My brain is going off the rails haha

[BitterlyAlive_]

Been so dissociated for the past month. Today has been an especially bad day and I've almost been literally sick from it. You guys may know I've also had very, very intense urges to hurt and/or ctb for the past few weeks.

Well now my brain is telling me that me not actively hurting or trying to kill myself is a moral issue, the urges are still very bad. I know it's almost a delusion but damn. Fuck.

 

[http-410]

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place. Was there an event that made you worse again?

It may not really helpful or seem unreal reading this, but you're not alone in this. I may experience it a little differently than you (and vice versa), but I can well relate to how you "feel". In my experience, even the worse periods of severe dp/dr will pass.

I know it's shitty advice, but have you thought about something "good" for yourself? Even if it is smelling something nice, or watching birds in a tree. Maybe focus on "smaller" details. The feel of the keys or touchscreen at your fingertips, the smell of your clothes, maybe your own posture or facial expressions. The vibrant purr of your cat and the smell of its fur... and so on. Sleep and staying hydrated is important.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place. Was there an event that made you worse again?

It may not really helpful or seem unreal reading this, but you're not alone in this. I may experience it a little differently than you (and vice versa), but I can well relate to how you "feel". In my experience, even the worse periods of severe dp/dr will pass.

I know it's shitty advice, but have you thought about something "good" for yourself? Even if it is smelling something nice, or watching birds in a tree. Maybe focus on "smaller" details. The feel of the keys or touchscreen at your fingertips, the smell of your clothes, maybe your own posture or facial expressions. The vibrant purr of your cat and the smell of its fur... and so on. Sleep and staying hydrated is important.

Hey mate, nice seeing ya again. Tbh most of this is my fault lol. For some reason the whole month of February was awful, had spikes of bad dissociation, worsened SH/ctb urges. It just went on for too long and kept getting worse I guess. Every day I was waking up more suicidal and self-destructive.

So I took matters into my own hands and said screw it. Went on a crazy bender for a week and a half, just started slowing down. Obviously have been getting exponentially worse due to my choices, but I feel like I deserve it all. At this point I seem to be sticking around because some friends asked me to call before I attempted again. Can't call because I'm too dissociated at the time or too dysregulated, so I'm not in a state to ctb either. Sigh.

And thank you, it does help knowing that the worst of the DPDR will pass. I imagine you're aware that the more you focus on it, the worse it gets. Once I let my system chill out it should ease up. But damn.

I know it's shitty advice, but have you thought about something "good" for yourself?

Also, not shitty advice at all. When we're miserable it's easy to forget to do something good for ourselves. Eh....