Venting My Ex Came Back

[TStorm]

I just want to vent a little bit because my mind is so confused. I used to really love my ex, let's call him Pat for sake of convenience. At one point I remember even telling him that I was glad I lived after my suicide attempt because I got to meet him. But things feel apart. Pat wasn't always honest with me. I was also very depressed because of course I am. He told me he couldn't date me because of my depression. I was always sad. I felt so heartbroken. And unbeknownst to me at the time this happened I was pregnant so I was extra extra emotional.

But I guess due to the stress of everything I had a miscarriage. I was pretty upset and stuff. I didn't tell Pat about the pregnancy yet at all. I had just found out and then I lost it anyway. What's the point in making him upset too? But I eventually did tell him and he was upset too. After that I found out he had had another girl in his life the whole time we were dating anyway so I just stopped talking to him at all. It was all so pointless.

But he came back again. I didn't want to talk to him. He wanted me back but like. He cheated on me. For a long time and lied and lied. He blamed me for the one thing I did wrong which is not telling him about the pregnancy but that happened after he couldn't stand being with stupid depressed me anyway. I don't want to date him. I don't want anything. Why would he come back to torment me?

I really cut ties with most of my friends. Even more now with all the quarantine stuff. I wish I could just CTB right now so I could escape from all this nonsense. I'm so tired. I know I'm not worthy of dating anyone, I'll never find love. I'm always going to be alone. I keep trying to find tiny tiny bits of hope to cling to, something to keep going on for, but there is nothing. I'm tired.

 

[Oyoy]

I'm sorry about your loss. Pat sounds like he was.lucky to get any of your time.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Why would he come back to torture you? It's called hoovering. He's a narcissist and to him, you're his supply, also called an appliance. He's ready for more attention and manipulation. That blame he put on you out of context and out of the order of actual events is a classic narc move. So is all the lying and cheating. The best thing you can do with him is go no contact.

None of his actions are a reflection of you. This is not evidence of you not deserving love. It is all evidence that he is a narcissist. Good fucking riddance.



Here's a resource if you would like it, especially posts 1 and 6.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

If you can, you should tell him to F**K OFF. Not always the easiest thing to do. I wish you the best. I haven't always been strong either.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

We all make mistakes, these people are like the flies that come in your kitchen that keep coming back in after you've shewed them out the door... Eventually you realize you're the one who has to close the door till they're gone.

 

[TStorm]

Why would he come back to torture you? It's called hoovering. He's a narcissist and to him, you're his supply, also called an appliance. He's ready for more attention and manipulation. That blame he put on you out of context and out of the order of actual events is a classic narc move. So is all the lying and cheating. The best thing you can do with him is go no contact.

None of his actions are a reflection of you. This is not evidence of you not deserving love. It is all evidence that he is a narcissist. Good fucking riddance.



Here's a resource if you would like it, especially posts 1 and 6.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

Well I dunno about being deserving of love, but thank you. I guess when everything is happening it's hard to tell what's going on. I thought he loved me, but that was probably never true. I dunno.

I am trying to stay out of contact with him. I blocked him on everything (although I think he stalks my Twitter and I dunno his name on there). He came to my house. Next time he shows up I'm just gonna call the cops. I dunno if theyll do anything but maybe then he'll go away.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Next time he shows up I'm just gonna call the cops. I dunno if theyll do anything but maybe then he'll go away.

Is it safe to just ignore him and not answer the door? I say this because any attention is fuel for him. Permanently depriving him of attention will drive him to abandon you and seek attention elsewhere. Narcissists always want to win, even if their opponent doesn't view it that way (see post 6 in the link I gave you, it's good stuff).

 

[TStorm]

Is it safe to just ignore him and not answer the door? I say this because any attention is fuel for him. Permanently depriving him of attention will drive him to abandon you and seek attention elsewhere. Narcissists always want to win, even if their opponent doesn't view it that way (see post 6 in the link I gave you, it's good stuff).

I never thought of that honestly. I mean he knows I'm home since my car is there, but I guess I can just ignore him. Hopefully he won't come back again. I'll read up on those links once my mind doesn't feel so fuzzy.

 

[waterbottleman]

I just want to vent a little bit because my mind is so confused. I used to really love my ex, let's call him Pat for sake of convenience. At one point I remember even telling him that I was glad I lived after my suicide attempt because I got to meet him. But things feel apart. Pat wasn't always honest with me. I was also very depressed because of course I am. He told me he couldn't date me because of my depression. I was always sad. I felt so heartbroken. And unbeknownst to me at the time this happened I was pregnant so I was extra extra emotional.

But I guess due to the stress of everything I had a miscarriage. I was pretty upset and stuff. I didn't tell Pat about the pregnancy yet at all. I had just found out and then I lost it anyway. What's the point in making him upset too? But I eventually did tell him and he was upset too. After that I found out he had had another girl in his life the whole time we were dating anyway so I just stopped talking to him at all. It was all so pointless.

But he came back again. I didn't want to talk to him. He wanted me back but like. He cheated on me. For a long time and lied and lied. He blamed me for the one thing I did wrong which is not telling him about the pregnancy but that happened after he couldn't stand being with stupid depressed me anyway. I don't want to date him. I don't want anything. Why would he come back to torment me?

I really cut ties with most of my friends. Even more now with all the quarantine stuff. I wish I could just CTB right now so I could escape from all this nonsense. I'm so tired. I know I'm not worthy of dating anyone, I'll never find love. I'm always going to be alone. I keep trying to find tiny tiny bits of hope to cling to, something to keep going on for, but there is nothing. I'm tired.

imo keep your friendships strong but cut ties with the ex. He was dating a different woman the entire time he dated you? That's a deal breaker, you can't trust someone who would brazenly lie like that. he doesn't have what is best for you in mind, he is selfish and only thinks about what is best for himself.

your pregnancy is irrelevant to the point above, but your reaction to the pregnancy is totally understandable. You didn't do anything wrong. Did he support you at all about the pregnancy or is he mad you didn't tell him? If he's mad at you for not telling him he's a stupid asshole. Why would you tell him about something so vulnerable when he broke your trust? He's clueless and wrong.

"I know I'm not worthy of dating anyone." You deserve better than him.

 

[MissKatrina]

If you love someone and they hurt you, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. Set them free again. :)

Also going through a tough breakup. Stay strong and take it a day at a time. <3

 

[TStorm]

imo keep your friendships strong but cut ties with the ex. He was dating a different woman the entire time he dated you? That's a deal breaker, you can't trust someone who would brazenly lie like that. he doesn't have what is best for you in mind, he is selfish and only thinks about what is best for himself.

your pregnancy is irrelevant to the point above, but your reaction to the pregnancy is totally understandable. You didn't do anything wrong. Did he support you at all about the pregnancy or is he mad you didn't tell him? If he's mad at you for not telling him he's a stupid asshole. Why would you tell him about something so vulnerable when he broke your trust? He's clueless and wrong.

"I know I'm not worthy of dating anyone." You deserve better than him.

He was mostly mad about me not telling him. Since we weren't really talking at the time I felt no real need to. I dunno. I really don't believe I'm worthy of dating anyone. I'm not really looking for sympathy or anything. Maybe I'm having a pity party because I wish I was better. The kind of person worth someone's time. I'm awful. I'm bad at relationships. I always end up crying over dumb things and that's too much for anyone to handle. I'm not pretty and I can't care enough to take care of myself. Like makeup. I would be a burden to anyone unfortunate enough to want to date me. I don't want to be a burden.

If you love someone and they hurt you, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. Set them free again. :)

Also going through a tough breakup. Stay strong and take it a day at a time. <3

I'm sorry you are going through a breakup. It's never a fun time. I also promise I'm not gonna take him back. Sometimes people see me as weak and i can be, but i know better than that lol. You stay strong too!

 

[MissKatrina]

I'm sorry you are going through a breakup. It's never a fun time. I also promise I'm not gonna take him back. Sometimes people see me as weak and i can be, but i know better than that lol. You stay strong too!
[/QUOTE]

Glad you're not going to take him back. It's always a temptation and I'm glad you're strong enough to not take it. I think I've come to the realisation that before having a great relationship with someone else, you need a great relationship with yourself. Involves a hell of a lot of effort and luck to get on the path you want to be. Wish you luck in whatever you decide. :)

 

[tireddreamer]

I never thought of that honestly. I mean he knows I'm home since my car is there, but I guess I can just ignore him. Hopefully he won't come back again. I'll read up on those links once my mind doesn't feel so fuzzy.

I'd just call the cops. He won't get in any serious trouble - they're probably just going to warn him that he WILL get in trouble if he doesn't stop harassing you.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Sending you hugs. This post hit me hard. I have been thru a very similar situation. I lost my child before birth but during that time my ex was cheating on me. And he kept cheating. We broke up then he comes back and I foolishly allow him into my life again and he ruined it more. He constantly lied to me, stole from me and was abusive but everything was always my fault because I'm "too negative, and depressed".

It took me 3 years to break my trauma bond with him but I finally recently did it. I cut off all communication, changed numbers. These people do this because they are narcissist and desire control and manipulation over our lives. I feel better to be out of the situation but I still want to ctb for other reasons but please block and ignore him and never look back...it's definitely for the best.