Morality of CTB as a parent?

[Afflicted]

I have struggled with the urge to CTB for well over 10 years now. I'm mid 20's and have two children. I feel guilty and I don't want to scar them for life. But to be honest I don't care about how my departure will effect anyone else besides them. I just can't continue. I am tired of playing this game. I feel like I'm obligated to stay for them. Despite the fact mentally I'm a husk.

 

[finalgoodbye:(]

I reckon most people here would say you shouldn't ctb if you have children and I would agree honestly you have a moral responsibility over them since you brought them to this world

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I am tired of playing this game. I feel like I'm obligated to stay for them. Despite the fact mentally I'm a husk.

Were you already "mentally ill" before you even decided to have your kids?

You - as an adult - made a decision for someone who's not capable to make a decision. It's your duty to do more than the best you can to give your kids a good life! Otherwise they may become the next suicidal generation.

From a moral POV: Adults should fucking use their intelligence before they reproduce in nowadays society.

 

[themisfell]

I'm really sorry. Children or not, you dont choose how your brain functions or who relies upon you. I can relate to this in the sense that I could not ctb until my terminally ill mother passed away. I'll be honest-- i think you do owe those children a kind future, but that doesn't mean you're still not allowed to struggle. i'm so sorry to read this.

I hate to sound like that guy, but I know there's lot of support networks and assistance for parents in most countries. have any of them been able to help you? are you aware of all the things that may be available to you as a parent?

 

[Rounded Agony]

Were you already "mentally ill" before you even decided to have your kids?

You - as an adult - made a decision for someone who's not capable to make a decision. It's your duty to do more than the best you can to give your kids a good life! Otherwise they may become the next suicidal generation.

From a moral POV: Adults should fucking use their intelligence before they reproduce in nowadays society.

Despite agreeing that anyone who create human life has a total and immutable responsibility to commit the rest of their lives to protecting their children, I don't agree with the last line here:

There is enormous societal pressure to rear children. You don't know whether OP might have been fed this worldview since their own childhood. Especially in the context of religious communities it can be unthinkable to controvert these expectations.

Also, not everyone has equal access to material birth control and/or education around it. Prophylactics cost money. Think of what's happening in the fucking u.s. since Roe v. Wade was trashed - women are being charged with MURDER for their abortions. I don't know where OP lives but this is a generalisable example point to the reality that no, not everyone simply "decides" to have a baby with zero external influencing factors.

 

[thaelyana]

I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way. But please, don't give up.

Your children need you, even if you can't feel that right now. Their world would collapse without you. A child cannot grow up in a healthy way on the foundation of a parent's death. That kind of wound never goes away. And your partner — they would have to face everything alone, raising two young kids while carrying their own grief. This isn't just sadness — it's a crushing weight you'd be leaving behind.

Being a parent is hard, especially when you're suffering. But it's in these moments that you have to hold on. You have a responsibility — and that's not just a word. You helped bring life into this world, two lives. You don't have the right to abandon them. You have to stay, to fight, for them. Because if you give up, they will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

I understand that you're exhausted, drained. I'm not minimizing what you're going through. But you still have a life that can be rebuilt — for yourself and for them. It's not too late, even if everything feels stuck. You deserve support, not isolation. You have every right to ask for help. Talk to someone. Don't stay alone in this pain. There are people who will listen — really listen.

You matter, even if you can't see it right now. You are important. And you have to stay.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Despite agreeing that anyone who create human life has a total and immutable responsibility to commit the rest of their lives to protecting their children, I don't agree with the last line here:

There is enormous societal pressure to rear children. You don't know whether OP might have been fed this worldview since their own childhood. Especially in the context of religious communities it can be unthinkable to controvert these expectations.

Also, not everyone has equal access to material birth control and/or education around it. Prophylactics cost money. Think of what's happening in the fucking u.s. since Roe v. Wade was trashed - women are being charged with MURDER for their abortions. I don't know where OP lives but this is a generalisable example point to the reality that no, not everyone simply "decides" to have a baby with zero external influencing factors.

I agree with your points - in many cases, it's not that easy. Unfortunately the children are the ones who have to suffer the most.

 

[thaelyana]

Despite agreeing that anyone who create human life has a total and immutable responsibility to commit the rest of their lives to protecting their children, I don't agree with the last line here:

There is enormous societal pressure to rear children. You don't know whether OP might have been fed this worldview since their own childhood. Especially in the context of religious communities it can be unthinkable to controvert these expectations.

Also, not everyone has equal access to material birth control and/or education around it. Prophylactics cost money. Think of what's happening in the fucking u.s. since Roe v. Wade was trashed - women are being charged with MURDER for their abortions. I don't know where OP lives but this is a generalisable example point to the reality that no, not everyone simply "decides" to have a baby with zero external influencing factors.

Let's put things back in context.

Sure, some people didn't really choose to have kids — pressure from family, society, or a partner… That happens. But at some point, you have to take a step back and say: stop.

If you're over 20, you're supposed to be responsible for your actions. No one put a gun to your head to make a baby. If you sleep with someone voluntarily, you're responsible for everything that might come from it. It's not complicated. Talking about kids like they're objects you bought and can throw away whenever you want? No. Absolutely not.

Today, there are many forms of contraception. The first one is condoms. And yes, even if you live in the U.S. — okay, abortion is restricted in some states — birth control pills are not banned, right? Can we be clear about that? This wasn't the law stopping you — it was you not taking responsibility at the right time.

And come on… One child, maybe you can argue it was a surprise. But two? The person we're talking about is over 25 and has two kids. That doesn't just "happen." Two kids means at least 18 to 20 months of pregnancy combined — unless she or her partner gave birth and got pregnant again within seconds. This isn't some random thing you wake up to one morning. At some point, we have to stop lying to ourselves just to feel better.

You'r an adult. You don't live with your parents anymore. You have a partner. You have children. It's too late to try and erase everything. Even if you didn't want them, you had them. You carried them, or you were there with the person who did. And now they exist.

And once a child is here — no matter your mental state — you can't just abandon them. You don't get to say, "I can't do this anymore, I'm out." Being a parent isn't optional. You have to raise your kids. Period. That's your responsibility — all the way through.

 

[unluckysadness]

i send you hugs why must it be so cruel