My failed attempt

[mike20]

I tried full suspension about 4 and a half years ago. At the time I worried about not losing my consciousness right away, so I prepared scissors for worst.

I stepped my foot into the air and my visions got darker. But my survivor instinct kicked in and I grabbed the rope and put my foot on chair and cut the rope. Bringing scissors was bad decision. I could die 4 years ago and be happy...

This time I'm gonna make it. Outside situation gives me no choice but it's now or later. Have a nice meal, watch good shows, listening to favorite music and done..

It'll be 1 am when I ctb. It's dark. You bareley sew anything... Hope I can do it at daytime. but then people can see me and call the ambulance. Finding good place at city is hard.

I have less than 5 days left.

 

[lymbo]

what Outside situation ?

 

[mike20]

what Outside situation ?

Joining military at early December.
It's mandatiry where I live.

 

[lymbo]

that sucks ass, where u from?

 

[mike20]

that sucks ass, where u from?

South Korea

 

[lymbo]

South Korea

south korea has a byg problem wyth suysydes ryght?

 

[jgm63]

Joining military at early December.
It's mandatiry where I live.

Are you sure you couldn't go ahead and join the military ?
Perhaps it might not be as bad as you are thinking it will be ?

 

[SadandKindaWannaend]

안녕 친구, 난 그렇게 잘하지 못해서 번역기를 써야겠어. 미안해 계속하기 힘들지만 삶은 나아질 것이다.
"해가 뜨기 전 새벽이
가장 어두우니까
먼 훗날에 넌 지금의
널 절대로 잊지 마
지금 니가 어디 서 있든
잠시 쉬어가는 것일 뿐
포기하지 마 알잖아"

화이팅

 

[Its time its time]

I did 2.5 years of mandatory service. Ain't that bad.
Give it a chance..

 

[mike20]

I'm pretty sure I'll be just training in the military and not killing anyone.. But I have to spend 1.5 years with strangers. Joining the military isn't main reason to ctb. I've been akward with people since i was born. Don't know how to talk to people, what to say. Right now I don't have any freiends. I don't mean not having close friends. Literally not even one person. Loneliess and despair is hunting me whole life. Military have me face the truth and It's time to move on.

 

[Its time its time]

Instead of looking at it in a negative light - think of it differently. It's a brand new start for you with no pre-judgement.
Everybody will start at the same level - same rank, same situation(no prior friendships, ect)

Worst come to worst - just follow orders. It's an idiot proof place. I picked up a lot of life skills and friends while serving my time. Went through tough times and it's the bond that got us through together. You'll make friends in army I'm sure - because everybody will be going through the same shit.

My point is don't give up even before having tried it.

 

[hatelife]

I'm pretty sure I'll be just training in the military and not killing anyone.. But I have to spend 1.5 years with strangers. Joining the military isn't main reason to ctb. I've been akward with people since i was born. Don't know how to talk to people, what to say. Right now I don't have any freiends. I don't mean not having close friends. Literally not even one person. Loneliess and despair is hunting me whole life. Military have me face the truth and It's time to move on.

I dont even have friends, not anybody, only my mom and dad would call me to check on me if I die, not anybody else, sad we cant be friends, I would be your friend, I like south korea nice country and smart educated ppl

 

[jgm63]

Well you could PM me if you wanted to talk....
Or maybe someone from South Korea can PM with you - anyone ?

 

[Abood95]

I'm pretty sure I'll be just training in the military and not killing anyone.. But I have to spend 1.5 years with strangers. Joining the military isn't main reason to ctb. I've been akward with people since i was born. Don't know how to talk to people, what to say. Right now I don't have any freiends. I don't mean not having close friends. Literally not even one person. Loneliess and despair is hunting me whole life. Military have me face the truth and It's time to move on.

It's insanely painful and deteriorating. I'm 24 and I can't imagine myself living another 50-60 years with this horrible isolation.

 

[mike20]

I dont even have friends, not anybody, only my mom and dad would call me to check on me if I die, not anybody else, sad we cant be friends, I would be your friend, I like south korea nice country and smart educated ppl

Same.. My dad, mom, brother. There the only ones cry for me.

 

[jgm63]

Same.. My dad, mom, brother. There the only ones cry for me.

But that's okay for a start. You don't need that many people in life....
Quality is more important than quantity.
Maybe you will meet some good people when the time is right.
I can recommend to you the spiritual teacher, Barry Long (look on youtube).
If you learn to love God, then you can connect with the power inside of yourself, and that power might improve your life in many ways....