Venting My crush is the only person who can give me the will to continue living, and she won't even interact with me anymore

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

I met my crush while I was super-depressed. We both liked the same things. She was the only girl I had met who had read Frankenstein and Aristotle. We even hung out and took selfies and stuff.

When I showed my friends our pics, they all said "I think she likes you"

When I told her that I like her, she said "I have many reasons why I don't feel the same way about you."

I showed my friends the chat, and they said "It looks like she just doesn't find you attractive."

I messed up after that. I kept heart reacting to all her posts and it creeped her out. She never initiated a conversation after that. Eventually I stopped trying to talk to her, because I thought she would talk to me. She kept liking my instagram posts for about a year, and then suddenly unfollowed. We're still friends on facebook, but she barely posts there, I still follow her on instagram and check her stories. I stopped liking her posts. But I still view her stories, so she knows I exist.

The thing is, the people she hangs out with are utter retards and complete normies. I have no idea why she hangs out and interacts with them, but not with me. Specially since most them just give the vibe that they want to get into her pants or some shit. They're all middle class normies, who don't look like they even read.

I am the most compatible with her, and idk why she cut me off (okay, I know it's because I'm ugly) , but interacts with them.

One of my friends said that it's because normies are easy to keep at bay. That she knows how to handle them, but I'm too unstable for her.

 

[justpeachy]

You sound very young by the whole post, honestly? Just move on. I get it's easier said than done but she's clearly has no interest and has made that clear to you, instead of constantly thinking about her and wishing you could you be with her, you need to move on and find someone that likes you for you and will be happy to be with you. She's not that person, I think you just need to accept that in order to move on vs trying to keep getting her to like you which doesn't seem like it is going to happen if it hasn't yet. You can't control who she spends time with, she obviously enjoys their company so maybe she isn't the girl you think she is? At the end of the day I think to move on you are going to just have to accept that you aren't meant to be with her.

And not trying to offend but as a woman if a guy acted this way that I had nicely told I was not into...I would file a restraining order.

 

[UnemployedMD]

I've been here. Only in my case after chasing after her for a year (she was very good at gaslighting/manipulation tactics), actually getting into a toxic relationship with her, and letting her absolutely destroy me twice. I have never felt more free and in control from the minute I decided to cut this toxic person out of my life.

Please do the same. I understand why people get into these dark places over relationship problems but this is really not worth being suicidal over. There are plenty of people who will take you no matter how you think you look (you almost certainly look fine so don't dwell on bs like that). And if physical intimacy is something you are longing or feel it is something you haven't experienced, I promise you it is not as good as what you have probably led yourself to believe it is like. I was many years late to this compared to my peers and can't believe how much importance I have given to something like this in the past.

Making an assumption based on your profile name that you are somewhere in South Asia or are in that demographic/community, you should easily be able to have a marriage or partnership arranged for you if this is something you really feel like you cannot live without.

 

[Lmd]

Well, your entire post has a lot of red flags. The best thing you can do is work on yourself and get over it.

 

[justpeachy]

Well, your entire post has a lot of red flags. The best thing you can do is work on yourself and get over it.

As a woman, I cannot agree more about the red flags.

 

[UnemployedMD]

You may have some self-esteem issues and and deficits in social interactions you are not even aware of. Totally not judging you for that because I honestly struggle with them too. It doesn't make you a lesser person and I know that when you feel strongly enough about someone, you can lose some rationality and do things you normally wouldn't out of desperation. I am sure you can see how your behavior may have turned her off but there is nothing else you can do about that at this point. Best thing is to use it as a learning experience, move on, and find someone better. Time really does heal wounds with relationship things, especially in your case in which the relationship never even existed in the first place.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

You sound very young by the whole post, honestly? Just move on. I get it's easier said than done but she's clearly has no interest and has made that clear to you, instead of constantly thinking about her and wishing you could you be with her, you need to move on and find someone that likes you for you and will be happy to be with you. She's not that person, I think you just need to accept that in order to move on vs trying to keep getting her to like you which doesn't seem like it is going to happen if it hasn't yet. You can't control who she spends time with, she obviously enjoys their company so maybe she isn't the girl you think she is? At the end of the day I think to move on you are going to just have to accept that you aren't meant to be with her.

And not trying to offend but as a woman if a guy acted this way that I had nicely told I was not into...I would file a restraining order.

I met her when I was 21, I'm turning 26 this year.

 

[Lupgevif]

I would file a restraining order.

You'd file a restraining order over someone reacting to your social media posts?

 

[lofticries]

Honestly there's nothing you can do. She is her own person after all. I don't see any harm with being friends with her unless it really messes with you mentally.

I'd rather be told up front if someone doesn't find me attractive than lead on or only used as a placement holder. Why waste each other's time when it is limited.

 

[UnemployedMD]

You'd file a restraining order over someone reacting to your social media posts?

All due respect, this is harsh and not what the OP needs to hear right now.

 

[Lupgevif]

All due respect, this is harsh and not what the OP needs to hear right now.

I am not saying this to OP? I am asking the user who said they'd file a restraining order why would they would do it. Because I agree with you. That was very harsh and unnecessary here.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

And not trying to offend but as a woman if a guy acted this way that I had nicely told I was not into...I would file a restraining order.

How do I block you?

EDIT: Just put you on ignore.

 

[UnemployedMD]

I am not saying this to OP? I am asking the user who said they'd file a restraining order why would they would do it. Because I agree with you. That was very harsh and unnecessary here.

I apologize, I meant to quote the post you had responded to

 

[rs929]

I am not saying this to OP? I am asking the user who said they'd file a restraining order why would they would do it. Because I agree with you. That was very harsh and unnecessary here.

lol yeah, the restraining order was a bit too much

 

[WornOutLife]

I remember those days when I thought I couldn't live without the girl I loved.
It doesn't matter what we say, you will still think she's the only one who can help you to move on and deal with your life.
You just gotta realize that if you really decide to live on, it shouldn't be because of another person, it should be because of YOURSELF.

If you get someone who loves you again and make things better, GREAT!! Yet, you gotta be able to cope with life alone. Otherwise, you'll end up in the eternal cycle of being depressed and wanting to ctb again.

I'm bipolar but I'm doing my best to deal with life on my own and it's working most of the time.

I hope you can do it too!

Hugs to you,

Matt

 

[fixitinpost]

The advice I can give you is to cut contact with her. Unfollow her on social media, and if you guys hang out in the same spaces then just avoid her as best as you can. The interaction you have isn't good for either of you. She doesn't want the attention, and you just end up getting hurt over and over again.

Pinning your hopes on another person is never a good idea. It puts immense pressure on that person, and will likely push them away from you. More importantly, it's not good for you because it's not a foundation you can build yourself upon. You need to find actual solid ground for that. Others will enter and exit your life as they see fit.

You're young, educated, creative (you wrote novels, right?), and put effort into what you do. If you keep putting yourself out there, you're bound to come across someone who will appreciate these and other qualities you have. And they will want to spend time with you.

 

[blue_muse]

With users being unnecessarily harsh on SuicidalCurryBoy, can they honestly say they've never done the following things with crushes: hung onto their word, remembered small details, eagerly anticipated a call or text, daydreamed about being together etc.

Rationality and self-control take a backseat when it comes to matters of the heart. I empathise with the situation because it's someone he's known a while and doesn't describe some whirlwind romance.

SuicidalCurryBoy, all it means is that your crush cannot handle your entire personality - not reflective of you as a person.

 

[UnemployedMD]

With users being unnecessarily harsh on SuicidalCurryBoy, can they honestly say they've never done the following things with crushes: hung onto their word, remembered small details, eagerly anticipated a call or text, daydreamed about being together etc.

Rationality and self-control take a backseat when it comes to matters of the heart. I empathise with the situation because it's someone he's known a while and doesn't describe some whirlwind romance.

SuicidalCurryBoy, all it means is that your crush cannot handle your entire personality - not reflective of you as a person.

Exactly. Even as someone who tends to be emotionally detached from a lot of romantic drama this has been a line of thinking I have even fallen into. It is a biological urge we all have to fight to be with who we feel we are meant to partner up with. Anyone who tells you otherwise is likely lying. Women do admittedly have to do far less work to attract attention and have more options than men, but it is extremely hypocritical of others to judge OP when if the roles were reversed, no one would see any problem with how he is acting. Or at least they would probably be far more sympathetic if his gender was switched.

 

[justpeachy]

lol yeah, the restraining order was a bit too much

I would do so if I saw this post. Frankly, his thoughts and behavior about the girl are quite large red flags for less than stellar behavior to come in any sort of relationship. He clearly is unable to take no as an answer, he has gone as far as to say she should not be friends with anyone else because he's better than them? That is not normal behavior. If you think so, you honestly may be similar to him and part of the issue. As a woman, I have dealt with men like this on a regular basis and their toxic behavior is terrifying sometimes. I can see just from his post and how he talks about the woman and her friends that there are some major red flags going on. She said no over a year ago according to his post, yet he's still not taking no for an answer, that is not normal behavior.

 

[Lupgevif]

Except nothing he has done is enough to justify a restraining order. If someone ever filled one using this post as evidence, it surely wouldn't be accepted.

 

[UnemployedMD]

I would do so if I saw this post. Frankly, his thoughts and behavior about the girl are quite large red flags for less than stellar behavior to come in any sort of relationship. He clearly is unable to take no as an answer, he has gone as far as to say she should not be friends with anyone else because he's better than them? That is not normal behavior. If you think so, you honestly may be similar to him and part of the issue. As a woman, I have dealt with men like this on a regular basis and their toxic behavior is terrifying sometimes. I can see just from his post and how he talks about the woman and her friends that there are some major red flags going on. She said no over a year ago according to his post, yet he's still not taking no for an answer, that is not normal behavior.

Not normal perhaps. But he is hurt and as other have said, affairs of the heart tend to cloud your judgement to a degree. Restraining orders are also only granted towards people who show serious signs of causing physical harm to someone else. I don't get the vibe that OP is a violent and unstable person at all. Just someone with hopeless longing who has never felt loved by the opposite sex and has put all his eggs in one woman. Can you really blame him?

 

[justpeachy]

Not normal perhaps. But he is hurt and as other have said, affairs of the heart tend to cloud your judgement to a degree. Restraining orders are also only granted towards people who show serious signs of causing physical harm to someone else. I don't get the vibe that OP is a violent and unstable person at all. Just someone with hopeless longing who has never felt loved by the opposite sex and has put all his eggs in one woman. Can you really blame him?

That's false that restraining orders are only granted towards someone that is violent physically towards someone. Harassment, stalking, emotional abuse, these are all grounds for restraining orders. Restraining orders are absolutely not just for people that display violent physical acts, it can be for someone that is following someone around (stalking), intimidation, harassment (which in its own right is a huge area and covers many different behaviors that are not physical at all), and emotional abuse which obviously isn't physical. I have helped many women get protection and restraining orders and have yet to hear about one that only allows someone that is physically harmed to file for it.

 

[UnemployedMD]

OP-you do need to learn the difference between actual sexual/romantic attraction and and platonic interests. I don't get the sense that this woman ever wanted anything to do with you romantically and tried to let you down easy. It happens sometimes and is absolutely no reason to consider ctbing. I know this is a a non-judgmental forum and we aren't supposed to say things that suggest we are trying to make a decision for someone else, but if the main reason you are considering ctbing is over some girl you were never even in any sort of relationship with (she really almost sounds like an acquaintance and not even a friend) this is a very foolish reason to do that. As other's have said it is not a reflection of you at all even though it is very easy to see rejection in this way as being deficient in someway as a human being. I along with everyone here has probably been their at some point and it hurts. It is not hard to get a girlfriend if you are just looking to do that. Go on tinder, bumble, dating apps I guarantee you will find someone.

 

[Lupgevif]

That's false that restraining orders are only granted towards someone that is violent physically towards someone. Harassment, stalking, emotional abuse, these are all grounds for restraining orders. Restraining orders are absolutely not just for people that display violent physical acts, it can be for someone that is following someone around (stalking), intimidation, harassment (which in its own right is a huge area and covers many different behaviors that are not physical at all), and emotional abuse which obviously isn't physical. I have helped many women get protection and restraining orders and have yet to hear about one that only allows someone that is physically harmed to file for it.

And what of these things has OP done? Liking social media posts is not harassment, and he's clearly not even in contact with her anymore. This post is only about how OP can't get over it, and he doesn't state he's still trying to do anything with the crush in question.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Red flags.
Here we go again...

 

[Meditation guide]

I have sympathy for you op as it sounds like you are suffering. It may come to some sort of rejection earlier in life that you are subconsciously trying to correct.

I give her points for being very honest with you at least.

And I give you points for not actively following her physically.

Rejection is part of life for everyone. If you can learn to accept it and move on you will find life is much easier.

 

[fred farkle]

she sounds like a cunt!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Expect more of this. We get refined by fire, eventually nothing can harm us, our hearts will be charcoal.

 

[shy]

It reads to me like you are projecting an awful lot onto your crush. You can't look into her head and know if she felt the same connection you did. The compatibility between you two isn't for you alone to decide.

 

[justpeachy]

And what of these things has OP done? Liking social media posts is not harassment, and he's clearly not even in contact with her anymore. This post is only about how OP can't get over it, and he doesn't state he's still trying to do anything with the crush in question.

OP gives off red flags not only to me but to several other peopl that have commented. It's a sense that we feel about someone in this case based off what he stated in his own words, that it's been a year, that she blatantly told him she was NOT interested, he kept "hearting" her posts until he finally realized maybe that's not okay (I don't know your gender but as a woman this is very very frustrating when you tell a man you are not interested, married etc and they refuse to get the point and keep trying to push themselves into your life), then he goes on about how all her friends are not good (not sure what makes him the judge of their character? Maybe he knows them personally, I'm not sure as he never stated that) and insinuates he would be a much better person to be in her life. That whole last section is just very controlling sounding and makes huge warning bells and bright red flags come up for me (and it appears several others in this forum that commented).

regardless, the restraining order content was hyperbole, sure, who knows if legally he meets that criteria. I can assure you that you dont know the whole story just as much as I don't know it. I was mostly giving my opinion on the many red flags for bad behavior in a relationship/partner and overall my gut opinion based off some of the disturbing things he wrote insinuating she shouldn't be friends with her friends, but be friends with him instead, which as a woman comes across very controlling to me and overall how that is worded quite literally gives me chills. Overall, I do know plenty about relationships (platonic and romantic) as I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and have been for 7 years now.

and not to say you are saying this or said this but it's really not anyone's place to tell me or any other person (I had said woman including cis/trans women but didn't want to exclude the men of the group that have had similar trauma from a man or woman) that we are "over reacting" or can't feel a certain way about this type of behavior. Many of us have suffered similar traumas or things far worse and as a result this type of behavior is much more visible to us.

edit: tried not to misgender anyone by insinuating other commenters on this were only female, if I missed any areas that I tried to change please let me know so I can correct as I mean no offense and would hate to misgender by generalizing.