My brain is broken

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

When I was younger I used to worry about things like my studies and what I would do with myself later in life. I can only wish I had such mundane problems now. For years, my brain just simply hasn't worked. My thought process is fractured, blurred and chaotic. Anything that requires any type of multi-step process is stressful and difficult. I can barely absorb information. I struggle to retain focus and concentration. Things that happened earlier in the day feel like a week ago. Anything that happened before yesterday may as well have been 6 months ago because it's on the very periphery of my recall.

I feel utterly demented. I bumble around all day in a world of confusion and short-term thinking because I can't plan or get anything done. I can't really study or read anything lengthy, this post included. If I don't focus completely on what is being said to me, it'll just vaporize in my mind. Keeping track of the plot of a movie feels like running a marathon. It's so very difficult for me just to function.

Nothing helps. Medication, vitamins, exercise, I've tried it all. Nobody truly knows what this is, either. Brain fog? That's what it feels like. But I don't understand how it can be so bad. My family doesn't understand and I can't communicate the severity of it to them for some reason. They just see the same old me and think everything's okay. The doctors don't know what to do because all my tests and scans are clear.

I can't work like this or look after myself. Even "enjoying myself" is difficult because like I said, even mindless leisure activities are tricky. There is no hope for me, no coming back from this. Once this took hold of me several years ago, I knew that ctb was to be my final outcome. Whether next week or 10 years from now, it is going to be the only way out.

 

[dospi1]

Im no pyscologist but if you allow me to take a shot in the dark, you have TDAH, mind me if i ask you if thats it?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Im no pyscologist but if you allow me to take a shot in the dark, you have TDAH, mind me if i ask you if thats it?

I guess that's ADHD in Spanish? Yeah there are definitely similarities but it feels like my actual brain function is massively diminished, as if I have dementia. I've "only" been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. But if I can't get some brain function back some way some how, I feel like I'm going to be a vegetable before long and the medical/psych process is expensive, overwhelming and never seems to yield anything. It's like I've been "lost" for years now, trapped in this crappy brain state and unable to help myself or even figure out the steps to get started.

 

[Manaaja]

There's a big chance that there's mold or the air is otherwise really bad. (If corona permits) try taking a short, one week vacation in a hotel with clean air and no mold problems. See if that helps.

Right now I suffer from the same thing. I have a really bad brain fog, I go out, my head clears, I come back in, brain fog returns.

Also sleep is important, being sleep deprived is equal to being drunk. If you haven't slept well for half a year, that's equilevant to being drunk every single hour for half a year.

 

[dospi1]

I can only imagine how hard it must be, most people whitout any medical trainig truly dont understand what being unable to keep a straigh line of toughts can do to someone, have you tries asking someone to break up things for u? Ivea heard this helps a lot, for example if you got to write an esay for college tell you mom to break it up in tiny bits for u
-open word in your computer
-think of the subject
-google information about the subject
Etc
The more especific the instruccions are, the best. Stay strong mate

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

There's a big chance that there's mold or the air is otherwise really bad. (If corona permits) try taking a short, one week vacation in a hotel with clean air and no mold problems. See if that helps.

Right now I suffer from the same thing. I have a really bad brain fog, I go out, my head clears, I come back in, brain fog returns.

Also sleep is important, being sleep deprived is equal to being drunk. If you haven't slept well for half a year, that's equilevant to being drunk every single hour for half a year.

Those are some very good points, thanks brother. I'm sorry you're foggy too.

I can only imagine how hard it must be, most people whitout any medical trainig truly dont understand what being unable to keep a straigh line of toughts can do to someone, have you tries asking someone to break up things for u? Ivea heard this helps a lot, for example if you got to write an esay for college tell you mom to break it up in tiny bits for u
-open word in your computer
-think of the subject
-google information about the subject
Etc
The more especific the instruccions are, the best. Stay strong mate

Thank you <3 My situation is difficult. I am 37 and am given money by my father to survive. I live with my gf so we kinda go halves on everything. But my dad is getting older and I feel like a piece of shit for taking his money. I have a malfunctioning brain, chronic fatigue and lightheadedness, so my confidence in my ability to secure any type of employment is 0.0%. I will never qualify for disability because my symptoms don't show on any tests. Illness aside, I have so much frustration and self-loathing I don't know what it's like to feel even remotely normal anymore.

I guess that's how I always knew this would end badly. Once my father gets too old or I can't deal with this anymore, the music stops and it's over for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be terrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us. Nobody should have to suffer like that, this life is just so horrible. I wish you the best.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It can be terrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us. Nobody should have to suffer like that, this life is just so horrible. I wish you the best.

Agreed. I always think it's so true what you say about there being no limit to our potential suffering.

Also I want to thank @lostundead for sending me really good info. I think that's exactly what I have going on.