Musings of indecision

[cherry7]

When the voice for CTB is equal to the voice of hope for something else. And they come and go like ships in the breeze from one minute to the next. Worry. That it's wrong to exit. But not seeing any progress towards things being better either. Perpetually in the middle. But the voice for something else is fading. It doesn't have so much power anymore. It's becoming a mere whisper. Hard to hold onto the memory of wanting something else. I wonder what it takes to finally be ready. I wonder if there will come a point I will feel that or if I will have to come to that point on my own.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I've seen some people say they are just drawn to death. I've felt the determination to have it before.

I don't think it's wrong to die. Morally, I mean. Not every philosophy and religion has always condemned suicide, it's Christianity that permeated itself into our culture that makes it so taboo now. As for what happens after, there's no way to know. You just have to accept that.

It's indecision that causes the most misery. Those who are certain about death have made peace, at least. Have you heard that before someone commits suicide, they are seemingly happy right before it? You either have to choose recovery and brush the suicidal thoughts away, or choose death and brush the fear away. Prolonging the decision only causes more suffering.

Best of luck to you! I hope you find happiness

 

[cherry7]

I've seen some people say they are just drawn to death. I've felt the determination to have it before.

I don't think it's wrong to die. Morally, I mean. Not every philosophy and religion has always condemned suicide, it's Christianity that permeated itself into our culture that makes it so taboo now. As for what happens after, there's no way to know. You just have to accept that.

It's indecision that causes the most misery. Those who are certain about death have made peace, at least. Have you heard that before someone commits suicide, they are seemingly happy right before it? You either have to choose recovery and brush the suicidal thoughts away, or choose death and brush the fear away. Prolonging the decision only causes more suffering.

Best of luck to you! I hope you find happiness

Thank you for your words and reassurance. I think I'll have to be in indecision until I know one way or another. I don't believe it's a good idea to rush my decision just because indecision is uncomfortable. It's the biggest decision of my life!

 

[jackrussell023]

I have days where I think i should do some things that could start building hope for the future, then when in comes time to actually do, it's all too hard and easier to drink and netflix the day away. I've totally lost what hope I had before getting divorced and the alternative (ctb) sits there popping up as an option. I'm in a place where I'm comfortably uncomfortable, in that it's easier to continue as current than do something that points to an unknown future.