trying ungracefully
Student
- Jun 11, 2025
- 164
My boyfriend's brother is going through psychosis or had a really bad drunk episode. Basically he was trying to kill my boyfriend and was saying that my boyfriend wanted to kill him too.
My boyfriend had to restrain him and he ended up with bite marks all over him, his brother is older and an adult too btw. They called the police because of the threats and they took him to the hospital where he got evaluated. Some how he didn't get admitted even though he was trying to kill someone while drunk. Meanwhile I am screaming and out of control and I get hospitalized. One seems bigger than the other but some hospitals are just shit.
They hid all the knives but they can't find one and they don't know if his mom may have accidentally thrown it away or if his brother took it. That is so scary and I can't stop thinking about that.
The lock doesn't work on my boyfriend's door and he is tight on money so I don't know when he will get a new one. I offered to pay for it but he said no, he doesn't like help sometimes and wants to do things alone. He is going to stay at my house more though and just sleep here during the day, work at night, and go home only to shower and do what he needs to. He slept over last night but I live with my parents so it can't be something often, my mom even told me don't make it a thing because he has slept over like three times this year.
I'm just so scared and don't know what to do or think about it. At one point he asked me to rub his back and I said I didn't want to but then I did it anyway. He joked about it but it was really because I thought "what if it's the last time?" I'm just unconsciously being more loving too. Like he asked if I could rub his back and I said no but then did it anyway and when he asked I didn't know right way but it's because I'm so afraid that one day he just isn't going to respond to my texts and I go to his place to be told he is dead. My biggest fear has always been losing him and it is an actual threat now that is just looming.
His brother ruined the day of me and my boyfriend going out to a place to eat, that is a big thing for us because it is hard for me to leave the house. My boyfriend was said about that so I ordered us a pizza and he doesn't know but I am planning to take us out again. Food makes us both feel better and with pizza we eat the whole thing together so it is a good thing to watch a show with. Somehow we knocked out a 2L soda. Don't judge fr lmao it made us feel better for a bit.
But his brother isn't getting help so it's terrible now. I did see a text from him though saying "you don't need to pay me back, it's the least I could do." so I don't know what is up with him and if it's an alcohol thing or psychosis thing that was triggered by alcohol. He's an alcoholic from my perspective so that won't change I think.
I am so afraid for him. I told him how much I hate his brother now (I didn't mean to I was breaking down it was a lot to process). I always did but this is too much to look past on top of everything else. I don't care if it's psychosis honestly even though I've been through it. Even if he couldn't control it he did it and there are always consequences no matter what. I learned that too.
My boyfriend is so hurt by it. He was crying with me yesterday and I was just holding him and giving comfort because there was nothing else I could do. I think it was what he needed too because I asked if he wanted seroquel or gabapentin to fall asleep and he didn't want it and just told me to hug him. It always breaks me to see him cry because I hate to see him hurt especially over something like this, this is therapy level issue that I can't even help with.
I just wish I had my own house so he could move in with me and feel safe. At least it is motivation to do my exposures now so I can get a job. I have to keep that in the back of my mind because if both of us work we can move out and be free. Idc if we only have a bed and my bean bag as a couch. At least he'd be safe.
My boyfriend had to restrain him and he ended up with bite marks all over him, his brother is older and an adult too btw. They called the police because of the threats and they took him to the hospital where he got evaluated. Some how he didn't get admitted even though he was trying to kill someone while drunk. Meanwhile I am screaming and out of control and I get hospitalized. One seems bigger than the other but some hospitals are just shit.
They hid all the knives but they can't find one and they don't know if his mom may have accidentally thrown it away or if his brother took it. That is so scary and I can't stop thinking about that.
The lock doesn't work on my boyfriend's door and he is tight on money so I don't know when he will get a new one. I offered to pay for it but he said no, he doesn't like help sometimes and wants to do things alone. He is going to stay at my house more though and just sleep here during the day, work at night, and go home only to shower and do what he needs to. He slept over last night but I live with my parents so it can't be something often, my mom even told me don't make it a thing because he has slept over like three times this year.
I'm just so scared and don't know what to do or think about it. At one point he asked me to rub his back and I said I didn't want to but then I did it anyway. He joked about it but it was really because I thought "what if it's the last time?" I'm just unconsciously being more loving too. Like he asked if I could rub his back and I said no but then did it anyway and when he asked I didn't know right way but it's because I'm so afraid that one day he just isn't going to respond to my texts and I go to his place to be told he is dead. My biggest fear has always been losing him and it is an actual threat now that is just looming.
His brother ruined the day of me and my boyfriend going out to a place to eat, that is a big thing for us because it is hard for me to leave the house. My boyfriend was said about that so I ordered us a pizza and he doesn't know but I am planning to take us out again. Food makes us both feel better and with pizza we eat the whole thing together so it is a good thing to watch a show with. Somehow we knocked out a 2L soda. Don't judge fr lmao it made us feel better for a bit.
But his brother isn't getting help so it's terrible now. I did see a text from him though saying "you don't need to pay me back, it's the least I could do." so I don't know what is up with him and if it's an alcohol thing or psychosis thing that was triggered by alcohol. He's an alcoholic from my perspective so that won't change I think.
I am so afraid for him. I told him how much I hate his brother now (I didn't mean to I was breaking down it was a lot to process). I always did but this is too much to look past on top of everything else. I don't care if it's psychosis honestly even though I've been through it. Even if he couldn't control it he did it and there are always consequences no matter what. I learned that too.
My boyfriend is so hurt by it. He was crying with me yesterday and I was just holding him and giving comfort because there was nothing else I could do. I think it was what he needed too because I asked if he wanted seroquel or gabapentin to fall asleep and he didn't want it and just told me to hug him. It always breaks me to see him cry because I hate to see him hurt especially over something like this, this is therapy level issue that I can't even help with.
I just wish I had my own house so he could move in with me and feel safe. At least it is motivation to do my exposures now so I can get a job. I have to keep that in the back of my mind because if both of us work we can move out and be free. Idc if we only have a bed and my bean bag as a couch. At least he'd be safe.
