unperson
nontitle
- May 8, 2021
- 120
April.22.2021
Therapeutic Needs
I don't need invalidation. I need someone who will help me with working on making changes and maintaining hope for things that I actually believe are worth working on; things that I already see as reasonably plausible; such as regulating my sleep habits, cutting back on and regulating caffeine use (as well as other addictive habits such as junk-food-eating, excessive device/media/internet use, etc), maintaining a daily exercise habit, improving nutrition, improving time-management skills such as taking meds on a more time-consistent schedule, etc.
In regard to my work-capabilities I have too many examples of my behavioral- and executive-dysfunction—and not enough time spent discussing said examples despite all the therapy, perhaps due to my specialized semi-unconscious (and incidental) skill of being simultaneously precise and vague and also going on endless monotonous compulsive philosophical tangents that (unintentionally) divert the dialogue—too many examples and memories of my dysfunction to find it helpful—at least anytime in the near-future—to have my point of view disparaged or invalidatingly equated to some kind of cognitive distortion; presumed to be in need of the oh-so-perfectly-infallible CBT-reprogramming. I'm tempted to spend 10 or 20 thousand words doing my utmost best to conceptually tear apart the CBT-model (CBT; with the paradoxical quality; at least in my subjective perception of the general clinical and nonclinical subjective perceptions; of scientific, psychological, and secular, but nonetheless seemingly esoteric, flawless essence) but my motivation to tear it apart would really just be an emotional-reasoning based tantrum of feeling frustratingly invalidated, not to mention I've found a lot of use in creatively combining my knowledge of cognitive-distortions with mindfulness. Nonetheless if I were to make one critical comment about CBT it would be the need to add the inverse to the list: Catastrophizing/Romanticizing. Negative Filtering /Positive Filtering. Generalizing/Hyper-Focusing. Etcetera. A lot of times I think my cynicism is necessitated as a remedy for the obnoxious toxic optimism bias that rampantly permeates the kind of support-groups and -systems I frequent. Maybe I'll let go of my gloomy perspective if I can stop being so triggered by incessant optimism that I feel frequently bombarded with… See, that was a long-ass divergence just now. Anywho, my suspicion is that people often conflate intelligence, knowledge, and linguistic-acuity with overall competence. With that in mind, I couldn't be better set-up for perpetual relentless chronic invalidation. It's like some devious demi-god surgically constructed my brain to impair me in the precise way; with high intelligence, habituated philosophical-thought-pattern tendencies, a vast propensity for creativity; and also a chronic perniciously and exceedingly low level of physical energy, executive dysfunction, behavior-regulation-debilitation, anxiety, paranoia, avoidance habits, and the much enjoyable emotional instability. The only competence one should ascertain from a precise kind of competency is that precise kind of competency itself. If I'm articulate, creative, and intelligent that just means that I'm articulate, creative, and intelligent… You know what I'm not? Good at consistently remaining alert while driving (or being reliably continuously alert while doing anything really, despit the fucking forever-diminishingly-effective adderall and caffeine I pour down my throat) for more than a brief period of time; therefore not well-suited for driving related jobs or any more driving than that short intervals of it relating to typical errands. I'm also not good at dealing with interpersonal conflict… Or authority… Or handling too much stress without ending up in an overwhelmed exhausted state of 'fuck it I don't give a flying shit about any-fucking-thing anymore.' These things have remained true, for the last… hmm... for my entire fucking life thus-far… More or less.
Therapeutic Needs
I don't need invalidation. I need someone who will help me with working on making changes and maintaining hope for things that I actually believe are worth working on; things that I already see as reasonably plausible; such as regulating my sleep habits, cutting back on and regulating caffeine use (as well as other addictive habits such as junk-food-eating, excessive device/media/internet use, etc), maintaining a daily exercise habit, improving nutrition, improving time-management skills such as taking meds on a more time-consistent schedule, etc.
In regard to my work-capabilities I have too many examples of my behavioral- and executive-dysfunction—and not enough time spent discussing said examples despite all the therapy, perhaps due to my specialized semi-unconscious (and incidental) skill of being simultaneously precise and vague and also going on endless monotonous compulsive philosophical tangents that (unintentionally) divert the dialogue—too many examples and memories of my dysfunction to find it helpful—at least anytime in the near-future—to have my point of view disparaged or invalidatingly equated to some kind of cognitive distortion; presumed to be in need of the oh-so-perfectly-infallible CBT-reprogramming. I'm tempted to spend 10 or 20 thousand words doing my utmost best to conceptually tear apart the CBT-model (CBT; with the paradoxical quality; at least in my subjective perception of the general clinical and nonclinical subjective perceptions; of scientific, psychological, and secular, but nonetheless seemingly esoteric, flawless essence) but my motivation to tear it apart would really just be an emotional-reasoning based tantrum of feeling frustratingly invalidated, not to mention I've found a lot of use in creatively combining my knowledge of cognitive-distortions with mindfulness. Nonetheless if I were to make one critical comment about CBT it would be the need to add the inverse to the list: Catastrophizing/Romanticizing. Negative Filtering /Positive Filtering. Generalizing/Hyper-Focusing. Etcetera. A lot of times I think my cynicism is necessitated as a remedy for the obnoxious toxic optimism bias that rampantly permeates the kind of support-groups and -systems I frequent. Maybe I'll let go of my gloomy perspective if I can stop being so triggered by incessant optimism that I feel frequently bombarded with… See, that was a long-ass divergence just now. Anywho, my suspicion is that people often conflate intelligence, knowledge, and linguistic-acuity with overall competence. With that in mind, I couldn't be better set-up for perpetual relentless chronic invalidation. It's like some devious demi-god surgically constructed my brain to impair me in the precise way; with high intelligence, habituated philosophical-thought-pattern tendencies, a vast propensity for creativity; and also a chronic perniciously and exceedingly low level of physical energy, executive dysfunction, behavior-regulation-debilitation, anxiety, paranoia, avoidance habits, and the much enjoyable emotional instability. The only competence one should ascertain from a precise kind of competency is that precise kind of competency itself. If I'm articulate, creative, and intelligent that just means that I'm articulate, creative, and intelligent… You know what I'm not? Good at consistently remaining alert while driving (or being reliably continuously alert while doing anything really, despit the fucking forever-diminishingly-effective adderall and caffeine I pour down my throat) for more than a brief period of time; therefore not well-suited for driving related jobs or any more driving than that short intervals of it relating to typical errands. I'm also not good at dealing with interpersonal conflict… Or authority… Or handling too much stress without ending up in an overwhelmed exhausted state of 'fuck it I don't give a flying shit about any-fucking-thing anymore.' These things have remained true, for the last… hmm... for my entire fucking life thus-far… More or less.
