My brother, who only deserves to be called Abuser, started a massive fight because we wouldn't give him any money for going out, when he has deliberately spent all his money on unnecessary splurges. He slapped me hard. I hit him back. Now he is threatening to beat me up if I enter his room- which I have to because that is the only usable washroom in the house. He really is capable of beating me up; after all, he was capable of sexually assaulting me when I was 6 years old. He is capable of even murder. Which I frankly wouldn't mind because I then don't have to commit suicide myself :) (sorry, this made me laugh)
I don't think he will slap me if I bring my phone in and start recording loudly. But he just may lock his door from the inside so I can't access the washroom. I can't have that happen either.
The worst part is it's a holiday tomorrow. He will be home all day.
Please pray for me. (I must clarify I mean 'prayer' as in being kept in your thoughts)
Would mean a lot to me knowing I am not alone
I already have an amazing friend I met here who I can vent to. I hope she is doing well
Edit 1: I am hungry. I can't risk eating till morning when I know for sure he is asleep (he sleeps only at 3-4 am)
I don't know what I will do if he shuts his door.
I want my mother. My parents went out and only my father has returned. Yes, he witnessed the fight. He can't do anything.
I wish someone would say they loved me. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to not be hurt like this. I am crying so hard I can't breathe.
Fuck. They are all screaming. We already had a shouting match in the evening. Fuck. The neighbours know we are a deeply troubled family already because of how loud we are. Fuck. My abuser wants expensive food as always. We don't have the money. But no, that piece of shit would sell our corpses if it got him money for food and alcohol. I sincerely hope he gets stomach cancer and is unable to eat. I know that sounds harsh but a sexual abuser deserves exactly that.
I don't think he will slap me if I bring my phone in and start recording loudly. But he just may lock his door from the inside so I can't access the washroom. I can't have that happen either.
The worst part is it's a holiday tomorrow. He will be home all day.
Please pray for me. (I must clarify I mean 'prayer' as in being kept in your thoughts)
Would mean a lot to me knowing I am not alone
I already have an amazing friend I met here who I can vent to. I hope she is doing well
Edit 1: I am hungry. I can't risk eating till morning when I know for sure he is asleep (he sleeps only at 3-4 am)
I don't know what I will do if he shuts his door.
I want my mother. My parents went out and only my father has returned. Yes, he witnessed the fight. He can't do anything.
I wish someone would say they loved me. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to not be hurt like this. I am crying so hard I can't breathe.
Fuck. They are all screaming. We already had a shouting match in the evening. Fuck. The neighbours know we are a deeply troubled family already because of how loud we are. Fuck. My abuser wants expensive food as always. We don't have the money. But no, that piece of shit would sell our corpses if it got him money for food and alcohol. I sincerely hope he gets stomach cancer and is unable to eat. I know that sounds harsh but a sexual abuser deserves exactly that.
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