Venting my existence is pathetic

[carnivalforone]

i turned 19 a few days ago and I'm just pathetic. I have no goals, im not in college, im not attractive, im not interesting, i was given everything bad in every facet and i dont know what to do. Because of my parents, i moved to high schools when covid hit and so i lost virtually all of my friends, the few "friends" i do have don't genuinely care about me and its apparent but i guess I don't blame them. i have social anxiety, i self-harm to destress, i barely have a car , i get bullied at work making me want to quit every day and i cant afford to because no other job will pay me as much with the lack of experience i have. i have no one to come home to, i have nothing on my phone, i have nothing at all. i want to die but i don't know how, everything is scary, i was so set on the night method until i looked into the high risk of brain damage, i wanted it to be peaceful and painless but i guess thats not an option anymore. i can't keep going, the job search is shit, the lack of anything is shit, i failed at absolutely everything. i wish something would just happen. everything i do gets fucked. i cant do anything.

 

[Neogoloid]

Fuck man, I'm 19 too and basically in the same shoes as you with some slight differences. Also is the night night method partial hanging?

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

My situation is a little different but I'm sure we are feeling the same. I'm sorry. Life sucks

 

[vuberpoot1]

I can relate to that a lot more than I'd like to admit. But you're not pathetic, friend. We're all struggling here, and your struggles are just as valid and legitimate as everyone else's. Even more so, it sounds like you've been dealt a real tough lot in life. I'm also at that point where I feel like all I do is fail, and now I have absolutely nothing- no one to talk to, no ambitions to strive for, no places to go. It isn't great. I feel like a plague that everyone wants to avoid, nothing but a drain on the people around me. And every time I try to achieve something, I only end up failing, falling short, being rejected, and so on. It's rough to be constantly battered down like that.

We're here for you, friend. If there's nothing else you can get from this forum, I hope the feeling of community can help lift you up a little. I wish you the best, and stay safe.

 

[neverknowsbest0]

Feel for you bro. I'm sorry

 

[KenniferJames]

When I was 19 life was much the same for me, but you seem like much more of a realist who has a grasp on how they feel and realize that it blows. For what it's worth, it is valuable to not be in denial. That's how you end up spending your whole twenties stagnant and miserable.

 

[mia_qwerty]

Thanks for sharing. I hear you that it's all hard. I hope you can hang in there. Know that so many people struggle at that age with so many things. 19 is so young with much potential ahead.

 

[donewithlife1]

i turned 19 a few days ago and I'm just pathetic. I have no goals, im not in college, im not attractive, im not interesting, i was given everything bad in every facet and i dont know what to do. Because of my parents, i moved to high schools when covid hit and so i lost virtually all of my friends, the few "friends" i do have don't genuinely care about me and its apparent but i guess I don't blame them. i have social anxiety, i self-harm to destress, i barely have a car , i get bullied at work making me want to quit every day and i cant afford to because no other job will pay me as much with the lack of experience i have. i have no one to come home to, i have nothing on my phone, i have nothing at all. i want to die but i don't know how, everything is scary, i was so set on the night method until i looked into the high risk of brain damage, i wanted it to be peaceful and painless but i guess thats not an option anymore. i can't keep going, the job search is shit, the lack of anything is shit, i failed at absolutely everything. i wish something would just happen. everything i do gets fucked. i cant do anything.

I'm sorry that you feel that way but YOU are not pathetic. We live in a difficult time look what happened to use with Covid lock down masks weird things we never thought we will do example I never thought that I will ever wear a mask all day long at work but we did even if I was out of breaths looks the Middle East and Gaza all the innocents getting killed look at the weather tornadoes and hurricanes all over the US.. stresses are impossible to comprehend life is very tuff and nasty.. I don't know about your social life but maybe you have positives you don't see try to search for positives. Suicide is not easy but it could be a relief if the pain is chronic.. take your time and look for the lights. Good luck

 

[carnivalforone]

Thanks for sharing. I hear you that it's all hard. I hope you can hang in there. Know that so many people struggle at that age with so many things. 19 is so young with much potential ahead.

i hope man thanks for the kind words

I'm sorry that you feel that way but YOU are not pathetic. We live in a difficult time look what happened to use with Covid lock down masks weird things we never thought we will do example I never thought that I will ever wear a mask all day long at work but we did even if I was out of breaths looks the Middle East and Gaza all the innocents getting killed look at the weather tornadoes and hurricanes all over the US.. stresses are impossible to comprehend life is very tuff and nasty.. I don't know about your social life but maybe you have positives you don't see try to search for positives. Suicide is not easy but it could be a relief if the pain is chronic.. take your time and look for the lights. Good luck

thanks for the kind words

 

[donewithlife1]

i hope man thanks for the kind words

thanks for the kind words

Anytime, we're here for each others remember that..

 

[the_dude]

That's one of my strongest feelings. Just being pathetic, a coward, and weak. That leads to shame and shame to me is one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

[carnivalforone]

Fuck man, I'm 19 too and basically in the same shoes as you with some slight differences. Also is the night night method partial hanging?

that and the co2 method both would be the most peace aligned for me yet if i mess it up like im fond of doing i could end up worse than before and that terrifies me