My days are reduced to thinking about when and how to kill myself

[Dark Spring]

I don't know very well when or how, I think about it all the time, I can spend moments laughing with my brothers and in a second think about wanting to die. I have been looking around my house and an empty apartment behind my house where I could hang myself, at what time and how many hours I would have until they find me. Also I was looking for where I could buy SN in Argentina, if I ask for it online as I live with my family I would have to think of an excuse so that they don't suspect (as I study chemical engineering I could say that I am making some tests, it also occurred to me to say that it is to prepare handmade soaps haha, they don't know how to make them), in case of SN I thought where I could go and they wouldn't find me for several hours, maybe I am afraid of failing and making them worry too much, there it would be impossible to hide my desire to die and I don't want them to put me in some clinic.

I don't know what else to think about, but this is what I've been able to think of so far, taking into account my resources and the fact that I live with my whole family.

My dogs take me out of those dark moments but I feel that I can't take it anymore, the pressure is too great for me and I don't have any more strength.

 

[whywere]

HI!!! YES you have strength, strength as in all of your sanctioned suicide global family members here! I am so sorry for how you feel right now. I hope that you lean on us and let all of us help you. I have had alot of dark moments and /or times and i know what it feels like to think one is facing a dark time. I am here for you , care and have all the emapthy in the world to/for you. Please get a good nights sleep and tomorrow on a bright sunny spring day, I am in the Midwest of the U.S., it is fall here, spring there, enjoy the day and think things through. Remember, that we are here for you!!!!!!!!!

 

[sui4]

I don't know very well when or how, I think about it all the time, I can spend moments laughing with my brothers and in a second think about wanting to die. I have been looking around my house and an empty apartment behind my house where I could hang myself, at what time and how many hours I would have until they find me. Also I was looking for where I could buy SN in Argentina, if I ask for it online as I live with my family I would have to think of an excuse so that they don't suspect (as I study chemical engineering I could say that I am making some tests, it also occurred to me to say that it is to prepare handmade soaps haha, they don't know how to make them), in case of SN I thought where I could go and they wouldn't find me for several hours, maybe I am afraid of failing and making them worry too much, there it would be impossible to hide my desire to die and I don't want them to put me in some clinic.

I don't know what else to think about, but this is what I've been able to think of so far, taking into account my resources and the fact that I live with my whole family.

My dogs take me out of those dark moments but I feel that I can't take it anymore, the pressure is too great for me and I don't have any more strength.

With S.A.D., other things, and just feeling it is illogical to remain, yes. Today I was with you.

 

[Dark Spring]

Thank you, having a place where I can vent is very good for me