You cannot control what others do when you are gone. You cannot keep them from having a funeral or memorial, you cannot keep them from weeping, shouting or overreacting and you cannot, even with a will, 100% control what they do with your body. (It can be argued that a person who takes his or her own life is not capable of making such decisions.)
The thing is, you won't be there. It won't matter. Funerals and memorials are for the people who are still alive, not the one who's gone.
If your plan to CTB to control others, don't bother. The only thing you can control by CTB is your life, or lack thereof.
Ctb to control others? They only want control over whether people hold a service or memorial in their name-against their wishes.
If someone did that while the person opposing it was alive, it would be considered harassment. It's more like we don't want other people taking control of US-our name and personhood when we die, they don't know the suffering or the pain and personally, my own family (and anyone else for that matter) has no right to speak of me or put me on display.
You are correct that even a will cannot uphold many of our wishes in the face of those still sucking up oxygen. I just find it insane how we have no way to legally prevent people from doing what they wish with our likeness after death.
Just one more thing to fucking worry about.
I don't care if I will be dead, it still matters to me. If nothing mattered to me then I would have no reason to kill myself, because being without what I need to live would also not matter.
At the risk of offending anyone, this is just one reason why I would much rather have a terminal illness (as being serious about suicide basically is terminal) because at least then I could speak directly to my family and tell them my wishes. (Much harder to refuse the living than the dead.) I can't do jack shit as a suicidal person..because they will throw me in the looney bin and throw my wishes into the trash can with a big, inaccurate "mentally ill: please discard" sticker slapped on. I have good, tangible reasons for ending things. Where the hell are our rights?
I have always been big on respecting the wishes of the dead, they aren't there to defend themselves, that's why their final word is to be known and heeded (unless they ask you to do something impossible or illegal).
For instance, I think the idea of God and religion in general is a dangerous and offensive farce but if my relative wanted to be paraded through a church with the hymns of a choir serenading their no longer functional ear drums, then that is what they would be given.
I know some people's wills and wishes favor certain 'survivors' and this can cause rifts and pain with the family/friends, but my own wishes do not discriminate against any one of the living, they are the same requests for-and to-anyone and everyone, to equally shut their mouths and leave me alone as they did while I was still upright to feel their indifference.
I do not live or die to be a zesty little accoutrement to their buffet of life. And that's often what the passing existence of a dead person can become, a little calla lily in their cap-to spark interest in a passerby.
A lot of people seem to think funerals and such are for those still alive, I think that's the most selfish bullshit I have ever heard. If you must grieve you don't need a fucking audience, you don't need to flail and moan in the awkward presence of everyone and their brother, you don't need to post your stupid social media "look at me and my special sadness" text walls and pictures that the dead might very well have hated.
It's just a bunch of attention seeking, I can't stand people who do that...they will justify it by saying it is their way of grieving, yet they will spit in the face of how the suicidal have had to deal with their own grief.
These exhibitionists should "seek professional help" like the Suicide Prevention movement suggests, because we all know that's what family/friends/acquaintances love to jive with after they lose someone to suicide. So they should take their own advice. The ones who died from ctb likely shed the majority of their tears in the shattering silence of being alone. Maybe those still standing could take a little taste of that.
At the end of the day there is no closure, there is no saying goodbye, the person is dead and a memorial/service won't change that. The best way to pay your respects, is to literally pay your damn respect to the wishes and requests of the deceased. That's the most fitting way to memorialize someone.
