My deciding attempt (i have only one chance)

[readyanddetermined17]

Sorry for my rambling but i think it's understandable.

So i'm about (around 12 hours left) to do it and it will be my only and deciding attempt.
Why so? Because of my ligature (I didn't make it that way). It's some double "woven" copper (i think) cable with thick cover around it. I tested it - it will do fine, but there's one problem (which may be an advantage) - the pressure of my body weight on slipknot is going to make a groove in the cover of the cable making the noose stay tight in it's final position without any possibility of it loosening at all.
So if my setup fails i will still succeed if "only" the position of the noose is perfect. So how do i do it?
I am all for the knot being behind the neck with the noose as high on my neck as possible. Is it the one?
All depends on it so this is my only concern now. Please, may need some of your advice.

As for my emotional state i think i'm having kind of pre-survival instinct mode on - i can't focus fully on my motivation, because my brain is messing around with me with some unrealistically optimistic (to say the least) visions of my life and other irrational thoughts. These are no way possible, but are enough to distract me a little from thinking clearly due to anxiety they cause. But i have a lot of experience dealing with the bs my mind throws at me so i'm resisting it well and i think as long as my consciousness is there it will go smoothly.

Apart from that i feel blissful excitement and relief that i will finally be free, which is sometimes disturbed by a thought that it doesn't go well. If only i was assured it does, my mind would be at peace.
But then again i've been always anxious about simplest things i had to do even when being completely sure about them...

My heart is pounding, my hands are shaking a little, but there's a smile on my face.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Hope things go your way

 

[shadow11]

May you be at peace

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Thanks. Now that i considered the possibility of the noose stuck with enough pressure to only close my jugular veins, i think i am about to have a panic attack. Maybe i will get a cardiac arrest from that at least?
Maybe i should wait and find a better ligature after all?

(edit) I was so confident about all this before and when making the thread, but anxiety is overwhelming me.
Now i'm feeling like i'm about to be defeated by fear and back out.
It really is harder than i thought - i was so sure about this up until now that the time for the actual act has come.
I feel bad now like i was an attention seeker or something...

 

[Gabriel]

Hey, dont wanna talk avout it before you do?
Maybe it is not whorth it!
Im here if u wanna talk...

 

[readyanddetermined17]

No. I'm not depressed or in some emotional trauma so i'm afraid there isn't anything you can do. But thanks.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Are you going for partial or full suspension?

 

[Gabriel]

No. I'm not depressed or in some emotional trauma so i'm afraid there isn't anything you can do. But thanks.

So why doi g it?

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Fuck! Brain is really a funny thing - i'm postponing my end for some other time, maybe for when inspiration strikes me.
I now regret even creating the thread - i feel like i put only more anxiety on myself by that, like i obliged myself or something. Hahaha!

I was going to do partial.

 

[MLongshaw]

Fuck! Brain is really a funny thing - i'm postponing my end for some other time, maybe for when inspiration strikes me.
I now regret even creating the thread - i feel like i put only more anxiety on myself by that, like i obliged myself or something. Hahaha!

It's like a survival instinct. Not a single person wouldn't be anxious about going to the unknown unless heavily intoxicated

 

[MLongshaw]

I hope to do what you wanted too, I think I'm ready tonight and the calmest I've ever been about it. Hopefully this is the last day for me.

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Gabriel, you are confusing me with somebody else. i'm not the type that does it impulsively because something bad in their life happened.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Fuck! Brain is really a funny thing - i'm postponing my end for some other time, maybe for when inspiration strikes me.
I now regret even creating the thread - i feel like i put only more anxiety on myself by that, like i obliged myself or something. Hahaha!

Oh, good for you then. From what I see, partial suspension needs some practice and testing to apply pressure to the right spot. Full suspension is a different story though. Do you still intend to ctb?

 

[skitliv]

Gabriel, you are confusing me with somebody else. i'm not the type that does it impulsively because something bad in their life happened.

Don't pay attention to him, his intentions for joining here seem quite clear

 

[readyanddetermined17]

MLongshaw.
Yeah man. That makes me afraid i will never be able to do it. I think i'm going to stay here for a while.
I would wish you luck if that changed something.

 

[MLongshaw]

MLongshaw.
Yeah man. That makes me afraid i will never be able to do it. I think i'm going to stay here for a while.
I would wish you luck if that changed something.

Thank you. I hope things improve for you if you don't go through with it

 

[Gabriel]

Just trying to help folks... not a religious guy or anything

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Wow! I can't put my mind together even though i didn't attempt.

In my case though, what prevents me from ending it is only a pretty rational thought of messing up.
I have no fear as far as death, afterlife etc. is concerned, quite the contrary - i'm really curious what's there (although i don't believe there is anything). This actally makes me want to die more. Haha! like thinking that there is something better for me there. But i'd rather want there to be nothing instead of continuing being who i am.

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Anyway, so what's the optimal placement of the noose on the neck?
From my information i would guess that the higher the better - the arteries are least protected at the very top, but i still have some doubts. Does that position let you breath at all? Or is it possible to put theoretically enough or more pressure there and still somehow not close the arteries completely?
If i were to do it i would go for partial suspension "standing" with my knees bent. I would let go of my body and go all out. Technically that should be more that enough to shut the arteries, but is it still possible for it to not happen because for example part of the pressure is distributed on my muscles etc.?

 

[shadow11]

Anyway, so what's the optimal placement of the noose on the neck?
From my information i would guess that the higher the better - the arteries are least protected at the very top, but i still have some doubts. Does that position let you breath at all? Or is it possible to put theoretically enough or more pressure there and still somehow not close the arteries completely?
If i were to do it i would go for partial suspension "standing" with my knees bent. I would let go of my body and go all out. Technically that should be more that enough to shut the arteries, but is it still possible for it to not happen because for example part of the pressure is distributed on my muscles etc.?

I have the same questions

 

[DoneFighting]

Wow! I can't put my mind together even though i didn't attempt.

In my case though, what prevents me from ending it is only a pretty rational thought of messing up.
I have no fear as far as death, afterlife etc. is concerned, quite the contrary - i'm really curious what's there (although i don't believe there is anything). This actally makes me want to die more. Haha! like thinking that there is something better for me there. But i'd rather want there to be nothing instead of continuing being who i am.

I'm in the same boat as you. I want to go through with it but my anxiety is off the charts. My depression is so bad I don't even have the energy to buy the rope.

 

[shadow11]

I have the rope its tied in my closet I'm just afraid the drop isn't far enough and my feet will touch the floor and I cant get my head out of the rope. I'm afraid to do partial.

 

[MLongshaw]

I have the rope its tied in my closet I'm just afraid the drop isn't far enough and my feet will touch the floor and I cant get my head out of the rope. I'm afraid to do partial.

In my eyes full suspension is more terrifying. What makes you think full would be better than partial?

 

[shadow11]

In my eyes full suspension is more terrifying. What makes you think full would be better than partial?

Because I wont have the chance to back out once I jump

 

[readyanddetermined17]

I'm wondering if it's possible to get rid of the whole about-to-die anxiety not by using some chemical substances, but psychological methods. I mean brain/mind is a system after all, so there must be a way to do that. Like, let's say convincing it to believe that some reward awaits you in the afterlife. Wait, isn't it how it is in case of religious people? I would guess if somebody is truly convinced they are going to get what they want in the afterlife then they shouldn't be afraid at all, but happy.
Or maybe some meditation techniques could work?

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Wait, isn't it how it is in case of religious people? I would guess if somebody is truly convinced they are going to get what they want in the afterlife then they shouldn't be afraid at all

Do terrorists fear dying?

 

[shadow11]

Because I wont have the chance to back out once I jump

I'm afraid if it turns into partial I'll be fighting it and no way to get rope off my toes barely touch floor

 

[DoneFighting]

Do terrorists fear dying?

This just made me laugh out loud.

On a serious note they are brainwashed/ mind fucked like we are just in a different way. Except they think of themselves as a sacrifice and they will be rewarded. They are trying to please their god. We are just trying to escape our lives. They are fighting their war. Whereas we have given up ours and are surrending.

 

[readyanddetermined17]

Sometimes i think i would be more successful with ending it if i've never even looked for any information on how to do it, but instead just have done it on impulse. Because now i started thinking of it like a carefully prepared mission and worrying about each part of the plan to work perfectly and that ironically makes me calm because that's what i have to be to accomplish "the task". And that's the problem - thinking too much is the problem. So instead i'm waiting for a moment of inspiration and then i'm going with the flow - it won't work any other way. I need emotions. I need some fucking PASSION!

 

[shadow11]

I'm wondering if it's possible to get rid of the whole about-to-die anxiety not by using some chemical substances, but psychological methods. I mean brain/mind is a system after all, so there must be a way to do that. Like, let's say convincing it to believe that some reward awaits you in the afterlife. Wait, isn't it how it is in case of religious people? I would guess if somebody is truly convinced they are going to get what they want in the afterlife then they shouldn't be afraid at all, but happy.
Or maybe some meditation techniques could work?

I wish I could convince my mind of that but the anxiety takes over and I cant even think