Venting My 20th birth day went worse than I thought

[Covalite]

So basically I have spent the day stress eating and trying to reach out to people online and irl with mixed to poor results. I've tried using my coping skills, I've tried talking it out, ive tried sleeping it off, nothing is working and i don't know what to do. I think i wanna ctb but at the same time i wish things would get better (a hopeless wish). I have some methods of ctb i wanna look into but at the same time i don't even have the energy to do that. I just feel like i weighed down bye a 5 ton lead weight and my mind is in sludge. I would rather feal numb than this perpetual self loathing and sorrow. Again sorry I've been so ranty/rambley but i dont know what else to do. I just want some one to actualy care about me and not just do the bare minimum if even.

 

[Exit-Life]

I usually cope with alcohol and/or drugs. If you're not into that, try listening to some music, watching a movie. I know how you feel and I'm sorry I can't help further.

 

[Covalite]

I usually cope with alcohol and/or drugs. If you're not into that, try listening to some music, watching a movie. I know how you feel and I'm sorry I can't help further.

I don't do drugs or alcohol for a multitude of reasons. I've watched some of my favorite tv shows and listened to music today but it just sounds muddy and looks grey. Its like the life is sucked out of everything but me in my tiny ass apartment. I appreciate the advice though so thank you. Hope your day was at least tolerable.

 

[Exit-Life]

Thank you and you're welcome. Birthdays can suck but you're very young, better times may come. Maybe try going for a walk, sometimes being inside can make things worse.
Also, happy birthday.

 

[samishii]

I don't do drugs or alcohol for a multitude of reasons. I've watched some of my favorite tv shows and listened to music today but it just sounds muddy and looks grey. Its like the life is sucked out of everything but me in my tiny ass apartment. I appreciate the advice though so thank you. Hope your day was at least tolerable.

I have had a tons of days like that. What works as a solution? Nothing. But Alcohol is sth that helps me.

 

[Covalite]

I have had a tons of days like that. What works as a solution? Nothing. But Alcohol is sth that helps me.

Alcohol from my experince would make me very easy to be SA/R***ed also I'm on medications and HRT so it probably would just make me ill and make my mental health worse.

 

[TapeMachine]

Alcohol exacerbates my depression and my impulsivity, and I do not need help making either of those worse than they already are. Heh.. So I'm with you: I just don't drink.

I'm sorry that your bday has been so shitty though. I hope you atleast get to have happy dreams whenever you go to sleep this evening.

For what it's worth: Happy Birthday, Covalite ❤

 

[Covalite]

Alcohol exacerbates my depression and my impulsivity, and I do not need help making either of those worse than they already are. Heh.. So I'm with you: I just don't drink.

I'm sorry that your bday has been so shitty though. I hope you atleast get to have happy dreams whenever you go to sleep this evening.

For what it's worth: Happy Birthday, Covalite ❤

Thanks and yeah dreams are my one escape from reality that is always relaible. I am realy good at constiantly getting lucid dreams so I often create really peaceful pleasant scenarios. I did this by keeping a dream jornal for years. Now i dont need one anymore i just simple think about my dream in bed for a bit before i get up. If you can consitaly rember dreams for over a day you should be able to reconsise dreams and trigger a lucid dream. At least thats what i read as a kid and it has worked most of my life. I learned how to do it due to a need of restful sleep because of constant nightmares/terrors.

 

[TapeMachine]

Thanks and yeah dreams are my one escape from reality that is always relaible. I am realy good at constiantly getting lucid dreams so I often create really peaceful pleasant scenarios. I did this by keeping a dream jornal for years. Now i dont need one anymore i just simple think about my dream in bed for a bit before i get up. If you can consitaly rember dreams for over a day you should be able to reconsise dreams and trigger a lucid dream. At least thats what i read as a kid and it has worked most of my life. I learned how to do it due to a need of restful sleep because of constant nightmares/terrors.

Oh man, that makes me miss lucid dreaming so much! The only way I'd ever been able to trigger them was during a period of about a year when I had been experiencing sleep paralysis weekly, sometimes daily.

I pretty much had to learn to "make friends with the beast", as I call it. The SP was so terrifying at first; but after I learned what it was all about, I was able to remain calm as soon as I recognized, "oh hey, this is sleep paralysis again; no worries." Then I'd focus with all of my ability on whatever dreamland I wanted to visit, and I'd eventually end up there instead of the nightmare. It was a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, I've never been able to trigger lucid dreaming otherwise. And I couldn't accurately tell you the last time I had SP...maybe 6+ years ago??

That's awesome that you have the ability to lucid dream whenever you feel like it!

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound really tiring what you have to go through, there certainly is no relief from suffering to be found in this cruel world. But anyway, best wishes, I personally hate what birthdays represent which is yet another year spent here.