My Dad said he failed me

[Fractal]

I really failed him and my family though. I spent my entire childhood and teen years escaping on the internet and binge watching YouTube videos. I never reached out to anyone. I was dying of Type 1 diabetes and I never acknowledged my symptoms to anyone. I wish I could take it all back. I have no choice but to CTB because I never learned how to take care of myself. I never lived. And I never cared for anyone. I think bad people are the ones that need the most help, but they refuse it for various reasons. Mine being extreme addiction to escapism. I hope if there's a next life I'll be brought back as a normal/decent person.

 

[mortuarymary]

My real did tried to
Dad

 

[sincerely dead]

i'm sorry you are hurting so much. obviously i don't know the situation but i really don't believe that you failed anyone, especially simply by hurting. escapism is a coping mechanism and it's survival sometimes. you've got self awareness more than many people in your circumstances would. i think your dad saying that is just a reflection of how he feels like he failed as a father, not that you are a failure. perhaps that's just because he wants to see you move away from escapism and into a space of healing and recovery.

it is inappropriate for a father to share such feelings with their son/daughter. these words have heavy impacts and whether or not his intentions were pure, it of course is hurtful. you aren't a failure for coming up for air the way that you needed to while drowning. you're not a failure for falling victim to escapism. you are brave, and deserve far more credit than you've been given and i am proud of you.

 

[permanently tired]

I really failed him and my family though. I spent my entire childhood and teen years escaping on the internet and binge watching YouTube videos. I never reached out to anyone. I was dying of Type 1 diabetes and I never acknowledged my symptoms to anyone. I wish I could take it all back. I have no choice but to CTB because I never learned how to take care of myself. I never lived. And I never cared for anyone. I think bad people are the ones that need the most help, but they refuse it for various reasons. Mine being extreme addiction to escapism. I hope if there's a next life I'll be brought back as a normal/decent person.

Sometimes I blame my family and sometimes I blame myself. I'm so good at talking to strangers but I've never opened up to my family and always pushed them away. I keep wondering if I should reach out and I'm deterred by the idea of repairing our relationship. It feels so insurmountable. No one really knows, but I think my extroversion is a coping mechanism caused by improper emotional attachment or lack of one

 

[Doemu]

I had a lost life too. I never even tried to go party.

I almost hope when society see what happend to us, could change.

Is more important prevent causes of CTB, than CTB.

 

[Fractal]

I went to a couple parties, but I was so far gone socially at that point I couldn't even enjoy them. Being isolated for your whole youth destroys you and your ability to understand others. That's why people like me stay NEET for years. That and health issues and addiction.