Venting My decision has been made.

[EternalChild]

Every single one of my problems is caused by my own weakness. Everything would be right if I was strong. Tonight, I finally, overtly accept that I am weak.
I have suffered absolutely zero injustice in my life. I have been spoiled from day one, I have no valid reason behind my pain. The only pain that I have is inflicted by my own inaction. I procrastinate. I avoid people. I have had no friends for a few years. Any adult in their right mind would realize, after only a brief exchange, that I am only a shell, with no maturity whatsoever. I haven't worked since I've started college. I've spent days in my bed. My parents wouldn't say a word. The fact that I started doing NoFap two weeks ago really is a testament to my stupidity and laziness. The only thing that I have for me is physical training, which I've been doing pretty consistently. I have some passions, like bowmaking and visual art, but I have abandonned them for months.

Tonight, enough stress has been built up in me for them to lose patience. Finally, my mother was honest to me. Finally, she spoke to me, standing up to my face, eye to eye, that I was weak, whiny and pathetic. They have done so much for me.

Each and every time that I would need to vent about my feelings, like the weak, emotional individual that I am, she would rather give me logical solutions to my problems, which is absolutely the right thing to do. I just couldn't take in the reality that I had to do things myself.

I am 19 and I have been digging my own grave for a while by acting the way I do. I am starting to lose my hair pretty bad as well.

I am addicted to my phone. Every day, I switch from Youtube to Reddit, back and forth. I have extreme mood swings.

I have had relationships with the opposite sex, which constitutes the extent of my ambition. I can say to myself that, at least, I have experienced these things and how wonderful they were before I die.

I just need to get my knot to pinch my carotid just right and I can FINALLY leave. I think my parents know of my tendencies. I've left my knot done for a while by accident; there is no way they haven't seen it yet. They may never be able to tell that openly or even to themselves, but it will be a great relief to them when I'm gone.

I'm just left wondering about my older brother. He knows who I am and how I feel. He's been through the same life but he's succeeded at overcoming where I am now. He seems to be doing okay now. Good for him.

I want no pity from anyone. I was dealt the best hand in life and I had the potential to accomplish great things. I simply didn't.

 

[Live Free or Die]

You'll find a lot of people here that might say "I wish I was 19 again! Things would be different if I knew then what I know now". When I was 19 I was wild and reckless. I'm surprised I made it to this age. I also know when I was that age, no one could tell me anything. I thought I knew everything and was invincible. I'm not saying you're this way, but many are. Find your own path, be it off the beaten track. Bowmaking is an awesome hobby. Maybe learn more primitive skills like it and become a survival guide. Spend a few months using these new skills on the Appalachian trail and find out who you really are. I know it's cliche, but you have endless possibilities and a lot of time in front of you.

 

[meetapple]

If you have no serious debilitating illnesses then change is still possible. I am sorry you feel this way.

 

[EternalChild]

If you have no serious debilitating illnesses then change is still possible. I am sorry you feel this way.

I have no illness. I am healthy.

You'll find a lot of people here that might say "I wish I was 19 again! Things would be different if I knew then what I know now". When I was 19 I was wild and reckless. I'm surprised I made it to this age. I also know when I was that age, no one could tell me anything. I thought I knew everything and was invincible. I'm not saying you're this way, but many are. Find your own path, be it off the beaten track. Bowmaking is an awesome hobby. Maybe learn more primitive skills like it and become a survival guide. Spend a few months using these new skills on the Appalachian trail and find out who you really are. I know it's cliche, but you have endless possibilities and a lot of time in front of you.

Bowmaking really is a nice thing. It's simple, natural, you learn a lot about woods and there's a lot of room for artistic expression.

 

[jimmy7754]

I am 32/m and wish I was 19 and healthy again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be very dreadful as we have to live with ourselves and our thoughts. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Rabhen]

Every single one of my problems is caused by my own weakness. Everything would be right if I was strong. Tonight, I finally, overtly accept that I am weak.
I have suffered absolutely zero injustice in my life. I have been spoiled from day one, I have no valid reason behind my pain. The only pain that I have is inflicted by my own inaction. I procrastinate. I avoid people. I have had no friends for a few years. Any adult in their right mind would realize, after only a brief exchange, that I am only a shell, with no maturity whatsoever. I haven't worked since I've started college. I've spent days in my bed. My parents wouldn't say a word. The fact that I started doing NoFap two weeks ago really is a testament to my stupidity and laziness. The only thing that I have for me is physical training, which I've been doing pretty consistently. I have some passions, like bowmaking and visual art, but I have abandonned them for months.

Tonight, enough stress has been built up in me for them to lose patience. Finally, my mother was honest to me. Finally, she spoke to me, standing up to my face, eye to eye, that I was weak, whiny and pathetic. They have done so much for me.

Each and every time that I would need to vent about my feelings, like the weak, emotional individual that I am, she would rather give me logical solutions to my problems, which is absolutely the right thing to do. I just couldn't take in the reality that I had to do things myself.

I am 19 and I have been digging my own grave for a while by acting the way I do. I am starting to lose my hair pretty bad as well.

I am addicted to my phone. Every day, I switch from Youtube to Reddit, back and forth. I have extreme mood swings.

I have had relationships with the opposite sex, which constitutes the extent of my ambition. I can say to myself that, at least, I have experienced these things and how wonderful they were before I die.

I just need to get my knot to pinch my carotid just right and I can FINALLY leave. I think my parents know of my tendencies. I've left my knot done for a while by accident; there is no way they haven't seen it yet. They may never be able to tell that openly or even to themselves, but it will be a great relief to them when I'm gone.

I'm just left wondering about my older brother. He knows who I am and how I feel. He's been through the same life but he's succeeded at overcoming where I am now. He seems to be doing okay now. Good for him.

I want no pity from anyone. I was dealt the best hand in life and I had the potential to accomplish great things. I simply didn't.

You are 19.
I am hearing anothers voice playing these recordings in your head. Seems they were also played in your brothers head and TO YOU, he APPEARS to be doing well...for now...shows me you suspect that he may indeed may not be feeling as well or doing as well as he indicates to others, which can be his own self defense mechanism, which you may envy that you do not possess.
We are all each our own canned sardine.
I am also hearing how these recordings in your head feel so unjust as you may realize how they have been a device to control you into being someone other than who you are.
I do not pity you.
I would like to see you give yourself permission to stop listening to these recordings and create new ones that better represent who you are.
You are 19, of legal age. If you are of legal age, you no longer are legally bound to be controlled by others. Take back your control, decide, if you have not already, who/what you are and find ways to start 'being' that.
A good start for a new recording could be:
"It is cool I am not competitive and choose to avoid conflict, but it is also cool as shit when I stand up for myself by just 'being' myself in whatever way I see fit at the time. It is also ultra cool that I can change this at any time as I learn who and what I like 'being'.
The ONLY reason I was able to hang on all these years was because an adult gave me that permission when I was 14, after my third attempted suicide.

 

[whatevs]

Dude, YOU ARE NINETEEN!!! I would trade places in a fucking heartbeat. You realized that you needed to change so early!

Don't take for granted the spot that you are in. Perfect, perfect timing to start, painfully, slowly, turning your life around.

 

[onleana]

don't let others belittle your pain only because of your age. older people have a tendency of thinking that we are just whiny children and don't treat our pain seriously. healthy people do a simmilar thing to mentally ill people - 'he is just mentally ill, he can't make rational decisions!'. young person's suffering is no lesser than suffering of a 20, 30 or 40 year old. of course you have more time then them and can turn your life around, but what if you're just too tired to do that? too done with life? in too much pain? im 18, i was dealt a really good hand in life and im going to kill myself too. i wish you peace friend. sry for my eng