Good morning companions, I hope you are your best. Sorry for my English, im spanish.
I open this thread to update my experience with SN. Before explaining my plan, I summarize that the reason for my ctb is a very intense physical pain with less than 25 years, that I have been with it for a year and it is getting worse and worse, completely annulling my quality of life and my social relationships . Doctors with a backache always say "muscle weakness" and "exercise" and they send you home when they have no idea. And they "scan" you for 2 minutes and kick you out because you have a history of depression and mental illness (anorexia). They only judge you and believe that you are an exaggerated and that you have no problem because the magnetic resonance is all right. I am currently taking morphine even, and it hardly relieves my pain. I've tried fentanyl, oxycodone ... of everything. I have been to the emergency department hundreds of times and they even tell me: "Well, we are not going to take your pain away" and they force me to leave after being several hours and still having enough pain (although somewhat less after intravenous medication). My family, faced with this disease (chronic pain), has neglected. I haven't talked to my parents for months because all they want is for me to go to a psychiatric center again. Several months ago I had an autolytic attempt with paracetamol, reaching almost liver failure and my sister, given the bad expectations, nor came to see me. My boyfriend of more than 2 years, yesterday finally, left me because he says he couldn't stand it anymore, that he couldn't understand my thoughts and feelings and because he suffered a lot when I told him my ideas. At no time did he understand me, he wanted selfishly to continue suffering without any real hope and having a life full of torture, sadness, pain and loneliness. It has come to me lately to say very painful things, since I had my autolytic attempt instead of trying to help me and make me happy it has been changing and treating me worse and worse despite all the efforts and that I gave everything for him. He told me horrible things and then I only knew how to say sorry, that he would never hurt me like that again. Deep down I am glad, I have nothing left in this life and now it is even easier to do ctb. I am not worried about what I am going to leave behind because there is nothing. All my life I have been rejected and I have been alone and my end is the same as all my vital journey.
Vayamos al tema. Espero recibir SN a más tardar la próxima semana. Iré a un hotel por unos días para asegurarme de que nadie me encuentre. Tome metoclopramida los dos días anteriores y la dosis estadística una hora antes, como lo indica el régimen. No tomaré antiácidos, espero que eso no me haga fallar ... Ayunaré durante al menos 8 horas.
Before that I thought about trying OD again, but I think there is no availability of difficult quantities, right?
I have more than 2 g of amitriptyline; about 250 mg of normal-release morphine and> 2g also of extended-release morphine (if I triturate the medication, will it be normal-release?), tramadol with delayed-release 50 and 100 mg (total more than 6g), as well as amounts Moderate sertraline, venlafaxine, mirtazapine ...
I await your answers and advice. I promise to update! Thanks and encouragement to all.
espero sus respuestas y consejos. ¡Prometo actualizar! Gracias y aliento a todos.
I open this thread to update my experience with SN. Before explaining my plan, I summarize that the reason for my ctb is a very intense physical pain with less than 25 years, that I have been with it for a year and it is getting worse and worse, completely annulling my quality of life and my social relationships . Doctors with a backache always say "muscle weakness" and "exercise" and they send you home when they have no idea. And they "scan" you for 2 minutes and kick you out because you have a history of depression and mental illness (anorexia). They only judge you and believe that you are an exaggerated and that you have no problem because the magnetic resonance is all right. I am currently taking morphine even, and it hardly relieves my pain. I've tried fentanyl, oxycodone ... of everything. I have been to the emergency department hundreds of times and they even tell me: "Well, we are not going to take your pain away" and they force me to leave after being several hours and still having enough pain (although somewhat less after intravenous medication). My family, faced with this disease (chronic pain), has neglected. I haven't talked to my parents for months because all they want is for me to go to a psychiatric center again. Several months ago I had an autolytic attempt with paracetamol, reaching almost liver failure and my sister, given the bad expectations, nor came to see me. My boyfriend of more than 2 years, yesterday finally, left me because he says he couldn't stand it anymore, that he couldn't understand my thoughts and feelings and because he suffered a lot when I told him my ideas. At no time did he understand me, he wanted selfishly to continue suffering without any real hope and having a life full of torture, sadness, pain and loneliness. It has come to me lately to say very painful things, since I had my autolytic attempt instead of trying to help me and make me happy it has been changing and treating me worse and worse despite all the efforts and that I gave everything for him. He told me horrible things and then I only knew how to say sorry, that he would never hurt me like that again. Deep down I am glad, I have nothing left in this life and now it is even easier to do ctb. I am not worried about what I am going to leave behind because there is nothing. All my life I have been rejected and I have been alone and my end is the same as all my vital journey.
Vayamos al tema. Espero recibir SN a más tardar la próxima semana. Iré a un hotel por unos días para asegurarme de que nadie me encuentre. Tome metoclopramida los dos días anteriores y la dosis estadística una hora antes, como lo indica el régimen. No tomaré antiácidos, espero que eso no me haga fallar ... Ayunaré durante al menos 8 horas.
Before that I thought about trying OD again, but I think there is no availability of difficult quantities, right?
I have more than 2 g of amitriptyline; about 250 mg of normal-release morphine and> 2g also of extended-release morphine (if I triturate the medication, will it be normal-release?), tramadol with delayed-release 50 and 100 mg (total more than 6g), as well as amounts Moderate sertraline, venlafaxine, mirtazapine ...
I await your answers and advice. I promise to update! Thanks and encouragement to all.
espero sus respuestas y consejos. ¡Prometo actualizar! Gracias y aliento a todos.
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