Update: I edited my post and added new details. Thanks for reading.
So... I decided to end this. Please, don't write a pro life advice. My reasoning may be wrong or biased, but I don't care, My mind is determined.
Why? To put it in a nice way, Because of my naive mind, I was taken advantage of, financially, physically, emotionally
I am sorry if my post sounds like a mess. So, here is my brief details.
I will ctb. Unfortunately, I don't have access to many tings, and this affects my plan. I have read megathreads and educated myself though.
Firstly, I will go to some remote wilderness (I already visited and planned routes) and hide there. It is pretty much semi desert with lots of bushes. I am underweight, weak person, with regularly low blood sugar, low blood pressure. My fear is that what if they report me to police as missing person and police finds me. Terrain here is plains with mountainous areas, I fear they can find me while I am alive. So, CTB by starvation is not an option for me. For that reason, I will take with myself a stainless steel kitchen knife and hit my trachea. I didn't mean carotid arteries, because IDK if I will be able to locate them due to stress. I already read a little bit about anatomy so I know it is not easy. On the other hand, cutting trachea is deadly because of lack of oxygen. Plus, it is made of cartilage, so knife must be able to cut it. I tested sharpness of knife on potatoes. Just a low pressure and they can be cut. If potatoes can be cut, I believe so can trachea. Trachea can't be waaay more sturdy than a potato, since it isn't a bone
I know, it is horrible. But i have no other way. It must be effective because I am sure they won`t be able to find me for at least many hours//possibly days or simply never, depending on my hiding places and luck. So I cant be found and saved quickly. I prefer lethality, quickness over easiness and painless. If I have to trade off pain and panic for a relatively quick death, so be it.
I just cant wait anymore. If I dont do this, I fear in future I will get some disability due to a random car accident or some illness like arthritis. It will be much harder if not possible to do this on a wheelchair
I will format my phone and delete everything before I ctb.
I researched everything. I pray to God this will work. If you have any questions, you can write them.
AT the end, this forum and my sweet pet were last places where I could feel like I belonged to. I posted rarely, but thanks for everything.
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