Venting My ex is miserable and it’s making me want to CTB

[IHurtTheOneILove]

My ex broke no contact last night and was telling me how I permanently took away a part of them by cheating.

Not the quote I'm referencing but important nonetheless: "but u literally broke me as a person and traumatized me more than anyone in my life has and someone who loves me wouldnt have done that in the first place or handled things the way that you did"

This is bcus I cheated on them with another girl (kissed her, then asked for nudes) and the fact I tried to CTB the day we broke everything off (i texted them a little goodbye thing and they found me before I could leave after SI kicked in). I love them so much and am at a crossroads. I feel an intense desire to end it all but I have random things that are keeping me here like my ex's radio show going public, my ex's birthday, my birthday, the fact that if I do CTB they will FOREVER be traumatized.

I know it's backwards logic but killing myself would have to come as some relief to them no?

 

[egoaltru]

Probably not. It's not like you slept with someone else. If you're causing your ex pain, you can simply stop talking to her and hope you can find someone else. Not to dismiss your feelings (everyone here has felt the same way, some of us for similar reasons), but this isn't something worth CTB because there are plenty of other solutions.

 

[oddetoad]

She sounds very sensitive lol I don't think asking for nudes is that bad and qualify for cheating

 

[Tears in Rain]

My ex broke no contact last night and was telling me how I permanently took away a part of them by cheating.

Not the quote I'm referencing but important nonetheless: "but u literally broke me as a person and traumatized me more than anyone in my life has and someone who loves me wouldnt have done that in the first place or handled things the way that you did"

This is bcus I cheated on them with another girl (kissed her, then asked for nudes) and the fact I tried to CTB the day we broke everything off (i texted them a little goodbye thing and they found me before I could leave after SI kicked in). I love them so much and am at a crossroads. I feel an intense desire to end it all but I have random things that are keeping me here like my ex's radio show going public, my ex's birthday, my birthday, the fact that if I do CTB they will FOREVER be traumatized.

I know it's backwards logic but killing myself would have to come as some relief to them no?

I agree with @egoaltru above. I know relationship break-ups can be tough, but if people ctb just for cheating, there would be tens of millions of people ctb every year!
You didn't even sleep with the person!
Either try your best to mend the relationship, or move on. About 50% of marriages in some Western countries end in divorce; a lot of people go on to remarry.

If this is the only thing that's making you want to ctb, I would seriously reconsider.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

I agree with @egoaltru above. I know relationship break-ups can be tough, but if people ctb just for cheating, there would be tens of millions of people ctb every year!
You didn't even sleep with the person!
Either try your best to mend the relationship, or move on. About 50% of marriages in some Western countries end in divorce; a lot of people go on to remarry.

If this is the only thing that's making you want to ctb, I would seriously reconsider.

This entirely warped my view of self worth. They were telling me how our entire relationship all their friends made fun of me bcus I was out of my ex's league. Like an exact quote was "I never knew he would cheat because he didn't deserve you and he knows that." That exact thought process is what led me to cheat bcus I figured they were already cheating on me with hotter ppl. Evidently I'm a fucking moron so idk what to do.

 

[HollowDrop]

Don't CTB over this. You already acknowledge you fucked up and that's your first big step into getting over this. We are all human beings who make mistakes like this out of our own anxiety, this ain't the end of it. Just let time mend her shattered self confidence a bit, and your own feelings as well.
I speak as someone who had my past partner go get romantically physical with someone else, just don't have too high hopes for the relationship to get fixed because her trust in you will not be the same unless you can truly talk it out and explain these negative thoughts of yours that drive you to do this in case she is willing to try and understand you. Honesty is number 1 of everything. We cannot read each other's minds, what you did is probably driving her to feel like she wasn't good enough for you while you also simmer in your negativity. It's a difficult situation, but for the time being try to find some distractions in every day life. Take care of yourself.

 

[TorturedSoul999]

At least your ex still talks to you.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

At least your ex still talks to you.

Its only full of hatred tho so whats the point

 

[hellispink]

People who cheat dont know the consequences of their actions until is too late. You can give some ptsd, which is probably what your ex has. You dying might not change absolutely nothing. Nothing you do can change or erase her pain. The pain caused the insecurities she will have for life, the scars and feeling unworthy part, that cannot be erased. Cheating leaves deep emotional scars. I suggest you stay as away possible from her. If she reached back then try blocking tell her is for her best. All the harm you did it already dont put more wood to the fire

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

People who cheat dont know the consequences of their actions until is too late. You can give some ptsd, which is probably what your ex has. You dying might not change absolutely nothing. Nothing you do can change or erase her pain. The pain caused the insecurities she will have for life, the scars and feeling unworthy part, that cannot be erased. Cheating leaves deep emotional scars. I suggest you stay as away possible from her. If she reached back then try blocking tell her is for her best. All the harm you did it already dont put more wood to the fire

I was definitely naive to think I could hide this mistake from my ex. I think CTB is ideal for this. Knowing I left these permanent scars is something I cant live with.

 

[Levia@than]

honestly just block them. what you did wasn't great, but who cares? everybody makes mistakes. instead of dwelling on this just move on and learn from this experience. I understand that you may still have feelings for them, but it's probably just best to cut them off. moving on is hard I know, but you will eventually. This isn't worth CBTing over. It feels like the end of the world now but trust me when I say it's only temporary. yeah, you hurt them but don't dwell on it. Just use this to better yourself in the future. plus, she will probably get over it too in due time.

 

[Lost cherry]

I will do ctb because of ex. I have normal life, friends, family, job..and my only reason for ctb is because i did mistake in relationship and he broke up with me. Now he doesn't want to give me back my dog . And i am so lonely. Everyone knows for my ctb plan. And everyone told me that i need to forget him. But, i have 27 now. My only wishes was that i want family and kids. I adore kids.and now after 10years relationship i think that i will never find someone else and that i will be alone to the rest of my life.. i feel so guilty and lonely, i have anxious and depression..My life is terrible now. I cant spend time with friends, i cry 3 months every day, i just want to disappear from this world.

 

[SexyIncél]

I will do ctb because of ex.

May I ask what the mistake was? I won't judge, just listening if you want