Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
I came upon one of my old books, Murphy's Law Complete. I always get a good laugh out of it so I though I should share some of the laws.
Murphy's law: If anything can go wrong, it will. The extended Murphy's law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Richard's complementary rules of ownership: 1) If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. 2) If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no longer accessible.
Law of selective gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Ehrman's commentary: 1) Things will get worse before they get better. 2) Who said things will get better?
Pudders law: Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse.
Zymurgy's first law of evolving systems dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
Non-reciprocal laws of expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
Rule of feeline frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Schmidt's law: If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Cahn's axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Jenkinson's law: It won't work.
Truman's law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Cheops' law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Katz's law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Steele's plagiarism of somebody's philosophy: Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Jones' motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Lynch's law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Grossman's misquote of H.L. Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand, wrong answers.
Imbesi's law of the conservation of filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. Freeman's extension: ... but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
Ferguson's precept: A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing".
The unapplicable law: Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
The cardinal conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
Liberman's law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
Green's law of debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Hlade's law: If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way to do it.
Wise fan's lament: Fools rush in – and get the best seats.
Breda's rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Femo's law of automative engine repairing: If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
Van Roy's law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Jacob's law: To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.
Ruckert's law: Nothing is so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.
The rule of law: If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.
Wilkie's law: A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
Lowe's law: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
Thompson's theorem: When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Murphy's law: If anything can go wrong, it will. The extended Murphy's law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Richard's complementary rules of ownership: 1) If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. 2) If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no longer accessible.
Law of selective gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Ehrman's commentary: 1) Things will get worse before they get better. 2) Who said things will get better?
Pudders law: Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse.
Zymurgy's first law of evolving systems dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
Non-reciprocal laws of expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
Rule of feeline frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Schmidt's law: If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Cahn's axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Jenkinson's law: It won't work.
Truman's law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Cheops' law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Katz's law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Steele's plagiarism of somebody's philosophy: Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Jones' motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Lynch's law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Grossman's misquote of H.L. Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand, wrong answers.
Imbesi's law of the conservation of filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. Freeman's extension: ... but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
Ferguson's precept: A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing".
The unapplicable law: Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
The cardinal conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
Liberman's law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
Green's law of debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Hlade's law: If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way to do it.
Wise fan's lament: Fools rush in – and get the best seats.
Breda's rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Femo's law of automative engine repairing: If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
Van Roy's law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Jacob's law: To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.
Ruckert's law: Nothing is so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.
The rule of law: If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.
Wilkie's law: A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
Lowe's law: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
Thompson's theorem: When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
