Caspers

Caspers

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Jun 23, 2020
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I have milk of magnesia as I often have stomach acid problems due to my anxiety. I used to have three cartons of milk of magnesia, now I have none. Thankfully my SN is still here but my stomach is churning and causing a lot of discomfort. I don't think a lock in my room is enough. I'm 24, give me some privacy please
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

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Aug 19, 2019
3,299
Why the fuck is she stealing your medicine? She thinks you will off yourself with antacid? That's some cray cray there
 
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Caspers

Caspers

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Jun 23, 2020
403
Why the fuck is she stealing your medicine? She thinks you will off yourself with antacid? That's some cray cray there
Yep, I think she's dealing with some issues about me. I asked her if she's seen them and she denied it, so now I'm wondering whether I misplaced them. But they always went to the same place, so I doubt that I'd misplace all three
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
Yep, I think she's dealing with some issues about me. I asked her if she's seen them and she denied it, so now I'm wondering whether I misplaced them. But they always went to the same place, so I doubt that I'd misplace all three

That's gaslighting, quite clear. Don't let it fuck with your mind
 
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Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,565
Sorry to hear that, that's horrible. Can't you lock your room when you're not there? She's literally stealing your medication?!
 
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VIBRITANNIA

VIBRITANNIA

lelouch. any pronouns. pfp is by pixiv id 3217872.
Aug 10, 2020
1,156
that's such an awful thing to do. can you hide it somewhere else/lock it somewhere? you shouldn't even have to put a lock on your things in the first place; you deserve your privacy.
 
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Caspers

Caspers

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Jun 23, 2020
403
Sorry to hear that, that's horrible. Can't you lock your room when you're not there? She's literally stealing your medication?!

I don't always lock it as I have a coral tank and my dad likes to go in. I lock it if I go out without her, but it's easy to forget. I just don't understand why she would confiscate milk of magnesia, I don't know whether I moved them and forgot. Last time she searched my room she admitted when I confronted her, but this time I asked her whether she's seen them and she denied it so I'm unsure. My anxiety meds are still here thankfully
that's such an awful thing to do. can you hide it somewhere else/lock it somewhere? you shouldn't even have to put a lock on your things in the first place; you deserve your privacy.

She searched my room in the spring, thankfully my SN was still in the post then. Now I have a lock and the SN is very well hidden. When you're not used to locking your room, it's easy to forget. Or maybe she could search when I'm distracted downstairs
 
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Ghost2211

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Jan 20, 2020
6,017
Is it possible to move out, or work in the direction of moving out? It sounds like her behavior is really overly controlling.
 
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Caspers

Caspers

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Jun 23, 2020
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Is it possible to move out, or work in the direction of moving out? It sounds like behavioral is really overly controlling.

I have thought about it, but I am a disabled adult with no job and very few friends other than family friends. Moving out would be a massive strain financially and psychologically. My town is very expensive to live in so I'd need to live in the city where I don't know a soul. Moving out would be my demise and I am still giving life a chance for now
 
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Ghost2211

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Jan 20, 2020
6,017
I have thought about it, but I am a disabled adult with no job and very few friends other than family friends. Moving out would be a massive strain financially and psychologically. My town is very expensive to live in so I'd need to live in the city where I don't know a soul. Moving out would be my demise and I am still giving life a chance for now
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like there is no simple solutions, but then again I can very much relate. What if you got a small safe or a lockbox to put in your room for the things you want to keep her out of?
 
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Caspers

Caspers

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Jun 23, 2020
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I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like there is no simple solutions, but then again I can very much relate. What if you got a small safe or a lockbox to put in your room for the things you want to keep her out of?

My dad suggested that, he's against her going through my stuff. I think that would be the safest thing to do, although annoying as I would prefer to have easy access to my stuff. I seriously don't understand why she can't respect my boundaries
 
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Ghost2211

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Jan 20, 2020
6,017
My dad suggested that, he's against her going through my stuff. I think that would be the safest thing to do, although annoying as I would prefer to have easy access to my stuff. I seriously don't understand why she can't respect my boundaries
Certain types of people will never respect boundaries, and those of us that can understand boundaries will never fully understand why they can't. In the end you're wasting your time trying to understand somebody that controlling. protecting yourself is definitely the best option.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,727
Hmm, if you don't want the hassle of a lock box, there are a couple of alternatives I can think of.

These are my suggestions, I hope something helps:

The first is to consider logical consequences if she violates your request and enters your room without asking. One could be to booby trap things. I'm not sure what other consequences would be a logical outcome for the boundary violation. A boundary needs limits or consequences or it has no impact on someone who doesn't want to respect it.

The second is a trick I use when I travel. I thought of this after I had an Airbnb host enter an apartment while I was out. A shoelace might work, but it needs to be slick if the door jamb is rough, otherwise it will stick. I use a bra strap or a tank top strap that I cut off. As I close the door jamb, I tuck in the strap two or more times, close it all the way, and take a photo. When I return, I have the photo as proof if it has been messed with, but since then, no matter where I stay, it's never been moved as it's a strong deterrent for people who are nosey (and also a warning to me that I would need someone to enter the space with me for protection if it had been messed with or removed). If your dad is in agreement, then when he enters the room while you're out, he needs to replace the string when he leaves the room and send you the new picture, otherwise he can't enter, either.

Personally, I wouldn't even tell your mom, just tell your dad and then start doing it. It will give her serious pause when she sees it, and she will not be able to put it back exactly as it was. If she overrides it, you will have proof with the photo, and you can then tell her to return what she took, and tell her if she does it again, there will be ______ logical consequence, and follow through on the consequence. Maybe your dad can help you come up with one if you can't, but enforcing it needs to come from you, not him.

The next logical step if she continues to violate the boundary even after the consequence would be to install a lock on the door without asking either of them or giving a warning, something like a hook you can put a combo lock on. Then your dad can also no longer enter when you're not there, he loses the privilege, which he should be fine with if he respects your boundary more than he wants to see the coral tank.

She can argue, rage, cajole about any of it, but I would recommend to stay firm and don't be swayed, just have a simple one-sentence statement you calmly repeat like a broken record. Hopefully your dad will back you up, but it's not necessary. They both need to respect the boundary, and be responsible for managing their own behaviors and emotions. It may be their property you're installing the lock on, but she's not respecting your property and autonomy, and you are an adult and have the right to protect yourself and your property.
 
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