Morning makes me want to die

[downndone2]

Every morning I wake up alone in a bed I spend 90% of my time in due to crippling anxiety and depression that leaves me isolated. I lost most everything years ago, ruined relationships, just fucked everything up. Now, I'm back into consequences of my fucked up choices.

I have a gun but afraid to use it. I just know ctb is my only choice out of this and it is going to leave people cleaning up my shit. I just cannot go on though. It is awful
I never wanted to use sn but am starting to look into it with the way my si with gun feels. Got onto CCS and it looks like they stopped selling it. I searched for nitrite and nothing comes up. Anyone know of this? Can someone provide me with alternative sites other than IC?
Fent and N has always been preferred method if anyone has reliable sources for Fent...

Sorry to post so much, I hate my existence

 

[dumpstermagic]

all u gotta do to get dope is go ask some homeless people

 

[SilentSadness]

That sounds terrible, I feel the same way. Morning really is such a curse and the fact I have to survive for another day is the worst thing. I don't blame you for not wanting to use the gun; it's such a brutal method and it's so evil that we're forced to use that kind of method. I wish to stop my existence as well so I hope you find some peace in this nightmare.

 

[hellispink]

Mornings are the worst. I feel so empty and destroyed as soon as I open my eyes. It feels so heavy.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes, I savor the darkness… I wish it was dark and rainy all the time

 

[downndone2]

Mornings are the worst. I feel so empty and destroyed as soon as I open my eyes. It feels so heavy.

Same

all u gotta do to get dope is go ask some homeless people

It isn't that easy or at least not where I'm at.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

starting the day miserable is awful, im sorry you feel like that every morning. i feel you, im the same way. anxiety is basically my alarm clock and i dread having to go through another day. nothing to look forward to, plenty to fear. waking up in the morning sucks because its like getting revived after being sorta dead when asleep

 

[downndone2]

Yes, I savor the darkness… I wish it was dark and rainy all the time















Me too.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really hate waking up and realising that I'm still here. It's a curse to have the ability to exist in this world, it certainly shouldn't be so difficult for us to finally exit this world. If only the option of peacefully passing away in our sleep was there then that would be ideal.

 

[novem]

I can completely understand, feeling the same each morning.
I imagine it ends up like this:
covid --> recession --> war --> mass suicides

 

[downndone2]

Every time of day I want to die really but morningbis the worst. I just can't keep going much longer

 

[AllMyDreams]

I want you to try doing two things:
1) Go to sleep at the same time every night, and get out of bed at the same time every morning (8 hours later).
2) After you get up, go for a ten-minute walk outside. Just around the block and back. Observe the world and notice things around you.
After that, feel free to go back to lying in bed as much as you want for the rest of the day.

I don't know your situation but these two *extremely* simple things can be the foundation for breaking a depressive cycle, in my experience. I used to sleep in a lot on weekends and just lie in bed depressed for hours, then I'd go straight to the computer and be depressed more... Whenever I go for a walk I instantly feel better (and then when I'm back on the computer I feel worse again).

You don't need to go to the gym or do anything that difficult to make progress, like some self-help gurus will tell you.

 

[Source Energy]

Yes, I savor the darkness… I wish it was dark and rainy all the time

it's raining hard and it's cold here today...good. I dread summer, with that soft breeze and happy sunshine, reminding me of a happiness I can't feel, of everything lost

 

[downndone2]

it's raining hard and it's cold here today...good. I dread summer, with that soft breeze and happy sunshine, reminding me of a happiness I can't feel, of everything lost




Same here

I want you to try doing two things:







1) Go to sleep at the same time every night, and get out of bed at the same time every morning (8 hours later).







2) After you get up, go for a ten-minute walk outside. Just around the block and back. Observe the world and notice things around you.







After that, feel free to go back to lying in bed as much as you want for the rest of the day.















I don't know your situation but these two *extremely* simple things can be the foundation for breaking a depressive cycle, in my experience. I used to sleep in a lot on weekends and just lie in bed depressed for hours, then I'd go straight to the computer and be depressed more... Whenever I go for a walk I instantly feel better (and then when I'm back on the computer I feel worse again).















You don't need to go to the gym or do anything that difficult to make progress, like some self-help gurus wi



I can't. I find myself of bed 98% of the time. I know I make things worse but I have absolutely no joy or happiness whatsoever.

 

[death song]

Yeah mornings are the worst for Me too. I wake up overwhelmed and anxiety ridden. I am going to try to start walking some first thing when I get up as soon as the weather is better. I think that might help me cope.

 

[Unending]

it's raining hard and it's cold here today...good. I dread summer, with that soft breeze and happy sunshine, reminding me of a happiness I can't feel, of everything lost

Yes, I savor the darkness… I wish it was dark and rainy all the time

I can't stand bright sunny days either and highly prefer gloomy weather. People talk about having seasonal depression and I feel like I have it in reverse lol.
Also, the morning is always the worst time of my day, without exception.

 

[AllMyDreams]

@downndone2 Just try for one day. You can do it!

 

[downndone2]

starting the day miserable is awful, im sorry you feel like that every morning. i feel you, im the same way. anxiety is basically my alarm clock and i dread having to go through another day. nothing to look forward to, plenty to fear. waking up in the morning sucks because its like getting revived after being sorta dead when asleep

I completely feel the same

@downndone2 Just try for one day. You can do it!

Sadly, I can't. Today was a beautiful day and I literally stayed in bed all day. The thought and act of walking outside my door makes me triggered and anxious

 

[AllMyDreams]

@downndone2 What are you anxious about? Is there a quiet place that you can go near you?

 

[downndone2]

@downndone2 What are you anxious about? Is there a quiet place that you can go near you?







I have awful anxiety over a long list of things. I rarely leave house, pretty much stay in bed. This has been on and off fIt's a big reason I want to ctb on top of the very long list of reasons that brought it on. I certainly have a severe case of agorophobia that goes along with my anxiety

yrs. It'

 

[AllMyDreams]

@downndone2 Got it... well if you'd ever like to talk and try and discuss strategies, send me a message!

 

[downndone2]

I've tried a list in the past. I really ruined my life and nothing is going to dig me out of this hell I'm in except death. My mistakes will continue to follow me until

 

[AllMyDreams]

I've tried a list in the past. I really ruined my life and nothing is going to dig me out of this hell I'm in except death. My mistakes will continue to follow me until

I can kind of relate, I actually can't do my chosen career because of mistakes I made in high school. These will stick with me for the rest of my life.

There are always other options for life, if you are willing to look hard enough. I truly believe that. But we can't really think about reorienting your life until we get you out of bed. Maybe start with just lying down on your couch in your living room for a few hours a day. Then once you're comfortable with that, sit outside on your doorstep for a few minutes (and play on your phone or something).

 

[downndone2]

I don't feel like I have any other options or choices. I lost everything after 40 yrs of age and it is too hard to start anew again. I'm pursuing a job and that is it but it won't make a difference

 

[AllMyDreams]

I don't feel like I have any other options or choices. I lost everything after 40 yrs of age and it is too hard to start anew again. I'm pursuing a job and that is it but it won't make a difference

That's awesome that you are pursuing a job. That is a big goal, and don't forget to set smaller goals that you could try, like the ones we discussed, because being more comfortable outside will help with your job.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I hate the mornings too. Especially after having been awake most of the night, like last night, I felt so bad this morning with depression I had to call the emergency crisis center. The doctor called me later and I told her I was so close to using my pills. I just wish I had the fucking guts to take them.