Venting My endless cycle of loneliness is ruining me

[LonelyStarrySky]

I can't handle it anymore, I am so lonely it hurts so so so much, to not be able to be loved by somebody, it makes me constantly feel suicidal, and I have been so much more self-destructive because of it and also SH(my hand covered in cuts and other forms I do subconsciosly sometimes like biting) because it hurts it just hurts me so badly. I get left by everyone I try to attach myself to, because I get too clingy and annoyingl, if I don't feel loved then I can't even aspire to be anything anymore, because I got nobody to be proud of me for what I achieve, I have no more will to get out of bed in the morning waking up in despair of the loneliness I feel, I can't eat having to force myself to eat and I don't even wanna do hygene anymore, because it feels just so miserable to be alone, be clean? be clean for who? I am feeling so empty without anyone to love me, I am dependent on love and affection and touch to live. If am not feeling loved whats the point of it all? To me life is already senseless and meaningless as it is, its infinitely harder to go through it all alone, in the voidof my bedroom.

Like when I meet somebody to talk to I just try to force them to talk to me, even if I don't have anything to talk to, but I can't control myself, its an opportunity I can't miss, the socialisation, I NEED IT, I can't live without it, and when I get somebodies attention I immediatly get attached to them and can't stop messaging them anymore because I wanna know everything about them, what are their interests, what they do. I can't stop obsessing over them, they become the central point in my life and I am willing to change my life to suit what they want.

I NEED company with me, I NEED somebody to talk to me every day, the more this cyle continues the more starved, more anxious and suspicious and paranoid I become of other people, it feels like I need to control them so I can know they aren't plotting to abandon me again or hiding something behind my back. It just becomes endless cycle that hurts everyone but I am the one left in more despair because I can't be understood or cared for by anyone I trusted.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry, loneliness is very difficult.

 

[BarnabasCollins]

I get it. I was so lonely, I married the first woman to show an interest. Unfortunately, she was controlling, manipulative, and cruel. The divorce is killing me. It's rough. If you need to vent, feel free to PM me.

 

[Kalista]

Want to talk?
This is pretty much what I'm going through. I found that being loved and being able to love someone is the one thing that I need in life. In a lesser form, being cared about and caring for someone that I have a connection with is just as good.

Feel free to message me.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I can't handle it anymore, I am so lonely it hurts so so so much, to not be able to be loved by somebody, it makes me constantly feel suicidal, and I have been so much more self-destructive because of it and also SH(my hand covered in cuts and other forms I do subconsciosly sometimes like biting) because it hurts it just hurts me so badly. I get left by everyone I try to attach myself to, because I get too clingy and annoyingl, if I don't feel loved then I can't even aspire to be anything anymore, because I got nobody to be proud of me for what I achieve, I have no more will to get out of bed in the morning waking up in despair of the loneliness I feel, I can't eat having to force myself to eat and I don't even wanna do hygene anymore, because it feels just so miserable to be alone, be clean? be clean for who? I am feeling so empty without anyone to love me, I am dependent on love and affection and touch to live. If am not feeling loved whats the point of it all? To me life is already senseless and meaningless as it is, its infinitely harder to go through it all alone, in the voidof my bedroom.

Like when I meet somebody to talk to I just try to force them to talk to me, even if I don't have anything to talk to, but I can't control myself, its an opportunity I can't miss, the socialisation, I NEED IT, I can't live without it, and when I get somebodies attention I immediatly get attached to them and can't stop messaging them anymore because I wanna know everything about them, what are their interests, what they do. I can't stop obsessing over them, they become the central point in my life and I am willing to change my life to suit what they want.

I NEED company with me, I NEED somebody to talk to me every day, the more this cyle continues the more starved, more anxious and suspicious and paranoid I become of other people, it feels like I need to control them so I can know they aren't plotting to abandon me again or hiding something behind my back. It just becomes endless cycle that hurts everyone but I am the one left in more despair because I can't be understood or cared for by anyone I trusted.

Hell yeah! This is exactly why I am going to kill myself by jumping off of a building soon! You nailed it. Damn this loneliness sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful what you are going through, I understand that loneliness is painful for so many who exist here. But anyway best wishes.

 

[user56765567]

I'm feeling similar in most ways you described and at this point it's like I'm absolutely losing myself in misery and loneliness with how alone I am and it just seems to get worser and worser every day. I just don't know how much more I can take of this either as it feels like its eating me alive on the daily.

To me life is already senseless and meaningless as it is, its infinitely harder to go through it all alone

That's exactly how it is for me too at this point. Socializing like you described is like that for me as well as I love every conversation I have with someone about anything and could spend my whole day talking and hanging out with someone if I could as they become a central/integral part of my life too. It sucks that you're going through this as well. You're always welcome to talk if you want to as I'm also trying to find a friend in my own life. At the end of the day, my heart does go out to you and anybody else feeling this way and going through this as nobody should have to go through this and feel this way.

 

[Blue Elephant]

@LonelyStarrySky I think most (if not all) humans would like to have meaningful social interactions so what you feel is perfectly normal. It's very good that you are aware of your needs and actions, the next step is control. But please (for your sake) take care of yourself first! I'm not planning to spend much more time on this planet but I still eat and wash myself. It's not too difficult and it helps in many ways, it helps being fed, strong and healthy, it helps with morale. It keeps me above a minimum level where hate and sadness would be too much. And of course this would make you more appealing to others as well.

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm going through this right now, at this very moment. I'm isolated because of my health. I just don't have the energy to be social, or do much of anything. Being alone too much gives me horrible anxiety. Unfortunately my health problems and the resulting exhaustion are only going to get worse. Loneliness is such a curse.

 

[carnivalforone]

I can't handle it anymore, I am so lonely it hurts so so so much, to not be able to be loved by somebody, it makes me constantly feel suicidal, and I have been so much more self-destructive because of it and also SH(my hand covered in cuts and other forms I do subconsciosly sometimes like biting) because it hurts it just hurts me so badly. I get left by everyone I try to attach myself to, because I get too clingy and annoyingl, if I don't feel loved then I can't even aspire to be anything anymore, because I got nobody to be proud of me for what I achieve, I have no more will to get out of bed in the morning waking up in despair of the loneliness I feel, I can't eat having to force myself to eat and I don't even wanna do hygene anymore, because it feels just so miserable to be alone, be clean? be clean for who? I am feeling so empty without anyone to love me, I am dependent on love and affection and touch to live. If am not feeling loved whats the point of it all? To me life is already senseless and meaningless as it is, its infinitely harder to go through it all alone, in the voidof my bedroom.

Like when I meet somebody to talk to I just try to force them to talk to me, even if I don't have anything to talk to, but I can't control myself, its an opportunity I can't miss, the socialisation, I NEED IT, I can't live without it, and when I get somebodies attention I immediatly get attached to them and can't stop messaging them anymore because I wanna know everything about them, what are their interests, what they do. I can't stop obsessing over them, they become the central point in my life and I am willing to change my life to suit what they want.

I NEED company with me, I NEED somebody to talk to me every day, the more this cyle continues the more starved, more anxious and suspicious and paranoid I become of other people, it feels like I need to control them so I can know they aren't plotting to abandon me again or hiding something behind my back. It just becomes endless cycle that hurts everyone but I am the one left in more despair because I can't be understood or cared for by anyone I trusted.

jeez it sucks how much i agree with this... loneliness is so unbearable

 

[figurehead]

Loneliness destroys our sense of self. PM if you need.

 

[outrider567]

Yes, been through paralyzing loneliness for almost 2 years now

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

There are many people who suffer from involuntary loneliness. Sometimes, one have to choose between loneliness and rudeness.