Most patronising sh** someone has told you

[RedHarlequin]

This question is inspired by my inability to differentiate between ok/toxic people during my depressive phases fueled by my low self esteem.

For me:

My psychiatrist 2 days after suicide attempt she didn't know about (gave my stuff away, wrote notes and went to hang myself in the Forrest w/o anyone knowing): " Surely it can't be that bad, you still have appetite and are taking care of your looks. Besides, if it was that bad you couldn't have finished med school." Then she followed by thisnultimate gem- depression is not nearly as bad as pain, hunger or war, so I shouldn't even think about suicide. I had mad respect for that women before, so hearing this come from her mouth was so much suicide fuel.

My mom gave me to away to my grandma as I was 1 y/o. My grandma never left the house, so I never saw other children. Besides that my mom knew that my grandma was a shit option, she used to tell me "the way I brought you up was nothing compared to how I was brought up.. your grandma (insert a horror story here)..
Anyways as I first started bringing this up around the age of 16, my mother would just tell me how brave and independent I was..like dude I was one.. as I later in started realising this is probably the thing that messed me up the most (during my education it was talked a lot about attachment in 1st years of kids life).. I'd love for her to realize that I'm not just some fucked up black sheep, some biological depression, admit her mistakes, it would help me move on.. I guess it's gonna take time to unfuck this fuckery and I might never get the heartfelt apology I am craving so much.m

 

[SleepingLessons]

my mother would just tell me how brave and independent I was

Oof, gotta love when parents compliment you on shit that they caused with trauma. Sounds like a great mum /s. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Probably the most patronising I've had was going in for ED treatment at 17 and the therapist explaining basic nutrients to me. Like my disorder was caused by a fundamental lack of understanding how food works as opposed to trauma and other mental health issues? Fucking strange. Oh great I've been told that carbs are a necessary energy source for the 100th time in my life, guess I'm cured now...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think the one that gets me the most is: 'Cheer up/smile- it may never happen.' It's usually from people who don't know you at all. Why would you even say that to someone without knowing their situation? Literally ANYTHING could be going on in their life.

Both your above examples are shocking- especially since they came from supposed 'professionals.'

 

[LateForTheBus]

A nurse told me after a failed attempt, "You're too pretty to be depressed." Umm...thanks? I mean, really?! Like mental illness cares about age, ethnicity, height, weight, physical attractiveness, etc. Ugh! (That happened 10 years, 50 lbs, and less physical ailments ago. She probably wouldn't say that to me now.)

 

[Nortu]

Either its being found out to have s/h and purge and being blamed for it. Got both my mother and my grandmother to stand there and loudly shame me for doing such. Saying things such as "how do you think this makes me feel" or "You said you liked this item of food" and so on.
Secondly going through 3 years with the same "friend" whom would constantly coment how I could just choose which groups to join (boy and girl based groups). Or being called a birth freak just plainly. When asked about something and my opinion wasn`t the same as his the response was "but thats just cause you`re trans"
Dont have lot of extremly bad experienes `cause almost no one talks to me anyways :/

 

[leloyon]

When people assume things about me when they know nothing.
"I know what you're capable of" in particular. Oh, do you? You think I'm not capable of splattering my brains all over my wall? Maybe you'll feel different when you find I've proven you wrong.

 

[StolenLife]

One time a psychiatrist thought that I'm completely normal and well just because I laughed about something with my mum a few minutes ago.ž
Also a nurse at a child psychology clinic told me that I'm making my trauma up after I opened up about my bullying.

 

[unnormal9]

"Can't even kill urself right."

 

[sannoji]

definitely the generic "it will get better" still annoys me the most

 

[Ringo]

I'm really sorry for what you went through, it's reprehensible for parents to make their children go through it as a way of getting even because they had a bad upbringing.

" Surely it can't be that bad, you still have appetite and are taking care of your looks. Besides, if it was that bad you couldn't have finished med school.

One of the first things my parents and I were told when I received care was that there are many degrees of depression that allow you to be "functional," especially in middle school contexts, where getting acceptable or above average grades is not that difficult. . I find it sad that there are so many professionals who act in this way just to get rid of a patient they see as "problematic". After the pandemic, unfortunately, they grew in number and that is why the mental health system has not made any progress, since they do not offer any real knowledge nor do they seem to treat the problem as such.

"You can't be in that state, your performance in all your courses and grades are excellent." That's one of the reasons I ended up like this, "You have a bright future ahead of you, it would be a waste for you to try to do that.", "You don't have to worry, we will find a good husband for you", I don't want to hear that kind of stuff, even less coming from people who tried to justify my existence by squeezing me or wanting to use me as a bargaining chip just because I wasn't planned.

 

[Hirokami]

Toxic positivity is so goddamn annoying. It sounds like your psychiatrist was trying to push "gratitude" on to you, and the worst kind at that. So many people tried to enforce that crap onto me, always one-upping me; whenever people do this, I consider it the most patronizing shit ever.

"Oh, I had it much worse than you did. At least you didn't have to go through x, y, and z. You had it good."

Hence why I seldom open up anymore. Too many people take it as an opportunity to talk about their issues instead and/or invalidate mine. What even is this arbitrary line, anyhow? What constitutes as "enough" suffering for validation? I could easily use similar logic against them and call it "practicing gratitude". See how they like it.

"Hey, I know your mom beat the shit out of you as a child, but at least you didn't grow up as a paraplegic in a war-torn country. Chin up, bud."

 

[Valky]

A nurse told me after a failed attempt, "You're too pretty to be depressed." Umm...thanks? I mean, really?! Like mental illness cares about age, ethnicity, height, weight, physical attractiveness, etc. Ugh! (That happened 10 years, 50 lbs, and less physical ailments ago. She probably wouldn't say that to me now.)

I feel this lmao. Not as bad as you tho. A doctor found out about my self harm because of some questions my mom had regarding it (don't blame her at all, don't get me wrong)

But the doc also proceeded to say: 'You're such a beautiful Young Girl, you don't need to self harm.' (Age 16 maybe)
I was truly dumbfounded.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Oof, gotta love when parents compliment you on shit that they caused with trauma. Sounds like a great mum /s. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Probably the most patronising I've had was going in for ED treatment at 17 and the therapist explaining basic nutrients to me. Like my disorder was caused by a fundamental lack of understanding how food works as opposed to trauma and other mental health issues? Fucking strange. Oh great I've been told that carbs are a necessary energy source for the 100th time in my life, guess I'm cured now...

Thank you for those two sentences! They make me feel seen and validate my emotions :) I am 30 already, feels so weird even writing this. Never thought I'd be alive this long, but I feel like I have missed so many parts of normal life and development due to Depression these events from the past have caused me. In some aspects of life, a 4 yo would do better than I..

I'm really sorry for what you went through, it's reprehensible for parents to make their children go through it as a way of getting even because they had a bad upbringing.

One of the first things my parents and I were told when I received care was that there are many degrees of depression that allow you to be "functional," especially in middle school contexts, where getting acceptable or above average grades is not that difficult. . I find it sad that there are so many professionals who act in this way just to get rid of a patient they see as "problematic". After the pandemic, unfortunately, they grew in number and that is why the mental health system has not made any progress, since they do not offer any real knowledge nor do they seem to treat the problem as such.

"You can't be in that state, your performance in all your courses and grades are excellent." That's one of the reasons I ended up like this, "You have a bright future ahead of you, it would be a waste for you to try to do that.", "You don't have to worry, we will find a good husband for you", I don't want to hear that kind of stuff, even less coming from people who tried to justify my existence by squeezing me or wanting to use me as a bargaining chip just because I wasn't planned.

It was extremely strange.. she was a Professor and one of the Chairs of Psychiatry at a University I was studying medicine at at that time. I had previously raised my general concerns about the mental health of medical students at my Uni. She was surprised by my statement. A year later (which has nothing to do with what she said) my friend out of a group of 10 people we had been studying together with for last 6 years (seeing each other much more than we would see our friends or parents) killed herself.
It just..I don't know.. I suppose it made me lose my faith on humanity.
This is a lot of text, sorry. I don't want tonsepant the rest of my time in here on earth just complaing. Bur it felt like a good time to get it out..

 

[Saudade]

The day after my failed attempt one of my closest friend said that I should've died.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Oof, gotta love when parents compliment you on shit that they caused with trauma. Sounds like a great mum /s. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Probably the most patronising I've had was going in for ED treatment at 17 and the therapist explaining basic nutrients to me. Like my disorder was caused by a fundamental lack of understanding how food works as opposed to trauma and other mental health issues? Fucking strange. Oh great I've been told that carbs are a necessary energy source for the 100th time in my life, guess I'm cured now...

I hear you. The eating disorder recovery system seems to me to be extremely out of touch with reality, concentrating mostly on weight gain and management. Seems like only a few specialists realize that the disorder goes far beyond that and even fewer know how to implement it in the treatment regime. I was quite disgusted as I saw one of those movies/docus about ED, where a patient had a birthday and was presented with a this fat chocolate cake from the staff.. FFS.