cubibibibism
an empty bliss beyond this world
- Oct 1, 2025
- 31
so, it's been around 2 months since i last posted.
do i feel like i've gotten better? no. i made the stupid mistake of running away to try and CTB. i gave up and admitted myself to hospital. my parents were worried sick, and now i can't even be left alone. i'm in forced therapy and now everyone knows im suicidal. one part of me wants to get better but this is all so shameful.
everything still feels like an effort, and i'm starting to think that i'll always, always, always, always, FUCKING ALWAYS be like this. no matter how happy i might be one day, there'll always be a month of deep depression waiting for me around the corner.
also, there's literally nothing to look forward to. i don't want to get married or have kids. i don't give a shit about a job. i just want to sleep. i just want rest. i wish my family could just give up on me and let me die. like, i've been suffering with my mental health since i was 11. 7+ years of agony and they still won't just let me die. i wish society would just let me and im so tired and im SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYTHING AND GUESS WHAT??
i wont do anything about it because im a pussy i'm a fucking pussy
stupid fucking survival instincts.
i wish no one cared. that would make this all so much easier.
sorry for the long and probably nonsense rant
do i feel like i've gotten better? no. i made the stupid mistake of running away to try and CTB. i gave up and admitted myself to hospital. my parents were worried sick, and now i can't even be left alone. i'm in forced therapy and now everyone knows im suicidal. one part of me wants to get better but this is all so shameful.
everything still feels like an effort, and i'm starting to think that i'll always, always, always, always, FUCKING ALWAYS be like this. no matter how happy i might be one day, there'll always be a month of deep depression waiting for me around the corner.
also, there's literally nothing to look forward to. i don't want to get married or have kids. i don't give a shit about a job. i just want to sleep. i just want rest. i wish my family could just give up on me and let me die. like, i've been suffering with my mental health since i was 11. 7+ years of agony and they still won't just let me die. i wish society would just let me and im so tired and im SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYTHING AND GUESS WHAT??
i wont do anything about it because im a pussy i'm a fucking pussy
stupid fucking survival instincts.
i wish no one cared. that would make this all so much easier.
sorry for the long and probably nonsense rant
