Story My deadline is helping me to feel better.

[PlushieLover]

Well, basically I made a decision. I will ctb in approximately 13 months or so. Why wait so long? Well...

My life was the most boring shit ever. I'm just a normal dude, I don't have any interesting story or similars. However, now that I have "a deadline" for my life I think that that made me a total different person.

Now I can talk to people with more confidence without fear of saying stupid shit, (English is not my first language so sometimes I say things that make no sense) I skip classes without shame, (or at least a lot less shame) I feel like a can do whatever the fuck I want, and that is great! Fuck, I'm not even looking for universities or work for my future because there is no future anymore!!! (Also I wait so long so I can leave my home and start to live in my own. That will make a lot easier to kill myself without getting caught.)

But still, even if I care less about life, the void and anger are always in my mind, no matter what I do.

Not even indifference can overcome my feelings. It helps but is not enough.

Please share your thoughts or experiences, I will really appreciate that.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Yes it is very liberating. I am a very anxious person and used to worry about the future intensely. But now I have decided to ctb I do not worry about the future. What is the worst that can happen I die?

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

I feel the same, pal. When I decided to die before I become incapacitated it all goes lot more easier.

but i guess it's kinda tricky way, because I return into suicidal thoughts every time when something goes wrong. So mix of shame, anger, grief and hope never ends this way.

 

[orlandom]

I assigned myself a deadline and did not fulfill it. I feel weak now.

 

[PlushieLover]

I'm
I assigned myself a deadline and did not fulfill it. I feel weak now.

I assigned myself a deadline and did not fulfill it. I feel weak now.

I'm scared of that, I wish I can accomplished my deadline or I will feel like poop.

 

[Lmd]

I used to put deadlines too but I'm too stupid for it so now I live like I can die in every momment. Feels good.

 

[PlushieLover]

I used to put deadlines too but I'm too stupid for it so now I live like I can die in every momment. Feels good.

Interesting, I should try that If I fail my first deadline.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can totally relate!
Last year, I was so happy and relaxed knowing that I would possibly die on August, 2nd and this year too thinking I would die on January, 21st.
I'm still here but having a deadline seems to help.

 

[hahabye]

I also had a deadline set for myself. Spent basically all my money for my last trip (at the end of which I was supposed to ctb). Everything was planned and I was ready.

I had 2-3 months until my deadline when I made the decision. I spent them the same way you are now - not caring about anything, doing whatever I want, spending all I had left.

And I didn't go through with it...

Somehow everything changed during these months. I felt like maybe that's the way I could live - giving way less fuck and just allowing myself to do what I want. The feeling of shame for chickening out wasn't that big and in general I felt better than I did before. Thought to myself that maybe I can do this (keep on living).

And here I am, 1 and a bit year later, now back to my personal rock bottom that I was in. I have a new deadline set and this time I feel confident I can do it. For my own sake.

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

My deadline is getting closer and closer and I'm just weaker and weaker. I can't decide what method I should choose. Also I don't have enough time alone, because I still live with my parent. I think overdose would be the best option for me, because I take some pills everyday, so it could be comfy for me, but I really don't know what kinds of pills and how many of them to use. I'm really desperate.

 

[PlushieLover]

I also had a deadline set for myself. Spent basically all my money for my last trip (at the end of which I was supposed to ctb). Everything was planned and I was ready.

I had 2-3 months until my deadline when I made the decision. I spent them the same way you are now - not caring about anything, doing whatever I want, spending all I had left.

And I didn't go through with it...

Somehow everything changed during these months. I felt like maybe that's the way I could live - giving way less fuck and just allowing myself to do what I want. The feeling of shame for chickening out wasn't that big and in general I felt better than I did before. Thought to myself that maybe I can do this (keep on living).

And here I am, 1 and a bit year later, now back to my personal rock bottom that I was in. I have a new deadline set and this time I feel confident I can do it. For my own sake.

I also had a deadline set for myself. Spent basically all my money for my last trip (at the end of which I was supposed to ctb). Everything was planned and I was ready.

I had 2-3 months until my deadline when I made the decision. I spent them the same way you are now - not caring about anything, doing whatever I want, spending all I had left.

And I didn't go through with it...

Somehow everything changed during these months. I felt like maybe that's the way I could live - giving way less fuck and just allowing myself to do what I want. The feeling of shame for chickening out wasn't that big and in general I felt better than I did before. Thought to myself that maybe I can do this (keep on living).

And here I am, 1 and a bit year later, now back to my personal rock bottom that I was in. I have a new deadline set and this time I feel confident I can do it. For my own sake.

Maybe that is the right way of living, not worrying about nothing or at least trying.
Well you can se what method wisea help you in here. I founded mwisehod in here so you may find the best method

My deadline is getting closer and closer and I'm just weaker and weaker. I can't decide what method I should choose. Also I don't have enough time alone, because I still live with my parent. I think overdose would be the best option for me, because I take some pills everyday, so it could be comfy for me, but I really don't know what kinds of pills and how many of them to use. I'm really desperate.

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