My dumb method. Will it work?

[wafflescat]

I was thinking of catching a public transport to the ocean. It would take me almost 3 hours. Then there drink in a pub for a bit, and between midnight and 2 am go to an empty beach, and drown. The water will be cold, it will be dark, scary, and lonely. What if I even can't get into deep water? SI might stop me? I must enter the water till when I feel no bottom and inhale the water. I'm not a good swimmer and the waves are huge. There won't be anyone at the beach. But mum will probably call the cops if I disappear, but she won't know I'm going to the beach 3 hours away on public transport. They should not find me, I don't think.

I don't think that someone will see me on a beach at night alone and call the cops.

The thing is, there is no way back. I did tell my mother that I have suicidal thoughts, she was furious. Hitting me, locking me out, screaming that she does not want to see me ever again. I'm 33 and I'm mentally disabled, I cannot survive alone. Panic attacks I get alone are unbearable. And homelessness is coming up. She will not talk to me ever again if I go to the ocean at night and change my mind, and alone it will be unthinkable hell for me. With her is hell, alone will be I can't describe the torture of what it will be for me to be alone.
I have no education, no friends, no relationship, no family (only mum) and gonna be homeless soon. I have no hobby, I don't like anything. I can't improve anything.

Why drowning? Hanging and inert gas is too technical, bridges have fences, high building I don't have access to either, I would not find where to jump in front of the train (there is high security for it where I am), ordering poisons online also is illegal. Cutting wrists is 5% chance to succeed. I don't know what to do. Drowning seems the only option.

I think of suicide all day every day. Suffering will be over when I die. But I'm scared as fuck.

 

[booray]

 

[woknows]

I am sorry to hear this. Your mother does not seem to be a very supportive type. Have there been other types of abuse growing up?

Maybe you can try a safe house for women to see how would you feel in a new environment. I am sure they can support you with getting needed help and setting up your life as well. I am not sure what kind of options do you really have. Find out. You can still move on with you plan if you will not like them.

I know one girl who was living with a mom that was abusive. It left her with pretty deep emotional scars. She met a guy, got married, and is getting better. Now she has a kid and is studying. I cannot say she has managed to overcome all her problems. She is about your age. So, it is not too late for you either.

As for the method. I am sure it can work. I hope you do not need to find out.

 

[Outsider]

Not all poisons are illegal ie SN.

 

[aneurysm]

This is terrible to read. I am so sorry

 

[wafflescat]

I am sorry to hear this. Your mother does not seem to be a very supportive type. Have there been other types of abuse growing up?

Maybe you can try a safe house for women to see how would you feel in a new environment. I am sure they can support you with getting needed help and setting up your life as well. I am not sure what kind of options do you really have. Find out. You can still move on with you plan if you will not like them.

I know one girl who was living with a mom that was abusive. It left her with pretty deep emotional scars. She met a guy, got married, and is getting better. Now she has a kid and is studying. I cannot say she has managed to overcome all her problems. She is about your age. So, it is not too late for you either.

As for the method. I am sure it can work. I hope you do not need to find out.

I do not have any options. Social workers do not help. I married a 60 year old man even not to be on a street. But it did not work.

Not all poisons are illegal ie SN.

in australia it is illegal

 

[Lupgevif]

Yeah, SI is very likely to take over, though alcohol may interfere with it.

 

[Barracuda91]

I was thinking of catching a public transport to the ocean. It would take me almost 3 hours. Then there drink in a pub for a bit, and between midnight and 2 am go to an empty beach, and drown. The water will be cold, it will be dark, scary, and lonely. What if I even can't get into deep water? SI might stop me? I must enter the water till when I feel no bottom and inhale the water. I'm not a good swimmer and the waves are huge. There won't be anyone at the beach. But mum will probably call the cops if I disappear, but she won't know I'm going to the beach 3 hours away on public transport. They should not find me, I don't think.

I don't think that someone will see me on a beach at night alone and call the cops.

The thing is, there is no way back. I did tell my mother that I have suicidal thoughts, she was furious. Hitting me, locking me out, screaming that she does not want to see me ever again. I'm 33 and I'm mentally disabled, I cannot survive alone. Panic attacks I get alone are unbearable. And homelessness is coming up. She will not talk to me ever again if I go to the ocean at night and change my mind, and alone it will be unthinkable hell for me. With her is hell, alone will be I can't describe the torture of what it will be for me to be alone.
I have no education, no friends, no relationship, no family (only mum) and gonna be homeless soon. I have no hobby, I don't like anything. I can't improve anything.

Why drowning? Hanging and inert gas is too technical, bridges have fences, high building I don't have access to either, I would not find where to jump in front of the train (there is high security for it where I am), ordering poisons online also is illegal. Cutting wrists is 5% chance to succeed. I don't know what to do. Drowning seems the only option.

I think of suicide all day every day. Suffering will be over when I die. But I'm scared as fuck.

This is strange, honestly I was thinking of doing this exact same method, i was gonna post a thread about it today but looks like you bet me to it.
Public transport to the coast, a few bar crawls and then to the ocean.
I've been mulling it over a lot recently and was thinking something along the lines of this; Tying something to my leg using a rope - preferably a relatively large rock, I will take a big rucksack with me and use that to transport it to the required destination, but i would have to find and access an area that has a deep body of water, that's gonna prove difficult.

I'm sorry If this sounds ridiculous or anything but I'm just desperate and serious about this. I don't wanna jump and I don't think SN Is easily accessible in the UK right now, also hanging is out of the question as I live with housemates.

 

[wafflescat]

It

This is strange, honestly I was thinking of doing this exact same method, i was gonna post a thread about it today but looks like you bet me to it.
Public transport to the coast, a few bar crawls and then to the ocean.
I've been mulling it over a lot recently and was thinking something along the lines of this; Tying something to my leg using a rope - preferably a relatively large rock, I will take a big rucksack with me and use that to transport it to the required destination, but i would have to find and access an area that has a deep body of water, that's gonna prove difficult.

I'm sorry If this sounds ridiculous or anything but I'm just desperate and serious about this. I don't wanna jump and I don't think SN Is easily accessible in the UK right now, also hanging is out of the question as I live with housemates.

seems like, from the research, once I breath in water the agony of burning lungs, throat and nose and chocking on blood and sheer terror will last about 2-3 minutes. It will be dark and cold. So scary. I don't want to experience that. But I can't see any choice. I don't know what to do. If I take a packet of benzos I won't probably even go into water. I once took about 5 strong benzos and woke up with food around and I don't remember how I ate and fell asleep. So I don't remember what I do on benzo overdose. It was not a suicide attempt I was just an idiot and took 5.

what I fear is changing my mind in water before I am deep enough. It seems that I do not fully realise how hopeless and terrifying my life is.

also I am afraid that a wave push me to shore with brain damage and I wake up with organ failures at a hospital.

 

[Lost Magic]

I think hanging would be easier than drowning.

 

[Spiral]

I was thinking of catching a public transport to the ocean. It would take me almost 3 hours. Then there drink in a pub for a bit, and between midnight and 2 am go to an empty beach, and drown. The water will be cold, it will be dark, scary, and lonely. What if I even can't get into deep water? SI might stop me? I must enter the water till when I feel no bottom and inhale the water. I'm not a good swimmer and the waves are huge. There won't be anyone at the beach. But mum will probably call the cops if I disappear, but she won't know I'm going to the beach 3 hours away on public transport. They should not find me, I don't think.

I don't think that someone will see me on a beach at night alone and call the cops.

The thing is, there is no way back. I did tell my mother that I have suicidal thoughts, she was furious. Hitting me, locking me out, screaming that she does not want to see me ever again. I'm 33 and I'm mentally disabled, I cannot survive alone. Panic attacks I get alone are unbearable. And homelessness is coming up. She will not talk to me ever again if I go to the ocean at night and change my mind, and alone it will be unthinkable hell for me. With her is hell, alone will be I can't describe the torture of what it will be for me to be alone.
I have no education, no friends, no relationship, no family (only mum) and gonna be homeless soon. I have no hobby, I don't like anything. I can't improve anything.

Why drowning? Hanging and inert gas is too technical, bridges have fences, high building I don't have access to either, I would not find where to jump in front of the train (there is high security for it where I am), ordering poisons online also is illegal. Cutting wrists is 5% chance to succeed. I don't know what to do. Drowning seems the only option.

I think of suicide all day every day. Suffering will be over when I die. But I'm scared as fuck.

I can relate to this so much I could almost believe you were me writing. Same age, same type of mother, same social situation, same imminent threat of homelessness, same panic attacks and unbearable mental state and same plan. The only difference is I don't worry about being alone when I go to the ocean, instead I'm am scared of being seen and somebody stopping me before I Ctb or because of covid lockdown that maybe I will get sent back home before I even make it as far as the ocean. That dark water is calling me though.
I did also consider inert gas but it's expensive and hanging is still viable option for me, partial looks a bit easier than trying to figure out the technicalities of drop hanging but I just want to see nature one more time before I go. It's hard to decide what to do isn't it :/
I am sorry it's got so bad for you *hugs* I hope you find some peace no matter what you decide to do

 

[wafflescat]

I also have a 9 year old son and I cannot take care of him, I have no resources

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

- If you decide to go with drowning, take a look at Shadow Water Blackout method. A user has posted a guide about it on this forum.
- Take a look at night-night method. The materials required are fairly easy to buy and the technical isn't too hard to do.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

I have considered this too. It must be a common idea among the suicidal, because I saw a woman do this on Bondi Rescue.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

You have a nine year old son? Who will raise him? Your mother?