Venting My bipolar sister is so annoying

[bluecotton]

I'm on a trip with my bipolar sister in Japan right now and her mood swings, passive aggressiveness, and temper are getting on my nerves. My sister has struggled with mental illness for a long time. When I was a child she attempted suicide. My dad and I were picking her up from boarding school and he was upset, not worried, not scared, that she attempted. My narcissistic dad instilled a lot of trauma into her and my family. To a large degree I understand my sister is not like other people, she struggles a lot to manage her emotions and life and I try to be patient and give her grace. But I have my limits…

Back to this trip. It started out well but the second day she starting breaking down because her boyfriend broke up with her. It was a messy relationship but I feel like definitely part of the reason for the breakup was her behavior. Her boyfriend looked through her text messages and journal (HUGE invasion of privacy, not ok) but he found out she had lunch with one of her ex's and was texting him (not as friends). Neither is innocent but I feel like my sister was more at fault. Anyways, she starts crying at the restaurant we're at and I don't feel embarrassed but it's such a burden. She cries at a restaurant we're at the next day. I try to comfort her but I don't have much patience and care for her because of my personality and past experience with her. She spent that night sobbing and crying, and my mom helped her through it. I feel guilty for not helping my mom so much but I honestly don't WANT to help my sister that much. She can be so annoying.

Her behavior after this is erratic. One minute she's brooding and passive aggressive, next she's bright and chipper, and when she doesn't get what she wants she's vile. She said yesterday while we were walking, "if dad doesn't give me a car when I graduate I want you guys to know I'm going to be pissed off." My other siblings who've graduated have received similar gifts but I feel like she's very entitled. Whatever my family gives me when I graduate I will try to be happy with. I'm really not expecting anything. When an aunt gave me a gift out of the blue she got upset she didn't get one too. When my grandma passed away and we went to India to wash her ashes in the Ganges she locked herself in her room for most of the trip and then at the end of the trip she was upset she didn't get to go shopping at all and was upset we got things and she didn't. My grandma's death was very hard on her obviously and it's ok that she didn't feel well enough to go out but also she's the one who rejected our offers to go out. It's just hard for me to draw the line between decisions she makes because she is mentally ill and decisions she makes because she's a crappy person. I wish she would at least acknowledge and apologize for how her behavior affects the people around her, at least then I could know she's aware of it, feels trapped by it, and separate it from my sister as decisions she doesn't make them with a clear mind.

My school starts later than my sisters does so we're going to stay in Japan 10 more days than she is. She has said that in her angry moods we're doing this "to get ride of her" and honestly this is true to some degree. We visited Japan last year and her daily outbursts almost ruined the trip. My oldest sister and her boyfriend (32) I feel decided not to return with us largely in part because dealing and helping her through those episodes is extremely draining and honestly scary. We were afraid we might not be able to fly back home because we thought we might have to check her into a hospital for her mental instability. I wanted to have some time in Japan without dealing with her extremely picky and vegetarian palette and emotional baggage.

Honestly, I've started counting down the days till she leaves. Is there something I can say to her to convey my feelings without her getting mad? I do enjoy spending time with her when she's in a good mood but when those good moods are punctuated with passive aggressiveness, spitefulness, and misery, it's hard…

Any advice from people who are bipolar or who have experience with bipolar people or just advice in general would be greatly appreciated. If you could shed some light on why my sister acts like she does and drawing a line between her and her illness and how I should treat her, I would be very grateful.

 

[monetpompo]

Honestly, I've started counting down the days till she leaves. Is there something I can say to her to convey my feelings without her getting mad? I do enjoy spending time with her when she's in a good mood but when those good moods are punctuated with passive aggressiveness, spitefulness, and misery, it's hard…

Any advice from people who are bipolar or who have experience with bipolar people or just advice in general would be greatly appreciated.

i act a lot like your sister and it really bums me out to see my behavior reflected in someone so clearly, since i already know that i dislike the way i act around others that i'm close to. i get more moody when i sense rejection, but also when i feel afraid or nervous about something. sometimes it's hard for me to see if there's any real meaning behind the way i act, because i act so sporadically it feels like none of my emotions or the things i say matter at all. my mother's narcissistic in the same way your dad is. both my parents just think it's a financial burden when i get hospitalized and they get upset/annoyed when i talk about being suicidal. it just kind of drives me to want to do it more.

If you could shed some light on why my sister acts like she does and drawing a line between her and her illness and how I should treat her, I would be very grateful.

When my grandma passed away and we went to India to wash her ashes in the Ganges she locked herself in her room for most of the trip and then at the end of the trip she was upset she didn't get to go shopping at all and was upset we got things and she didn't. My grandma's death was very hard on her obviously and it's ok that she didn't feel well enough to go out but also she's the one who rejected our offers to go out.

i do this same thing where i shut myself in and hide from others but then regret not being included with anyone else, even though i knew i wasn't in the mood to leave my room anyways. it's sad when you aren't included in something and she feels like she missed out while other people were able to enjoy going to india while she couldn't. but she probably would've felt like a burden if she went out to be with the rest of the family, so she didn't go out.

She spent that night sobbing and crying, and my mom helped her through it. I feel guilty for not helping my mom so much but I honestly don't WANT to help my sister that much. She can be so annoying.

i don't think you should feel obligated to help her or comfort her. me and my sister are distant from each other. we fight often because of small stuff so it's lead to me basically never hanging out with her or being around her because i don't like being around her. sometimes all the stuff she does makes me irritated and i don't like how she makes me feel upset and then forgets about it later, when i still feel hurt by her. we argue if we spend too much time with each other.

i don't know how much you can distance yourself from your sister because she's your sister, but i would pay attention to her less and act indifferent when she starts having mood swings. i just avoid her. my mom's the same way where she can be angry, sad, or happy for no reason and i can't predict when her mood will change at all. i think your sister is genuinely oblivious to the impact she has on others, the same way i am, and it's my worst trait. i get why your sister wants to kill herself. she keeps acting in ways that make people not like her and she doesn't understand why. maybe she knows on a subconscious level that your family feels irritated by her and feels guilty. i wouldn't want to put anyone through my mood swings and distance myself from a lot of my friends because i can't control my mood. it just sucks a lot to be close to someone with bipolar or to have bipolar.

 

[madameviolette]

Is your sister younger than you ?

 

[bluecotton]

Is your sister younger than you ?

She's four years older than me

i act a lot like your sister and it really bums me out to see my behavior reflected in someone so clearly, since i already know that i dislike the way i act around others that i'm close to. i get more moody when i sense rejection, but also when i feel afraid or nervous about something. sometimes it's hard for me to see if there's any real meaning behind the way i act, because i act so sporadically it feels like none of my emotions or the things i say matter at all. my mother's narcissistic in the same way your dad is. both my parents just think it's a financial burden when i get hospitalized and they get upset/annoyed when i talk about being suicidal. it just kind of drives me to want to do it more.




i do this same thing where i shut myself in and hide from others but then regret not being included with anyone else, even though i knew i wasn't in the mood to leave my room anyways. it's sad when you aren't included in something and she feels like she missed out while other people were able to enjoy going to india while she couldn't. but she probably would've felt like a burden if she went out to be with the rest of the family, so she didn't go out.


i don't think you should feel obligated to help her or comfort her. me and my sister are distant from each other. we fight often because of small stuff so it's lead to me basically never hanging out with her or being around her because i don't like being around her. sometimes all the stuff she does makes me irritated and i don't like how she makes me feel upset and then forgets about it later, when i still feel hurt by her. we argue if we spend too much time with each other.

i don't know how much you can distance yourself from your sister because she's your sister, but i would pay attention to her less and act indifferent when she starts having mood swings. i just avoid her. my mom's the same way where she can be angry, sad, or happy for no reason and i can't predict when her mood will change at all. i think your sister is genuinely oblivious to the impact she has on others, the same way i am, and it's my worst trait. i get why your sister wants to kill herself. she keeps acting in ways that make people not like her and she doesn't understand why. maybe she knows on a subconscious level that your family feels irritated by her and feels guilty. i wouldn't want to put anyone through my mood swings and distance myself from a lot of my friends because i can't control my mood. it just sucks a lot to be close to someone with bipolar or to have bipolar.

Thank you so much for replying. Learning that she can act more aggressive etc. because she's afraid or nervous is good to know and getting to know what her thoughts or feelings could look like inside is very helpful for me to recognize that she's acting this way because of her mental illness, not because she's mean/entitled, etc. I definitely still want a relationship with her but understanding her actions can be hard.

You're definitely not oblivious to the impact you have on others if you're aware of it and talking about it lol. I think my sister is similar that in the moment she can't see what's happening but then feels bad and guilty later…

Just an hour ago we were walking back to the train station and my sister got angry when my mom and I paused while she went ahead (I was spacing out and grabbing my phone charger, maybe my mom was blocked by some people, obviously not intentional) and she got instantly upset. The flip from her good mood and bad mood was so quick that the absurdity and confusion of it made me angry. Because I was feeling angry I didn't think my words through and said something that triggered her (I can't remember what I said and I think my mom had already said something that made her mood worse) and she said in an angry and aggressive voice "I wished you'd stop." I was pissed off so I barked back "I wished you'd stop!" Because I honestly meant it. Her mood swings are so illogical and confusing to me that it's hard for me to understand, I wish they'd stop. She was silent after this and then she snapped at me saying "Why don't you go back to the hotel and stare at your iPad!" I do stare at my iPad a lot lol, it's how I unhealthily cope with my own mental illness rip. I like to isolate in my room. Anyways I'd calmed down a minuscule amount so I said "Why would you say that, that's so mean" and she turned around and smirked at me chiding "you think?" I think she was saying that was I said previously was mean as well and was giving a kinda "f u" for saying that. Obviously there's no bigger person in this situation we both lost our temper. But after we could back to hotel she'd gone to a low mood and apologized to me. I apologized too obviously but just the fact she apologized made me feel like she does understand how her actions affect others.

She just cried a bunch in the bathroom. I just don't have a desire to comfort her and whenever else it happens and I feel pretty bad for that. If someone is crying you should comfort them and tell them things will he ok. I'm happy to spend time with her but I think I just need to accept I don't want to help her manage her emotions everyday every outburst and I will try to be there for her after she feels better. Do you personally appreciate it when people help/comfort you through your low moods? Do you think she'd appreciate me trying to help her? (You don't have to answer)

If her mood swings could be explained by something clear like (someone said something mean) -> (she got angry) I could understand but instead it's (an unintentional action/random phrase) -> (she got angry). But hearing from you is super helpful because I understand now that I need to attribute more of this to her mental illness. She's not a perfect person, but a lot of her hurtful words/actions seem not to be coming from a clear mind.

 

[Realog11]

I'm on a trip with my bipolar sister in Japan right now and her mood swings, passive aggressiveness, and temper are getting on my nerves. My sister has struggled with mental illness for a long time. When I was a child she attempted suicide. My dad and I were picking her up from boarding school and he was upset, not worried, not scared, that she attempted. My narcissistic dad instilled a lot of trauma into her and my family. To a large degree I understand my sister is not like other people, she struggles a lot to manage her emotions and life and I try to be patient and give her grace. But I have my limits…

Back to this trip. It started out well but the second day she starting breaking down because her boyfriend broke up with her. It was a messy relationship but I feel like definitely part of the reason for the breakup was her behavior. Her boyfriend looked through her text messages and journal (HUGE invasion of privacy, not ok) but he found out she had lunch with one of her ex's and was texting him (not as friends). Neither is innocent but I feel like my sister was more at fault. Anyways, she starts crying at the restaurant we're at and I don't feel embarrassed but it's such a burden. She cries at a restaurant we're at the next day. I try to comfort her but I don't have much patience and care for her because of my personality and past experience with her. She spent that night sobbing and crying, and my mom helped her through it. I feel guilty for not helping my mom so much but I honestly don't WANT to help my sister that much. She can be so annoying.

Her behavior after this is erratic. One minute she's brooding and passive aggressive, next she's bright and chipper, and when she doesn't get what she wants she's vile. She said yesterday while we were walking, "if dad doesn't give me a car when I graduate I want you guys to know I'm going to be pissed off." My other siblings who've graduated have received similar gifts but I feel like she's very entitled. Whatever my family gives me when I graduate I will try to be happy with. I'm really not expecting anything. When an aunt gave me a gift out of the blue she got upset she didn't get one too. When my grandma passed away and we went to India to wash her ashes in the Ganges she locked herself in her room for most of the trip and then at the end of the trip she was upset she didn't get to go shopping at all and was upset we got things and she didn't. My grandma's death was very hard on her obviously and it's ok that she didn't feel well enough to go out but also she's the one who rejected our offers to go out. It's just hard for me to draw the line between decisions she makes because she is mentally ill and decisions she makes because she's a crappy person. I wish she would at least acknowledge and apologize for how her behavior affects the people around her, at least then I could know she's aware of it, feels trapped by it, and separate it from my sister as decisions she doesn't make them with a clear mind.

My school starts later than my sisters does so we're going to stay in Japan 10 more days than she is. She has said that in her angry moods we're doing this "to get ride of her" and honestly this is true to some degree. We visited Japan last year and her daily outbursts almost ruined the trip. My oldest sister and her boyfriend (32) I feel decided not to return with us largely in part because dealing and helping her through those episodes is extremely draining and honestly scary. We were afraid we might not be able to fly back home because we thought we might have to check her into a hospital for her mental instability. I wanted to have some time in Japan without dealing with her extremely picky and vegetarian palette and emotional baggage.

Honestly, I've started counting down the days till she leaves. Is there something I can say to her to convey my feelings without her getting mad? I do enjoy spending time with her when she's in a good mood but when those good moods are punctuated with passive aggressiveness, spitefulness, and misery, it's hard…

Any advice from people who are bipolar or who have experience with bipolar people or just advice in general would be greatly appreciated. If you could shed some light on why my sister acts like she does and drawing a line between her and her illness and how I should treat her, I would be very grateful.

I also have a bipolar sister it sucks

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's especially difficult because probably lots of people do have some issue going on. The sheer fact you are on a suicide forum means life isn't smooth sailing for you. It's no wonder it's got to be annoying when the world likely has to revolve around them. It's likely going to be hard for someone who's actually ok to deal with that but for someone struggling themselves, I can understand why it's too much sometimes.

I couldn't always cope when a friend vented to me. Not that I suspect they were bipolar but, I was struggling with my own shit so, found it overwhelming sometimes to take on theirs too. I think it's ironically out of kindness though. It's because we do actually care about them, that it gets to us.

It's not to say it's her fault but then, it isn't necessarily yours either- if and when you can't or don't want to have to cope with it.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice asuch but, wanted to sympathise.

 

[bluecotton]

Update because writing this helps me release some of my pent up anger.

So last night she forced us out of the hotel room so she could talk to her ex/boyfriend and so my mom and I were just left sitting on the hotel floor outside our room at 8:00 pm when we were both VERY tired. She did thank us in a text message which I appreciate but our room is massive. Could she have not talked in the bathroom or let us in and stand outside herself? But I know she's not in her right mind… aghhh it's so hard for my to understand and treat her "right." Now I just woke up and got a bloody nose and got my hands and face covered in blood. She was in the bathroom playing a YouTube video loudly and while there were other sinks they didn't have soap/towel to wash the blood. She said she was changing but she was in way too long to be "changing" so I think she was self-harming…

I gotta say seeing how much her mental illness affects all of us had reinforced the idea that not sharing my suicidal thoughts and feelings of depression is a good thing (good thing as in less people get hurt in the short term, please reach out and don't be stupid like me) It's so stressful when you feel powerless to really help or change someone's mental illness. I've lost motivation for everything including obviously changing so I'm sure for someone trying to help me like my mom they'd feel trapped. I feel some of that for my sister, she means like this for years.

I wrote that last night now this morning and things are baaaaaaad. My mom is saying she wants to go home early if everyone can't be normal. My sister is in her atomic bomb stage. This morning she was sobbing and yelling, she jammed the presents she bought for her ex boyfriend and his family (she's stilling texting and calling him) in the trash and yelled at my mom and cried because she thought my mom called her cheap for taking the hotel free tea and candy as gifts. I definitely didn't say the right things cause I'm getting SICK OF HER ATTITUDE. But anyways I said "you being upset makes us upset" which she obviously reinterpreted to mean "you upset us" we were supposed to go to Osaka today but my mom and I were too tired from my sister and all the traveling. She got upset because she wanted to go shopping but she was in no state to go shopping! She's getting trigged by every little thing and I hate walking on stupid eggshells.
I don't want to go home early but I don't want to spend more time with my sister if she's going to be so upset and insufferable. I looked at flights but they looked to be all booked and/or horrible prices. I wanna go home… I miss my cat… and I want to get some permanent rest…