubes of toothpaste as a poison. I thought about going to Mexico to get Nembutal but I ran out of time (and money). I remember coming across this story of a guy robbing / killing people by putting a cable tie around their neck and pulling tight, so that was my cost effective option. I went to Home Depot and bought some black three feet heavy duty cable ties. I dropped my suicide notes Friday afternoon in a blue mailbox to hold myself accountable, as in no turning back. I checked into a hotel on Friday night and threw myself a farewell party for one. I took five 10mg THC edibles (marijuana - Green Hornets from Colorado) and drank 1/2 bottle of rum. Needless to say, I passed out after midnight. I woke up around 10AM Saturday morning, and I started prepping for my CTB. I took a shower, took the remaining five 10mg THC edibles, and started drinking the rest of the rum with rum and cokes. After one hour when I was sufficiently high and drunk, I put the cable tie around my neck and pulled tight. I was supposed to pass out after two minutes, so I went to the bed and laid down. It was very hard to breathe, but I still managed. I think I passed out for a little bit, but I'm not sure of the time. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. I woke up later and as I was heading towards the bathroom, I puked on the carpet. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and my face and head were blood red, and my neck was very swollen. I put one more cable tie on my neck and pulled tight, so now I have two of them on my neck. I stumble back to the bed and lay down again, drifting in and out of sleep. At one point I thought I head a knock on the door, but I ignored it. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I missed my check-out time and the cleaning crew checked up on me, found me in my condition, and called the Police. The next thing I remember is being awaken by Police and Firemen. They cut my cable ties off and took me by ambulance to the Emergency Room. I spent two nights in the hospital with a $50,000 bill. Luckily I didn't have to pay it since I was broke. Then I spent a month in a psych ward and they prescribed me Citalopram (antidepressant). My neck had severe rope burns on it and I lost feeling in part of my neck. My eyeballs were completely solid red for a while, like literally every part of the eyeball was red. Eventually I healed, but you can still see the marks on my neck - great conversation starter piece, right? After a year I stopped taking the antidepressant pills since they didn't do anything. Right now I guess I'm glad I survived (or delayed the inevitable), but CTB is still on my mind. Maybe not active CTB, but passive CTB, like die in a car crash, get hit by a car while running, run towards an active shooter, etc...
