Help Moving tips?

[Life_and_Death]

I'm in an abusive situation and the person I'm moving away from "doesn't know"** and the person I'm moving in with also doesn't know.

I have to tell the person I'm moving in with so he can clean out my room. (yes he doesn't know however considering he explicitly built me my own room at a time he wasn't sure if he'd see me again, I think it's pretty safe to assume its cool. "no you can't use your room" lol. Plus several years ago he tried to coerce me into moving in.)

Now the biggest problem, the person I'm moving away from. I've seriously wanted to leave for a year now. I've wanted to seriously leave for more then a year, but only in this past year did my bpd not kick and change my mind or maybe it's not that bad. I can't move... He won't let me. He says I can but his actions won't allow me. I have no idea how to move away. This is my first place away from my parents. I have no idea what I'm doing. He's the opposite of any help always pointing out the negatives and why I shouldnt. He's a gaslighting fuck and I just want it to be over. I've been slowly packing things. Slowly working on it. My bpd use to be a huge problem, I'd only be able to pack about 1/2 a box before completely breaking down in tears and having to stop for several months. Now, given the chance I can be gone in a weekend. But I can't talk to him. As far as he's concerned he doesn't even know I'm moving even though I've told him many times. I don't have the breath to repeat myself nor the emotional capacity to handle his gaslightling from having to deal with it. Problem, I have no idea when or how to move. I've given myself a couple more months to move (the end of June my limit) but I'm reaching a point where he's going to notice and I can't up and do it all in one day, I can't talk about to him about it, I have myself and 2 high anxiety cats, we're going to be traveling about 5hrs. If I could I'd just tell him to go to work without me then leave but I don't have time for that.

I don't have time to just leave and I don't have the emotional abilities to deal with talking to him.
Aside from not saying a word and just waiting for him to ask what's up, I have no idea what to do. Anyone else leave an abusive situation?
I don't want to tell the person I'm moving in with too soon because it might fall through. But he needs time to clean out my room. And he doesnt know about the situation at all.he doesnt even know of my mental problems and one to keep it this way. Also a uhaul is going to be 350$ for 2 days and I can barely afford that. The entire situation is complicated and time restricted...

**bullshit, he so fucking knows just is in denial about it and s*x doesn't mean things are fine.

 

[batcountry]

I obviously don't know all of the details of your situation so I have no idea how relevant this will be, but I also left my abuser without them being aware that I was leaving. I left the majority of my stuff behind so they wouldn't catch on. I also didn't have anywhere to go which was a horrible idea that I would not recommend unless you're in a life-or-death situation like I was, but honestly even then I'd think about it because things will never be the same afterwards.

Anyway, if I were you I would talk to this person you're thinking about moving in with as soon as possible and try to make sure things are settled there as much as they possibly can be. I also have bpd and I really can not recommend enough how important it is to do everything in your power to not upset anyone you're staying with during this time of escaping even though I'm aware that's extremely difficult to do when you're in a new environment and are trying to recover from years of abuse. It's such a horrible thing to go through but trust me, you don't want to be on the streets or have to go back to your abuser to avoid homelessness. As far as actually achieving that goes, I didn't go to therapy during the period after I ran away and that was when I had the majority of my really awful breakdowns, I know this advice probably sounds dumb but if you're going to be living with someone I do recommend trying to see a therapist if you can because I honestly think if I had had somewhere to talk about everything going on then the situations I'd been in wouldn't have been as bad and I wouldn't have been so at ends with everyone around me which would have saved me from a few awful situations.

As far as actually getting your stuff goes, I'm honestly not sure. My abuser would have tried to kill me if they saw me trying to leave. I just took a few clothes and that was it. It was horrible to try to live with such little things like food or clothes and of course, leaving everything I cared about behind too, but at this point, years later, I just don't really care about any of the stuff anymore. It really is difficult to not have clothes or anything during that initial period though, but I guess it's better than being dead. Again, I'm really not sure if anything I said here will be applicable to you because every situation is so different, but when I left my abusive situation this is what I did personally. I do think it would be good to be honest with the person you're moving in with, though. Whatever you decide I hope things work out for you, I'm truly sorry you're in this situation.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I obviously don't know all of the details of your situation so I have no idea how relevant this will be, but I also left my abuser without them being aware that I was leaving. I left the majority of my stuff behind so they wouldn't catch on. I also didn't have anywhere to go which was a horrible idea that I would not recommend unless you're in a life-or-death situation like I was, but honestly even then I'd think about it because things will never be the same afterwards.

Anyway, if I were you I would talk to this person you're thinking about moving in with as soon as possible and try to make sure things are settled there as much as they possibly can be. I also have bpd and I really can not recommend enough how important it is to do everything in your power to not upset anyone you're staying with during this time of escaping even though I'm aware that's extremely difficult to do when you're in a new environment and are trying to recover from years of abuse. It's such a horrible thing to go through but trust me, you don't want to be on the streets or have to go back to your abuser to avoid homelessness. As far as actually achieving that goes, I didn't go to therapy during the period after I ran away and that was when I had the majority of my really awful breakdowns, I know this advice probably sounds dumb but if you're going to be living with someone I do recommend trying to see a therapist if you can because I honestly think if I had had somewhere to talk about everything going on then the situations I'd been in wouldn't have been as bad and I wouldn't have been so at ends with everyone around me which would have saved me from a few awful situations.

As far as actually getting your stuff goes, I'm honestly not sure. My abuser would have tried to kill me if they saw me trying to leave. I just took a few clothes and that was it. It was horrible to try to live with such little things like food or clothes and of course, leaving everything I cared about behind too, but at this point, years later, I just don't really care about any of the stuff anymore. It really is difficult to not have clothes or anything during that initial period though, but I guess it's better than being dead. Again, I'm really not sure if anything I said here will be applicable to you because every situation is so different, but when I left my abusive situation this is what I did personally. I do think it would be good to be honest with the person you're moving in with, though. Whatever you decide I hope things work out for you, I'm truly sorry you're in this situation.

I'm sorry you had to go through that but I really appreciate your input

I plan on having about a week of saying "I don't want to talk about it" but I plan on getting my stuff if I have to get the cops involved and he knows I've threatened my own parents with the cops and he also knows he doesn't want the cops involved. If he doesn't know I'll have no problem reminding him that its my way or the highway (blackmail). My biggest problem with him is gaslighting.
I have a therapist and plan on restarting that after I move. I also have several other things like my medication and possibly going to rehab if I feel it necessary.

Right now the biggest problem I seem to be facing is I plan on going out of province for a year because it's the only place I have to go for now (no family or friends). But the government has to be a d*ck about residency so I can only leave for 5 months before losing residency which becomes a concern for keeping my doc. I'm going to have to try to figure that out. Maybe email someone.