Venting My ex is being so unreasonable that I don't feel had about leaving him to pay the mortgage when I die anymore.

[SHThrowAway213]

WARNING - LONG
From my research, as it is a joint mortgage, he is responsible for it after I die.
The mortgage is 390, which as we are in the process of divorce, he has actually refused to help pay it and is leaving me to pay it all.
The bank said I could do a standing order, so I would only be responsible for my half.
I decided against that, as I did not want to screw my ex over.
From the end of September, he will only be receiving 400 quid a month from UC.
The mortgage is 390, not to mention he will still have to pay electric and gas, on top.
I was feeling really bad about leaving him with all this, until yesterday.
He was trying to persuade me to get a loan of 5k, or borrow it from my aunt to give to him. He said in return, he would sign the flat over to me so I would own 100 percent of the flat and he wants to be taken of the mortgage. Even if I wanted to, the bank would not allow this as I do not earn enough.
The reason for this is because he wanted the money to pay of HIS paypal credit account, completely in his name, and I told him it was a fucking bad idea when he opened it, the debt is now 3k
So we could pay off our overdraft of 500 quid on our joint account, I still had to give the bank permission for this, but he basically bullied me into it
And that he could get 800 quid for the dog. We bought the dog with the money from our wedding, that I fucking paid for.
We asked for money instead of presents so we got the dog with the money.
This happened yesterday, so did the next thing I am going to write.
So, the electric and gas is in his name.
He didn't want to pay the standing charges on the property, as he doesnt believe in paying for a service he is not using. That is fair enough, but the company said the only way he can get away with not paying the standing charges is to have the meters removed.
He rung me to ask what he should do. I said I will ring up the estate agent and ask how that would effect the sale of the property.
He said It would make the flat unsellable, so I told my ex that.
He just put back for fucks sake.
A couple hours later, he asked what was happening with the electric and gas. He then put forward an offer. He said if I wanted him to carry on paying the electric, he wanted me to pay off his paypal credit account, money for the dog, and he wanted something from the sale of the flat. He put no money towards the flat, I was the one that put down the deposit, and luckily we had a declaration of trust signed saying when the flat is sold I get my deposit back and we split the rest.
I said I said no to this and that he is obviously going to have to pay it.
He said he is not going to, as he can not afford it and hinted that I should be paying that. I said I am not paying it, as I'm paying the mortgage.
He said fine, then I'm getting the meters removed.
This would make the flat unsellable and then I would be stuck paying the mortgage for ages.
His reaction was basically he didnt care and he was going to arrange to have the meters removed.
Luckily, he told me he has actually lost the key to the flat so I would have to be the one to let them in.
I told him that I won't be doing that, and he said he is looking for his key when he got back. He finished at 9 last night, so luckily he can't arrange for the electric company to come down and he has lost his key anyway.
I told him that I hope he doesn't find it.
My Dad is actually going over tommorow morning to change the locks so he can not let them in.
But last night, I wasn't replying to my ex and he got mad saying fine he will keep on paying the electric and gas, I can keep the dog for free and he will take on all the debt as I obviously think that is fair.
The only debt I have is the 500 quid one for the overdraft which is both of ours responsibility.
But he is also going on about the 3k which is HIS paypal credit account anyway!
But I know him really well, he would not tell me that he found his key and is getting the meters out, so my Dad is going over there to change the locks and to drop the new key over to the estate agents.
I was honestly feeling very bad and very guilty about possibly leaving him in debt when I die, I was honestly thinking of postponing until the flat sold.
But after the absolute shit show of yesterday, I could not give a single fuck about the fact I will be putting him in debt now, he is being so fucking unreasonable.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

I'm currently dealing with my wife... She's unreasonable as well. Still love her to death but I just don't anymore. Losing my family will probably end me.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm currently dealing with my wife... She's unreasonable as well. Still love her to death but I just don't anymore. Losing my family will probably end me.

Being stuck In this situation absolutely sucks, but he is causing suck a fucking headache now.

 

[checkouttime]

This is a hard situation and i can see he is trying to bully you :(

I dont see the problem at all if the gas and electric were cut off. it is simple to get reconnected and companies don't usually charge as i am aware. they don't have to 'take away ' the gas meter it can be just turned off,inside or out. the electric i assume would just go into negative credit and then you just wouldn't have any. obviousley it may affect credit rating(i'm not 100% but possible). but i don't know why it would effect the sale of a house.

EDIt i.m pretty sure your estate agent is talking BS, it would effect your credit. they also don't need to take away the meters at all, thats a scare tactic. you might be abl e to explain this to the companies whats going on

 

[SHThrowAway213]

This is a hard situation and i can see he is trying to bully you :(

I dont see the problem at all if the gas and electric were cut off. it is simple to get reconnected and companies don't usually charge as i am aware. they don't have to 'take away ' the gas meter it can be just turned off,inside or out. the electric i assume would just go into negative credit and then you just wouldn't have any. obviousley it may affect credit rating(i'm not 100% but possible). but i don't know why it would effect the sale of a house.

EDIt i.m pretty sure your estate agent is talking BS, it would effect your credit. they also don't need to take away the meters at all, thats a scare tactic. you might be abl e to explain this to the companies whats going on

I am just going on what I've been told.
So it would just affect his credit then?

 

[checkouttime]

I am just going on what I've been told.
So it would just affect his credit then?

i will try to help.

so are they pre payment meters , these still have a standing charge as do ones you pay direct debit?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

i will try to help.

so are they pre payment meters , these still have a standing charge as do ones you pay direct debit?

Yes, we have to pay direct debit
I just thought I would mention I am in the UK, so it might be different for you if you are in a different country

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I would get the standing order right away. You don't know for sure you will ctb or when, but you're being financially impacted now and all the other problems are now.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I would get the standing order right away. You don't know for sure you will ctb or when, but you're being financially impacted now and all the other problems are now.

I am actually considering it because he is being so unreasonable

 

[checkouttime]

I am UK aswell. i am a gas engineer and worked in empty properties,rented houses allsorts and know a bit about other trades.

They definately do not need to remove a gas meter. it can be capped off inside or outside the property. I know that for certain. you wouldn't even need to gain entry.

the electric part I am not as certain about. for example in a house with a card meter, it would run out of money and go into negative £ and not work. so no need to take away.

now i'm not sure if they can turn your electric off the same as they can the gas.as far as i know there isnt a way to shut it off without the meter.

but....... they are allowed to go into a house....they take a lock smith if they suspect someone of fiddling the meter and so i imagine if they haven't payed the bill they could also do this(that part im unsure of) and take the meter

now if them things happen, i think it could affect your credit rating. but i also think the debt will be on the house and not on you personally(you amay want to check this)

also they cannot turn of the water to the house that is illegal


ihope this helps you a bit :)

 

[CTB-London]

WARNING - LONG
From my research, as it is a joint mortgage, he is responsible for it after I die.
The mortgage is 390, which as we are in the process of divorce, he has actually refused to help pay it and is leaving me to pay it all.
The bank said I could do a standing order, so I would only be responsible for my half.
I decided against that, as I did not want to screw my ex over.
From the end of September, he will only be receiving 400 quid a month from UC.
The mortgage is 390, not to mention he will still have to pay electric and gas, on top.
I was feeling really bad about leaving him with all this, until yesterday.
He was trying to persuade me to get a loan of 5k, or borrow it from my aunt to give to him. He said in return, he would sign the flat over to me so I would own 100 percent of the flat and he wants to be taken of the mortgage. Even if I wanted to, the bank would not allow this as I do not earn enough.
The reason for this is because he wanted the money to pay of HIS paypal credit account, completely in his name, and I told him it was a fucking bad idea when he opened it, the debt is now 3k
So we could pay off our overdraft of 500 quid on our joint account, I still had to give the bank permission for this, but he basically bullied me into it
And that he could get 800 quid for the dog. We bought the dog with the money from our wedding, that I fucking paid for.
We asked for money instead of presents so we got the dog with the money.
This happened yesterday, so did the next thing I am going to write.
So, the electric and gas is in his name.
He didn't want to pay the standing charges on the property, as he doesnt believe in paying for a service he is not using. That is fair enough, but the company said the only way he can get away with not paying the standing charges is to have the meters removed.
He rung me to ask what he should do. I said I will ring up the estate agent and ask how that would effect the sale of the property.
He said It would make the flat unsellable, so I told my ex that.
He just put back for fucks sake.
A couple hours later, he asked what was happening with the electric and gas. He then put forward an offer. He said if I wanted him to carry on paying the electric, he wanted me to pay off his paypal credit account, money for the dog, and he wanted something from the sale of the flat. He put no money towards the flat, I was the one that put down the deposit, and luckily we had a declaration of trust signed saying when the flat is sold I get my deposit back and we split the rest.
I said I said no to this and that he is obviously going to have to pay it.
He said he is not going to, as he can not afford it and hinted that I should be paying that. I said I am not paying it, as I'm paying the mortgage.
He said fine, then I'm getting the meters removed.
This would make the flat unsellable and then I would be stuck paying the mortgage for ages.
His reaction was basically he didnt care and he was going to arrange to have the meters removed.
Luckily, he told me he has actually lost the key to the flat so I would have to be the one to let them in.
I told him that I won't be doing that, and he said he is looking for his key when he got back. He finished at 9 last night, so luckily he can't arrange for the electric company to come down and he has lost his key anyway.
I told him that I hope he doesn't find it.
My Dad is actually going over tommorow morning to change the locks so he can not let them in.
But last night, I wasn't replying to my ex and he got mad saying fine he will keep on paying the electric and gas, I can keep the dog for free and he will take on all the debt as I obviously think that is fair.
The only debt I have is the 500 quid one for the overdraft which is both of ours responsibility.
But he is also going on about the 3k which is HIS paypal credit account anyway!
But I know him really well, he would not tell me that he found his key and is getting the meters out, so my Dad is going over there to change the locks and to drop the new key over to the estate agents.
I was honestly feeling very bad and very guilty about possibly leaving him in debt when I die, I was honestly thinking of postponing until the flat sold.
But after the absolute shit show of yesterday, I could not give a single fuck about the fact I will be putting him in debt now, he is being so fucking unreasonable.

Debts in his name are not your problem whether you're alive or not.

He would be liable for a joint mortgage. This would only be an issue if the property is in negative equity (ie worth less than the mortgage).

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I am UK aswell. i am a gas engineer and worked in empty properties,rented houses allsorts and know a bit about other trades.

They definately do not need to remove a gas meter. it can be capped off inside or outside the property. I know that for certain. you wouldn't even need to gain entry.

the electric part I am not as certain about. for example in a house with a card meter, it would run out of money and go into negative £ and not work. so no need to take away.

now i'm not sure if they can turn your electric off the same as they can the gas.as far as i know there isnt a way to shut it off without the meter.

but....... they are allowed to go into a house....they take a lock smith if they suspect someone of fiddling the meter and so i imagine if they haven't payed the bill they could also do this(that part im unsure of) and take the meter

now if them things happen, i think it could affect your credit rating. but i also think the debt will be on the house and not on you personally(you amay want to check this)

also they cannot turn of the water to the house that is illegal


ihope this helps you a bit :)

Oh ok, so they would not have to gain entry to do this?
It is not an card meter if that makes sense, it is a direct debit.
Alright, I will look into it because I don't want this on my credit history either.
I know I'm dying soon hopefully , but this could still affect me
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it has been mosty helpful

Debts in his name are not your problem whether you're alive or not.

He would be liable for a joint mortgage. This would only be an issue if the property is in negative equity (ie worth less than the mortgage).

That is exactly what my family is saying.
But he keeps on saying that I should help him pay it, as we also used it to buy my phone and laptop.
I told him I was happy without a laptop and that I could wait until we could actually afford to get me a phone as mine broke, but he went ahead and ordered mine anyway.
What would happen in that situation?
I didn't really think about that, everywhere I looked said he is responsible for the joint account and joint mortgage no matter what.

 

[checkouttime]

Oh ok, so they would not have to gain entry to do this?

Alright, I will look into it because I don't want this on my credit history either.
I know I'm dying soon hopefully , but this could still affect me
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it has been mosty helpful

They don't need entry to shut the gas off 100% they may do it inside a house at the meter,but its possible to do outside aswell.
Electric, they can gain entry to a house, and i have seen they (although it was a rented property) enter it and remove the meter. they leave a letter to say they have been.

Now the credit history thing, maybe look into that. and don't just accept what someone on a phone tells you from the provider(they will probably either know very little or nothing at all sometimes)

When i used to work on rentals.the tennants would always run up mass debt etc and they next person just moved in and it was all reset for them back to no debt.

If i was you i would go to citizens advice. they will be able to help you with a shit load of stuff ,I'm sure.

You can also get some free legal advize(i think you get 1st half hour free?) citizens advice may be helpful with this aswell?

If the bills aren't in your name i don't think it will matter he does.

I cant see how not paying the bills and having the stuff shut off would affect sale at all. new people move in and it all gets rest back to no debt.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

They don't need entry to shut the gas off 100% they may do it inside a house at the meter,but its possible to do outside aswell.
Electric, they can gain entry to a house, and i have seen they (although it was a rented property) enter it and remove the meter. they leave a letter to say they have been.

Now the credit history thing, maybe look into that. and don't just accept what someone on a phone tells you from the provider(they will probably either know very little or nothing at all sometimes)

When i used to work on rentals.the tennants would always run up mass debt etc and they next person just moved in and it was all reset for them back to no debt.

If i was you i would go to citizens advice. they will be able to help you with a shit load of stuff ,I'm sure.

You can also get some free legal advize(i think you get 1st half hour free?) citizens advice may be helpful with this aswell?

If the bills aren't in your name i don't think it will matter he does.

I cant see how not paying the bills and having the stuff shut off would affect sale at all. new people move in and it all gets rest back to no debt.

Ok, I think I get what you mean.
I'll go to CAB tommorow, and hopefully because it is all in his name it will only affect his credit score, not mine

 

[checkouttime]

Ok, I think I get what you mean.
I'll go to CAB tommorow, and hopefully because it is all in his name it will only affect his credit score, not mine

Honestly don't worry.Sounds like you fine. If its in his name it is not going to affect you whatsoever!!!!

I can't see whatsoever how it will affect selling the house. The person who buys it could potentially have problems, but you don't need to worry about that.

If you don't pay the bills then at worst bailliffs are going to come round, but that isn't your problem if its not in your name. they will take his stuff.

I can't se any of it affecting you. it would be good to speak to CAB though, they will let you know where you stand at least.

Sounds like he's trying to get you worried about stuff,that wont affect you.

If it was your name involved i'd be saying different.

But just check to make sure. better safe than sorry

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Honestly don't worry.Sounds like you fine. If its in his name it is not going to affect you whatsoever!!!!

I can't see whatsoever how it will affect selling the house. The person who buys it could potentially have problems, but you don't need to worry about that.

If you don't pay the bills then at worst bailliffs are going to come round, but that isn't your problem if its not in your name. they will take his stuff.

I can't se any of it affecting you. it would be good to speak to CAB though, they will let you know where you stand at least.

Sounds like he's trying to get you worried about stuff,that wont affect you.

If it was your name involved i'd be saying different.

But just check to make sure. better safe than sorry

Yes I will do, that is probably for the best.
To be honest I forgot about CAB, I'll definlty have to ring them
Thank you so much for your advice

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am actually considering it because he is being so unreasonable

Well, if I read it correctly, you didn't do it because your motivation was to protect him. He does not protect you, instead he relies on you protect him and tries to coerce you to protect him from his own fuck-ups.

Rather than doing it as a reactionary "fuck him," you can do it as, "I am responsible for my own self-protection, he is responsible for his."

 

[checkouttime]

Yes I will do, that is probably for the best.
To be honest I forgot about CAB, I'll definlty have to ring them
Thank you so much for your advice

your'e welcome. If i know stuff that others might not, i'm totally fine with helping out :)

To be fair it just popped into my head about CAB, my mum has used them for various thigs before.

Although usually i wouldn't advice certain groups etc I'm pretty sure CAB is a good one for people. Its free and they have no hidden agenda and are their to help people in circumstances some people don't understand(thats how i look at them anyway).