TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,686
I've always had this notion of life isn't worth living if it isn't fun or if there is more suffering than there is of pleasure. It has always held true for me, from childhood to adolescence to adulthood (present day). In the last decade (my 20's) I've always had an indifference towards life, maybe there were times where I enjoyed life briefly, but then it faded away quickly while there were times where life was shit (horrible and wanting to CTB and all).

So with that said, given how the world is and will become in the future, here is my 10th (tenth) reason for wanting to CTB. The reason is that the world sucks, it may eventually become untenable, and the things I find joy in may no longer be (reasonably, easily) attainable as they once were. I'm also not a fan of change, especially change that works against my interests, goes against my favors, and more. I could not imagine living in an world that is heavily surveilled (under heavy surveillance) and that our freedoms, rights, and privileges or what was once fun was becoming stripped away with the new shitty life becoming the new norm. I also feared the diminishing availability of reliable and relatively painless methods becoming more difficult to acquire, to access, and such. One day being that even the most reliable (and relatively painless) methods of self-deliverance or CTB, would be near impossible to obtain or just downright restricted and/or illegal for normal use. That alone is unsettling, which pushes me closer to end things sooner than later.

Take another example. Suppose someone who grew up in the 70's or 80's, well before zero tolerance policies were introduced into schools and what not. Back then, even before mass shootings and stuff, people used to be able to freely joke around stuff and/or even play cops and robbers as little kids. Nowadays that is no longer an option nor the norm or the case (even less so for digitarians/generation Z (people who were born after 1997 or in the 2000's)). As someone who grew up in the 90's, well that was when the zero tolerance policies and the seriousness of even playing IRL with toy guns is considered taboo and/or resulted in disciplinary action (at best) or even potentially criminal action (worst cases). While I'm no longer in primary school or in school in general, I do see a trend of how things are going that will be worse after generation Z and possibly future generations, where the things we once found to be fun and natural are being criminalized, shamed, stigmatized all in the name of law and order, safety and security, but I digress.

To put things into more specifics, I will use the Covid-19/Coronavirus pandemic as an example. Before all of this affected the world especially in the US (before early March 2020 that is), the older traditions of human interactions were present and around (physical affection, intimacy, closeness, and all -- the stuff that gives me a little bit of lifefuel, a little bit of holding onto life a bit longer, just tolerating existence a little bit longer, etc.) are then changed. It became (potentially) dangerous to even hug, handshake, or kiss, or anything that involves physical interaction with another human being. As one of my fellow SS members on here, @TiredHorse once said, human beings by default are social creatures and to take that aspect of humanity away would greatly harm the human's emotional and mental well-being. Of course, this is just one facet of a world becoming less tenable over time, there are so many more too.

Looking back, I oftenly see about how much freedom and joy has been eroded day by day, gradually and gradually with our rights as citizens being diminished over time, things sucking in general, and most of all, one of my worst fears is losing the ability or means to go out on my own terms (reliably and as painlessly as possible).
 
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DoNotLet2

DoNotLet2

Wizard
Oct 14, 2019
684
Sorry I don't understand a thing. Could you be a little clearer?
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,686
Sorry I don't understand a thing. Could you be a little clearer?
Basically what I said was due to how the world has become and the changes over many years (oftenly for the worst) and likely to be even worse, that is yet another reason for my wanting to CTB. I don't wish to live in a world that becomes unbearable (worse than what it currently is).

Which part specifically aren't you clear on?
 
DoNotLet2

DoNotLet2

Wizard
Oct 14, 2019
684
Every part XD
I thought it was about you like something happened to you but it's like world has become impossible to live?
I think I have to agree. I'm 18 and when I see what I am supposed to achieve before I'm 40 it's insane! Not possible to achieve in 22 years.
 
Painpleasure

Painpleasure

Student
Apr 9, 2019
108
Man OP you write so much. Maybe you can write a suicidal novel and donate the proceeds to helping this site up.
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,686
@DoNotLet2 Ok, I'll summarize in several sentences and try to be as concise as possible. First off, to answer your question, yes the world has become more and more unbearable for me.

To start things off, I'm a person who enjoys experiencing pleasure and fun, so if something isn't fun or pleasurable for me, then it's not worth pursuing.

The next point is that in the past (when compared to present day), we as a society was freer (think before 9/11, before Columbine, or any of the shit we had today) and people were generally nicer, less confrontational and suspicious, more civil, etc.

The last point was about how the world would change in a negative way (due to Covid-19/Coronavirus pandemic) such that I won't be able to enjoy living (whatever joy is left would be gone) due to losing one of the important things that keeps me going and it's the physical affection and intimacy from others.

So in summary, what I'm saying is that the world has only become worse and less lovingly and before it becomes even more untenable, by ctb'ing sooner than later, it would save me a lot of (potential) pain. Sure I may miss out any potential things of getting better or new stuff (which is a risk I'm ok with), at least I'm guaranteed to not suffer in the future.

@Painpleasure Yeah, I have a lot on my mind. I speak a lot partly to cope knowing that this community is the only one that really understands where I'm coming from without judgment, censorship, risks of incarceration and persecution, etc. Then also I find that before I CTB, at least someone or some people here may find it useful so that one day our vision of pro-choice will be a reality. As for writing and publishing such a novel, well that may be too risky for me as I don't wish to get doxxed or blow my identity to my IRL things.
 
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DoNotLet2

DoNotLet2

Wizard
Oct 14, 2019
684
You could really write a book dude XD

Yeah people don't care about relationships, they don't make them deep and they are left outside alone.
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,686
You could really write a book dude XD

Yeah people don't care about relationships, they don't make them deep and they are left outside alone.
I suppose I could, but for now, I just want to make peace with everything, wait for this pandemic to end, then proceed with my plan to CTB. I have enough on my plate for now.
 
RegretedFeeling

RegretedFeeling

Student
Mar 21, 2021
103
If your reading this, your not missing anything!!
 

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